<p>We are having hurt feelings in our family. DS1 received a gadgety pen from his aunt who he doesn’t especially care for. He couldn’t read the tag and thought it was a gift from his grandma. He didn’t act wowed over the pen and now grandma and aunt think he is dissing his aunt. He feels like he has been backed into a corner and I am feeling defensive for him… All over a small gift!</p>
<p>If she doesn’t want the presents, she doesn’t get them. End of story. No reason to try and make up for her pickiness. </p>
<p>I’m a daughter and I know better than to request “better” presents than what was already kindly given to me.</p>
<p>Here’s one for you guys -what if you’ve been eyeing somethings up for your house at the store… But didn’t buy anything because its going to be your birthday right after Christmas and for both events you told everyone that if they didn’t know what to get you they could get you a gift card to that store … So you hold off on any purchases to see what you get… </p>
<p>So a close family member asks what your want at the store so you vaguely mention like eight things on your wish list… The cheapest of which runs about 60 dollars…</p>
<p>Fast forward to your birthday and said family member prefaces your gift with i got you something and if you hate it we can go return it… And when you open it you see it’s the cheapest of the items you mentioned wanting… But not at all close to the actual one you wanted and completely opposite actually.</p>
<p>Do you ask to go exchange it? Its not hated… Just not at all what i would have picked out. I don’t want to offend anyone… I went through the same thing four years ago with another costly gift…appreciated the gesture but i think if its something large that you see everyday it should be something you had some input in. I kept that one without saying a word. I’m a bit anal about presentation when it comes to my house.</p>
<p>It depends on the presents as to whether I will even entertain the thought of returning them. I always buy some things that are just fun gifts, usually on clearance or at random stores, throughout the year that I think suit someone as aChristmas gift. If I miss, well, too bad. Not about to return them, and my kids are always good sports.</p>
<p>But any big gifts, which I rarely buy anymore, if there is any issue with them I do want them returned. If my son wanted a certain ski jacket for instance, and he decides it isn’t right, well, I have the gift slip and it will go back. Those items cost too much for me to have them have to put a happy face on the fact that they are not what the receipient wants. </p>
<p>These days. we are sticking to smaller gifts as my kids now get what they like, and finding them each a substantial item for internal equity purposed of holiday gift giving makes no sense. So if they don’t like an item and it’s something for which I have the gift tag, they can return those gifts. For the clearance items, too bad, it becomes clutter or a subject of jokies about mom’s crazy taste in gifts.</p>
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<p>Not sure why it’s worth noting that it was the cheapest of all the items you said you wanted…</p>
<p>but if it’s not what you wanted, regardless of price, return it for the one you actually wanted. The person pretty much gave you their blessing to do that, right?</p>
<p>I’m a little confused-you said you told them what was on your list and they got it but you don’t like it? So either it wasn’t something actually on your list or you were too general in your description of what you wanted. In any case, the person SAID you could return it, so do it. </p>
<p>But like Nrdsb4, I’m wondering why you felt you had to mention cost-are you offended that it only cost $60 or that the high cost makes you feel guilty about returns? The thought behind the gift has always been more important to me, but if you’re feeling icky about returning an expensive item, get the one you prefer and tell the giver you actually had another one in mind. They understood that they might have picked the wrong thing.</p>
<p>My boys seemed happy enough with the nothing I got them this year. They even surprised me with a pound of coffee and a Starbucks gift card.</p>
<p>I am doing for my grown-up kids what my own mother (and father) did for me - gifts for the future. Once she could no longer really pick out clothes for me, she started giving me a piece of my silver, china, linens, etc. I didn’t really need these things in my 20s and for years she had to store them, but boy was I glad to have them when I was older. Giving me a huge collection of Spode Christmas Tree china took care of many Christmas gifts. My MIL started a silver ornament collection for me the first year we were married. For many years my parents gave me a check to spend on clothes. And my mother enjoyed taking me shopping to spend it whenever possible! </p>
<p>All our kids, mid to late 20s, have collections of some sort and we try to add a piece for Christmas. That is the big gift. I give PJs, which is something they always got for Christmas since they were toddlers - for the photos, you know? I try and give some small personal item, book, bath product, etc. When they were poorer, we used to give a check for them to spend however they wished.</p>
<p>Since the kids were teenagers, our gift to them has mainly been a generous check, but they also get some practical gifts. We gave our son some much need “professional” clothes. I know that, for example, Brooks Brother’s pants of a certain size fit him. They’re expensive, so a couple new pairs will serve him well and are always appreciated. He needed new hiking boots, so I wrapped an old boot with a check inside so he’d have something else under the tree. My Dd received a comforter she needed, and a surprise gift of a new receiver for her car that allows her to play her Ipod. (I may regret this ), along with the installation. Gas and theater gift cards, a few books and fun edibles and some silly as well as practical stocking stuffers make for a morning with enough surprises without unwanted stuff. </p>
<p>I’ve quit giving my Dd clothes, as I know she has a style that is unique to her and only buy if we’re together and she chooses it. Young women (generally) seem to be much more particular about what they wear than the guys. And now that my son is engaged, his clothes have to pass muster with future DIL, so I don’t take any chances with him anymore, either.
