If you work ... How much time do you spend with your children each day?

Parent Cafe
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<p>ek4, My husband is also a swing shift worker who usually works overtime, so his hours are similar to those of your dh. That was part of the reason I homeschooled our kids, so they could spend time with their father, see him every day, and do things together on his days off, which were NOT Saturday and Sunday. That’s also one reason I have pursued work I can do at home, so we do have time together every day.</p>

<p>I know families, on the other hand, where the parents work different shifts on purpose, so one can always be home with the kids. While this does save on childcare costs and is nice for the kids, it can be difficult for the couple–and the marriage. Not all the couples I know who did this are still couples.</p>

<p>StickerShock, about commitment… As a Cub Scout den leader for many years, I saw a wide variety of parents, some involved, others not. My assistant den leader with my first son was a single working mom who still managed to be at almost all meetings and campouts–and she did not work at some high ranking job. And then there was the working mom (married) who called me once to ask what was going on with the upcoming campout. I told her that I had sent home a newsletter with all the details. “Oh, well, I don’t have time to read that,” she said. Yet she had time to call me and waste MY time! (And I know she had time to watch TV.) So, yes, commitment is an individual thing, affect by, but not dependent upon, one’s working status.</p>

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<p>thats great sticker
but at my daughter previous school, we were hard pressed to get parent support.
On teh PTA we did have working parents, and I didn’t say we didn’t, often times those who are very busy are the best people to get to volunteer as they know how to plan their time.
BUt on the whole, we had great difficulty getting anyone to come to parent meetings, let alone, volunteer for the board, or any school sponsored or parent group sponsored events.
Since it is an all city draw school, we even held parent meetings in other areas of town, provided child care & dinner- but it was still the same people who came.
( now some of the problem was undoubtably because many didn’t have transportation, didn’t have time, we had a good sized low income population, but still there should have been more people at parent meetings- sometimes it was only the board there, even at the meeting to vote on the next years budget- for a school population of almost 700)</p>

<p>Sometimes, we had to cancel field trips because we didn’t have enough drivers/chaperones.</p>

<p>Fundraising has gone down, as need has gone up, the community seems to be getting tired of having the same people running everything, but no one else is stepping forward.
Working parents certainly arent lazy, I never said they were, but especially once kids get out of elementary school, many parents are less involved. They don’t want to volunteer to chaperone dances, they want you to carpool kids to sports but they never want to drive, and they seem to assume that because some of the parents are SAHMs, that they have nothing but free time.</p>

<p>Even the teachers assume this. When I was on the board, I volunteered in teh school every week, often more than once a week. I also volunteered at another school that was in desperate need.</p>

<p>I attended at least one meeting at the school a week, usually more, and it was way out of my neighborhood. BUt when parents would discuss with teachers how we could get more support for programs that teachers used to run ( it was an arts focused school, and art programs are a mjor part of the curriculum), they said that they worked hard all day, and that they just didnt’ have time to go to meetings or to do anything extra.</p>

<p>Since virtually all of the board had outside jobs, I was nonplussed at how parents were expected to raise money to run programs that in the past had been teacher driven , but it wasn’t acknowledged that the parents had “jobs” too.</p>

<p>Now this is backfiring. The few parents who volunteer are moving on from the school, since the teachers have virtually allowed these parents to do financial support and planning of the programs that attract kids to the school, ( watching the programs that they had for 20+ years go away when the parents leave), the school has been on the districts short list for closure for the past few years, as enrollment drops.</p>

<p>Its sad to see, since it used to be a vital school with a unique atmosphere, but it is pretty draining to spend evenings planning programs that parents and teachers say they want, but then you are expected to keep on running them. Parents are burnt out, and leave the community, instead of just stepping down and hoping someone else comes forward.</p>

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<p>Having parents involved in school activities depend on many factors. Working schedules are one factor, but there are others as well. </p>

<p>My Ss attend a school that shared a building with another school. The constituencies of the two schools were very different and the level of parental involvement in the schools also differed markedly.</p>

<p>The building was in a working-class part of the city. Ss’ school (School 1) was an alternative school and was a magnet (though not designated as such) for families from all over the city, so that a large proportion of the children were bused in or driven by their parents. The proportion of children on Free or Reduced lunch was one of the lowest in the city. School 2 was a neighborhood school with a traditional pedagogy and curriculum. The proportion of children on Free or Reduced lunch was one of the highest in the city. </p>

<p>There were foreign-born parents in both schools, but in School 1 (Ss’school) parents tended to come from middle-class backgrounds, often highly educated in their home countries and with an adequate though limited command of English. In School 2, there were also many foreign-born parents but their grasp of English was much weaker. More importantly, they seemed to either believe that they need not be involved in school activities or they were bewildered by the unfamiliar American educational system.</p>

<p>Parents at School 1 turned out in droves for school meetings, portfolio breakfasts, children’s performances, arts festivals, fund-raising meetings, book swaps; they participated in hiring decisions from teachers to principal. There was a lottery to determine which parents would go on field trips. At school 2, it was almost impossible to get parents to come to anything despite the fact that transportation was not a problem and child care was provided for every meeting. One meeting to discuss whether the two schools should merge attracted exactly two parents from school 2 and an overflow attendance from school 1. </p>

