After having survived our 1st last yr we now know it’s not a permanent move. They will be back in 3 months, hang for a month and then gone for another 3 months and then home for a very long summer. I had forgotten that our son didn’t know how to make a sandwich for himself and that he sleeps until it’s time to go out w friends. So, will we miss him this year? I guess so … With our daughter … I’ll tell you next year.
Both have significant others and while bike riding with wifey recently we started planning activities for the 6 of us, meaning 3 couples! agh!
Well, tomorrow is move-in day. I wanted to sit down with son and have one last heart-to-heart before he goes. This was going well until I got to this part.
ME: So, you know college really is a different world.
SON: Yeah, I know.
ME: You’re going to be living amongst a lot of girls.
SON: OooKaay
ME: I know we’ve talked about this, but –
SON: Wait, where is this going?
ME: I just feel that I should point out –
SON: Laughs and scoops to the edge of the couch.
ME: I just mean –
SON: No! No! Where is this going (said with panic in his voice before he laughs and bolts up the stairs).
ME: Wait! (I can hear him laughing as he heads to his room. I start laughing too but plow on.) Look, I bought you a supply of condoms and you should use them if you find yourself in situations.
SON: Comes back to the foot of the stairs (still laughing) and looks down at me. Giving me a thumbs up he says, “Fine, but let’s not speak of this again.”
This morning we were both saying how much we were going to miss each other, but somehow, this incident was strangely catharsis. We both felt better. I guess I’m not done being his mom.
There’s no way I’m picking the condoms. That would be like sending someone else to try to pick tampons. I’m just going to tell him to pick a jumbo box when we are at Target or Walgeens buying sundries. Maybe two jumbo boxes in case he needs to give some away. His campus is a condom free zone.
@saintfan, If I couldn’t use the self-checkout line, I couldn’t have done it either. And, oh my god, the descriptions on the boxes is enough to make you blush.
Mother of the year award in my eyes, @evermom1
I’m of the mindset that someone should be able to buy condoms before they’re ready to have sex, but I’m also a realist and any way young men and women (who have sex with men) get them in their position is a win in my book!
So is empty nest syndrome worse if your DC is living at home, or at least very close to home, while in college but you never see them OR they are far enough away that you know you will only see them 3-4 times a year? I almost think having them close would be more painful for me. At least when they are hours away, I won’t feel like they are choosing not to spend time with me on a daily basis.
I’m not worried about blushing. I just figure that everyone has their own preference as to size and whatever. He already keeps them in his wallet and the car console so it won’t be a new topic for him. We live in a state that has VERY VERY comprehensive sex education but he is going to an abstinence only state and a Jesuit school. You can bet that most kids haven’t had a semester of the ins and outs (pun intended) of STD and birth control, bystander training, consent training, healthy relationship role plays and whatnot. It will be an easy conversation for us I think. I am not so much worried about his knowledge as the knowledge of potential partners.
@Cheeringsection, I don’t know; it might be worse. Two of the schools my son war accepted to were less than thirty minutes from home. He still wanted to live in the dorms, but I could have visit him all the time. I think threatening to do that played a role in him accepting the admission to the school two hours away. Even if they’re just minutes from home, I think they still want the feel of being independent and on their own. During the college search, I met this mom from NC at a school’s open house. She said her daughter wanted to attend a school far from home. There was a school in NC that was four hours away, but the daughter said, “Nope, not far enough.” That actually would have broken my heart, but this mom still had two at home, so I imagine it didn’t hurt as much.
DS did his mandatory 2 hour online sex, alcohol, drugs and stuff training. He said something to the effect of, “I have to watch a 2 hour interactive video to learn how to have morals?” Followed by, “basically, don’t be a dumbshit and be nice.” I reminded him that most kids won’t have had a full semester of very comprehensive sex ed, bystander training, relationship role plays, anti-bullying and sexual harassment training, etc. etc. He might know that stuff but there could be a fair number of young people for whom it’s new. I told he that he might know the right thing and real information but what if he is out with or around others who are more challenge. I brought up a few examples from the last year of student who seemed not to know what the right thing was RE sex / alcohol/ video / consent. He said it still comes down to doing the right thing which isn’t rocket science. So . . . we’ve had the talk and I can check that off my list.
My daughter leaves a week from today, and she is my youngest. I am really anxious about having an empty nest, and it is fueled from her having no enthusiasm about going to her new school. The last few weeks have been tough because she had a break up with her boyfriend and got back together. I don’t want either of them to be too distracted from their educations .
My husband is under a lot of work related stress so I can’t say that there is much to look forward to for spending quality time together once she is gone. I will also be in a position of working more than usual for at least a month with no days off…the dread here is pretty heavy for me right now
@MiamiDAP I have a different experience. It sounds like your D is still in (med?) school, and she’s crazy busy right now. It’s hard to deal with the radio silence, and I’ve periodically experienced it too. But I just want to give the other moms hope that these seasons don’t last forever, and the relationship still continues. My D is 24 and 2 years out of college and having her own life 800 miles from me, but she’s still my little buddy. Just over the last couple of weeks, for instance. She’s always been my fashion advisor and she’s been helping me with a clothes-hunt. There has been a torrent of texts back and forth complete with pictures. Tomorrow I’m going to Nordstrom and she’ll be “with” me as I model for her, and she tells me what she thinks. Is it the same as having her here? Nope. But even by text, her personality comes through, and our relationship is still strong. That will never change.
It’s done!! I moved son into the dorm this weekend. I’m happy to report, as others have said, that the lead up to the event was so much worst than the aftermath. Sure, we must have hugged half a dozen times before I walked out the door, but there was no crying on the way home. Of course, the tsunami of rain during the drive may have kept me focus on the road. Also, physical exhaustion may have help with the first night as an empty-nester. But Monday morning feels great. The house needs a thorough cleaning and the kid forgot to pack things so I’m having to mail stuff. But I do feel I’m back to that time prior to the start of the move-out melancholy.
I have to say another thing that maybe playing a factor is the roommate. We lucked out in the roommate department. We had dinner with the roommate and his family on Saturday after move-in. They are the nicest people. The roommate lives in-town even though he lives in the dorm. Family promised to watch over son and even to drive him home in emergencies. They even offered to put me up when I wanted to stay over. Sweet, right? And of course, there has been the support of CC posters!
So, I’m good. I’ve been warned there will be moments, but it’s back to looking forward to the next phase of life.
^^^This is so sweet! Congrats to you and your son @evermom1 !!!
Our drop off is Wednesday. My first plans are to tackel a pile of work on my desk at work and then this weekend my house is in DIRE need of attention after a very busy summer - the one time in my life I think I look forward to having time to straighten and clean the house! It is needed - and needed for me too!