It’s not nearly as exciting as it was when they were babes. That’s just life. Now it’s all about being together, which is still pretty wonderful.</p>
<p>I, for one, have to be v-e-r-y careful about what I say or show interest around Christmas, Mother’s Day and my birthday. I’ve found items about which I made some casual remark, or admired, in my gift stack, and sometimes I did not want them at all. I was quite horrified one year when my kids, who were hard up for money pitched in, scraping all they had to get me a Coach bag abut which I had made some comment that got interpreted to, “she wants it”. </p>
<p>This year was a great Christmas. A few fun, inexpensive gifts (I don’t care if the liked them or not) for each kid, and a check, except for the youngest in high school whom we all indulged. I was not careful about admiring some scarves and things at Kiosk set up in Grand Central station, and ended up with some too expensive scarves, and the that whole set up is now gone, and I am not about to hunt it down for an exchange. So now I have some chic scarves. Just what I always wanted. But bought with love, and I’ll remember that each time I wear one.</p>
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<p>Wow, how smart! I particularly love the idea of the Spode Christmas china. You may not know as a 20 y/p what kind of silver or china you might want, but Christmas china would certainly be perfect in a family which celebrates the Christmas season.</p>
<p>My daughter is starting the interview season soon, so I decided to get her a couple of work-related items (we bought suits last summer). I bought two dresses with a jacket that could go with either and a pair of pants with a matching sweater. One dress and the jacket fit. The one dress was cut so high in the front that it definitely had the appearance of dressing for something other than work. The pants and sweater, though both halfway decent brands, were cut very skimpy. They went back and I do not think she found anything else that she wanted. I will get her something in the future to replace those things.</p>
<p>The funny thing is that my SIL, who cannot pick out anything I like, finds things my daughter loves. EVERYTIME. </p>
<p>My son wanted a sound system. I gave him cash, but I folded it up and wrapped it in a jewelry box from a store where he would recognize it. It was pretty funny watching him open a jewelry box.</p>
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<p>My kids are pretty astute around this time of year, as well. On Thanksgiving, I broke one of my crystal wine goblets. My son had overheard, and a new one was under the tree with my name on it. I always enjoy seeing what my kids come up with for me.
Cupofthehouse- You can never have too many scarves! I wear a lot of neutral colors, so a pretty scarf can make an outfit. Send them my way if you’re swamped. :)</p>
<p>I didn’t mean anything bad about the 60 dollars - if anything I meant it in reverse - i was surprised the person even spent that much since they usually stick around like 30-40. When I gave a vague list of things i wanted at the store I had no clue that they would even consider spending that much on any of the things. I was just giving examples of projects I had planned this year and that if they needed ideas of what to get they could get a gift card and I could put it towards any of the projects on my list (My list of house projects easily totals $1000) . Instead they splurged a bit and picked out something for me. It wasn’t like I put together a wish list and wasn’t clear in what I wanted - it was just a casual conversation where I was talking about things I wanted to do… I hope that makes sense. I really don’t want to come across as ungrateful.</p>
<p>I always feel bad when people preface things by - if you hate it you can return it - because even either way I think it will make the person feel bad that they picked something that wasn’t wanted or well liked. Like I said, I don’t hate the item… It’s just not exactly what I had in mind at all. Maybe once I look at it more it will grow on me.</p>
<p>I used to dread my birthday and Christmas. Being a great gift giver dont understand how someone can be so bad about it. But I have come to appeciate how hard my H tries as my kids have said “he realy thinks he is doing what you want” My kids give me lists and mostly its clothes they need. D1 got trader joes GC’s jeans, etc… then i give them things they dont ask for. D1 birthday is one day after mine, I started giving her Waterford champagne flutes (the pattern of her choice) .when she turned 21. My kids are appreciative but are well aware if they are not or act entitled all bets are off.</p>