<p>While the middle class parents at school 1 probably worked more flexible schedule, it is hard to explain why only 2 parents showed up at a crucial meeting out of a school population of over 300 students. I do not think it had to do with not caring about the children’s education. Probably, it had to to with thinking that it was the task of the teachers and administrators to do what was best in the children’s interests. Middle class parents in school 1, however, were more likely to see education as a partnership between themselves and the teachers. This kind of split continued in the high school where parents’ attendance at school functions did not mirror the demographic profile of the student body.</p>

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<p>emerald, I do know some working parnets who fit this description: “They don’t want to volunteer to chaperone dances, they want you to carpool kids to sports but they never want to drive, and they seem to assume that because some of the parents are SAHMs, that they have nothing but free time.”</p>

<p>I avoid these people like the plague. Every working mom who is my friend is respectful of my time & greatful for the hand I can give during the day. Same for SAHMs with little ones. I’m glad to take over the bulk of carpooling. But cop an attitude that this is to be expected because I’m home, and my generousity dries up.</p>

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<p>Reading this thread and others caused me to wonder about the times we work. In the past, everyone worked 9-5. Several commenters at CC seem to be professionals, entrepreneurs, and others who work or stay at their homes and set their own hours. I also know many people who work 9-5 and prefer it that way, since they have a clear dividing line between work and home.</p>

<p>Most of the professionals and small business owners I know work 6-7 days a week, anywhere from 6-14 hours a day, but they can leave work and do other things when they want. I have one of these eclectic schedules where I might work 4 hours one day and 16 the next, but I like it. On the other hand, most of the retail workers and support staff I know work from 8-5 with little flexibility to leave work. </p>

<p>What hours do you or the people you know typically work? Are the work hours flexible or inflexible? If you could choose, what schedule would you prefer?</p>

<p>Note to StickerShock: Good post. I think some people do take advantage of SAH parents and others who have free time.</p>

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<p>H works 8a-8pm most days, plus Sunday afternoons at home. If I had a big career we’d never see each other, let alone the kids!</p>

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<p>H starts work at 8 and usually does not get home until 6:30. He also takes work home. I have a more flexible schedule though it can be pretty hectic and heavy at times. H’s company did not like employees to take all vacation time at one go, so we’d take short vacations and 'H had some days left to go on field trips or attend school functions during working hours. Or he would make up for time spent on weekends.</p>

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<p>Dh works 2 pm-10:30 pm, but often has two hours overtime added on. I have two different part-time jobs, plus freelance writing. One job allows me to schedule my own days–from the sessions that are available-- usually choosing from two or three possible shift times. The other is contract work which is sporadic throughout the year and can be done any time of the day. There are times, like right now, when I have very little work, and other times when I am working very long days.</p>

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<p>My husband leaves for work at 6:15 and is home by 5:30, but has work in the evenings and weekends very often. I schedule my own hours, usually four or five a day at most; I am self employed, and like it that way.</p>

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<p>My h’s job always required long hours & lots of travel. I’m pleased if he comes in the door by 7PM. That’s why we chose a house that is modest & we can swing it on one salary. I always knew I’d want to be home with the kids. We have no family to rely on for childcare and are squeamish about trusting nannys, sitters, daycare, etc. So many of his colleagues have horror stories to tell. </p>

<p>My first career was in publishing. Then moved to marketing/sales. Very demanding hours that would not mesh well with childcare & a traveling husband. I did go back to school to get a nursing degree, assuming that I’d be able to work a shift or two each week in a rewarding job. For me, the money was not worth the aggravation & disruption of the family. (Crazy full-time night shift was all that was available during a nursing glut. Times have changed & nurses have more power now. Very cyclical.) So I occasionally fill in as a school nurse or do public health clinics when the kids are in school. Not too often, though. Looking back (20/20 hindsight), I should have been more cognizant of picking a careeer that is family friendly and allows more flexibility. We always felt it was important to give kids lots of enrichment opportunities. That takes up the bulk of my time, and lots of our budget. I really should be thinking more like an entrepreneur, and maybe I’ll get my act together soon!</p>

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<p>In nanny days, we’d both leave the house by 8:45 and home by 5:30. If we had big deadlines one of ux might go back to the office after the boys were asleep.</p>

<p>Now H takes S2 to school at 8 and walks on to office. I get in anywhere from 9 to 11 and I leave anywhere from 5 to 6:30 pm. S2 takes a couple of night classes two days a week so no one gets home before 8 pm on those days.
During deadlines we will come home for dinner and then go back to office. Bigger projects means that this only happened once in the last six months–but it lasted for six weeks.</p>

<p>Our decision to open our own business when we were 28 was child centered. The flexibility of owning your own business is unbelieveable–especially compared to working for someone else’s office. Soccer game at 3 pm on Wednesday? We can be there. That the money and the vacation time turned out to be better too was a bonus. </p>

<p>It’s not always perfect or always easy, but, on balance, owning a business while raising children has lots of merit.</p>