<p>Knowing what you do now concerning the costs and aggravations of having a family, would you have more or less kids if you were starting your family today? I always considered life the greatest gift one could give. But sometimes kids today don’t look at this quite the same.Some consider paid college, cars, private schools, computers and phones as a must and essential . I think the family in general will suffer for these attitudes. Siblings are important for the well being and development of children.</p>
<p>We have always provided well for our family but with 4 kids we were and are at our max. I have a relative who had 6 boys of their own and adopted a girl just not to miss out on the opportunity of having a daughter. What self sacrifice! </p>
<p>Also, do men chose less children ? I think yes. </p>
<p>If I had to do it over I think I would like one more child for a totoal of 5. I don’t think my husband would agree.</p>
<p>Marsha Cross of Desperate Housewives just had twins at 44. I couldn’t start a family that late. I mean, I would accept whatever fate handed me but I KNOW how I felt at 44!
And there is a big stress difference between those who do everything and those who have everything done for them.</p>
<p>I suppose that if I just looked at it as hassle, and spent time reflecting on how often I worked from 11 p.m straight through to the followin day at 3 pm so that I could drive this kid or the other to one after-school activity or another, I would say that I wish I had fewer children.</p>
<p>But then, when I think of which one I could do without, the argument falls apart. I have learned so much about being human from them. I cannot imagine life without a single one.</p>
<p>It does seem selfish to have children so late in life, but I can also understand the desire to be a parent. I loved the experience, and definitely wish I had more children. Then again, I wish I had a wonderful, longterm life partner. If I had raised a few children as a working single mom, I think I would have been exhausted all the time, stressed, and not able to enjoy the experience the same way. My memories of evenings and weekends are so positive. My way of compensating? S’s friends included in outings, they were always welcome to sleep over, and most knew where the house key was hidden. Plus, professionally, I think I’ve helped many kids.</p>
<p>We have 4 Ds and lost 3 more who were born prematurely and did not survive. I’ve loved having 4 but I still mourn the loss of the ones that died and, in a perfect world, would love to have had all of them.</p>
<p>We have 3 kids and it was my husband who talked me into have children in the first place. We waited a long time-I was 34 for the birth of our first child and almost 41 when our twins were born. I wouldn’t trade any one of them for anything in the world. We have “survived” having 3 teenaged sons at once. We are lucky that both H and I look about 10 years younger than we are, so we aren’t a total embarassment to our kids. We are happy with our “numbers.”</p>
<p>alwaysamom-we cross-posted. So sorry to hear of your losses, and so happy to hear of your 4 D’s.</p>
<p>H and I have talked about this. If we had started when I was a little big younger (1st at age 35), we would have liked to have 1 or 2 more than our 1D and 1 S.</p>
<p>It’s ridiculously expensive but wished we’d have done it anyway.</p>
<p>I have two children. I would have liked to have a third, but I decided not to even suggest the idea to my husband because we were already being spread too thin trying to meet their needs and keep up with work and household chores. We had no family living nearby – no support system at all, really. That made a difference.</p>
<p>I still regret not having another child, though.</p>
<p>I don’t think having children when you’re older is necessarily a bad thing. You may have less energy, but you probably have more money. It cancels out.</p>
<p>I have 5 (had them young, when I was silly and shhhhhhh stupid) and loved every minute of it!! And with the youngest now finishing up high school and I am STILL silly and stupid I am wishing maybe just one more…maybe two. We have a blended family of biological and adopted kiddos, so every month I receive a flyer/newsletter from the adoption agency (sometimes even a phone call) to see if maybe we have room for more. We used a special needs adoption agency and it is always hard every month to say no when their need is so desperate.</p>
<p>So as my youngest is quickly approaching adulthood I am thinking maybe. I am still almost a decade away from approaching 50 so an older child or a sibling group maybe. </p>
<p>No babies, (grandbabies someday) but 5-6 and up gladly. We shall see.</p>
<p>I have three, two girls close together when I was young and then a lagging boy later on. I always felt that we would have this configuration and wouldn’t change a thing. As a child of older parents at a time when it wasn’t the norm, that’s something I feel strongly about. Don’t do it. I understand the passion to parent and share it, but having kids late in life is unfair. If you’re so busy doing other things that parenthood isn’t a priority, then focus on the things that were your priorities and don’t have birth children. Adopt someone older in need of a home. Otherwise, it’s all about you and to heck with the kids. Flame away, but please remember that I’m talking about my own personal experience and a lifetime of observation of the phenomenon.</p>
<p>I know that my mother would have had as many as physically possible if she could have. My father would have stopped at 1 if she hadn’t worked for months to convince him about #2, #3, and #4 (me). When there were 4 kids and she was trying to convince him that there ought to be a #5, he had a nightmare that they had many more children, and the house was on fire, and they each grabbed two children and could not get the rest out.</p>
<p>So she relented, and they stopped at 4. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m the one who’s closest to my dad.</p>
<p>Like Marian, we have two but I would have liked more. We also did not have any support system, and made several major, cross country moves. My parents died within 3 months of each other right around the time we should have had #3, and we also had one of our big moves. I have endometriosis, and I feel just really lucky to have the two that I have. I have nieces and nephews, and I’m really looking forward to grandchildren some day.</p>
<p>Bookworm: That’s generous of you. Unlike you I never much had other folks kids with us on outings. Whenever we did it was like kids ricochetting off the walls! We do generally have a crowd of kids friends here, but I never had extra kids here for lunch or dinner that I paid for. Well, I had peanut butter and jelly for neighbors kids when they were little but in the period from say 8-18 I never had anyone over for meals. Stingy with my food I guess!</p>
<p>But my goodness! The birthday parties we had!And always took a gang to the drive in, yes, we had a Drive In here until 5 years ago, after the last day of school . Kids running all over the drive in pulling lawn chairs to the opposite theatre screen dodging traffic. I thought I was going to die!</p>
<p>Six here, three boys and three girls. Had originally planned on four, but life happened! If I had it to do over, I’d have the exact same family. There was a true sense of feeling “complete” as a family after my youngest son was born. </p>
<p>The most difficult thing was having essentially NO support system. We did EVERYTHING ourselves, and like sjmom, we had several major cross country moves during our baby-having years. Both sets of grandparents lived far away and neither set had the desire to spend any time with children after they were “done,” even when the infrequent opportunity arose. Even now, I am incredulous when I can have the “luxury” of a sick day occasionally (like yesterday) as my youngest will be nine this week.</p>
<p>One thing that I have never taken for granted and that I’ve always been grateful for was having a husband with whom I agreed on the priority of children in our lives. Neither of us ever had to convince the other to have another baby, and neither of has to regret the children we didn’t have. Both of us treasure that which the blessing of children has brought to our lives, and neither of us laments the sacrifices, financial and otherwise.</p>
<p>~berurah
p.s. One of the things that factored into our decisions was all of the people I’d talked to along the way. Of everyone I’d ever spoken to, I’d heard MANY say, “Gosh, I wish I’d had one more…” but I <em>never</em> heard anyone say, “Well, I wish I hadn’t had that last one…” ;)</p>
<p>I love reading all these posts! I really get sense of the love and dedication the parents posting here have for their children (whether they have one or eight+ children)!..I know I would have been happy growing-up in many of the families here.</p>
<p>I have four children (two boys and two girls), and every once in a while think it would have been nice to have one more…although things are pretty crazy as it is!</p>
<p>I grew up in a family of six siblings (three boys and three girls, like Berurah’s family), and there was never a dull moment!</p>
<p>It’s funny to see this thread today as I was thinking about the very same thing. I have two girls 22 months apart and then a third 4 years younger. The peace that eluded me after the first two was such a relief after the third. She was and is and will always be my baby and I’ve never really wanted another. But now she’s is a senior and has one foot out the door. I’m absolutely ready for it some days but yesterday, just for a moment, I thought, “If only I’d had another.”</p>
<p>We just have the one…H and I brought him up ourselves while each working full-time, so H was more involved in child care than some men. He was the one to decide that one was enough. We didn’t have any immediate family nearer than 1500 miles. I grew up in a relatively small family (3 siblings and no close family members). I have only 3 first cousins, while H has fifty or more. I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I’d love to have a daughter, and I think H now wishes he’d been more open to adopting one years ago.</p>
<p>That said, we think S is amazing and wonderful and SUCH a gift. Glass just verrrry slightly shy of full here.</p>
<p>Well, I will be the one to buck the trend and say that I am delighted with the two I have, and never, ever wished for a third.</p>
<p>I had a recurring nightmare when I was in my mid 40’s that I was pregnant. Instead of being excited about it, I was absolutely petrified. Now, had it been true, we would have adjusted, but I think two is a good number for us.</p>
<p>We always have extra kids here though, and if I tried to count the number of meals we have fed other people’s children…well, I just can’t. And that I have loved…being a house at which everyone likes to congregate. It’s very fun, but I am very content with my family size, as it is.</p>
We waited a long time-I was 34 for the birth of our first child and almost 41 when our twins were born. I wouldn’t trade any one of them for anything in the world. We have “survived” having 3 teenaged sons at once. We are lucky that both H and I look about 10 years younger than we are, so we aren’t a total embarassment to our kids. We are happy with our “numbers.”</p>