He is sweet mostly. I don’t have snapchat (I suppose I should get it) but when it became a thing he and big sister communicated much more because they could snapchat a pic of the dog doing something funny or some other quick moment that wasn’t worth an email or call or whatever but just a quick, “hey I saw this and thought you would like it” “thinking of you” moment. My kids use it a lot with each other and friends to share those little snippets of life. I like that.
The ways of communication today do help ease the transition. Daughter and I were chatting on the Skype text the other day. It was early morning but too hot for her to sleep or do anything noisy. I was sharing scenes from the TV show I was watching. We were doing a lot of LOLs and it was fun.
We text a lot in our family…it works a lot better when we don’t know who is where, or whether or not they can talk. We don’t do it it in lieu of talking to each other , but it is a useful tool we all use.
But it seems like her friend group uses various social media tools to communicate, almost exclusively
A lot can get lost in translation there IMO.
Seems like snap chat , yik yak , and group texts are used more than face to face socializing. This isn’t news to me…just take a ride on a T in Boston and everyone is looking down at their cell phone
Seems to create some social barriers
My freshman D is snap chatting me a lot. I rolled my eyes this summer at all the “snapping” she was doing with her friends, but now I am a fan! It’s an easy way for her to share little snippets of what she is doing and with whom, without having to subject herself to all those Mom questions that drive teens nuts. We talk by phone or FaceTime once or twice a week too, but I love getting her snaps! Do it, Saintfan!
Will have to investigate snapchat, I never heard of it! But this is the first month or so that I have done Skype so I am behind the times and slow to change I guess. Daughter did send a photo of a cheat sheet (allowed) for her first physics test. That was fun. She thinks she nailed the test too!
I just had another text about a fun activity that they are going to do that he knew I would like. It’s something that we did when we visited the school. All it takes is a line or two to picture what he’s up to and it eases the missing.
Hi all! Sent twins off to Freshman year 5 weeks and 4 weeks ago and I am still feeling really, really down in the dumps. They are both happy and seem to be thriving - I am not actively worrying about their transition any more (that’s good). But I can’t stop crying. I am seeing more and more “mom group” posts of people feeling better and settling into the new roles. I am starting to question if I need to seek assistance with the blues. Any parents who have been through this in previous years have an estimate of how long the “new normal” took??
That must be doubly hard to have both go away at once. You didn’t get the ease into things like some of did with one leaving and one left behind for another few years. It’s normal to miss them and to take time with such a big change. Do seek extra help if you feel like this is beyond your ability to cope. One foot in front of the other helps but it isn’t always enough.
@kidsexpensive So sorry to hear that it is so rough for you. I can’t imagine doing twins, It is hard to assess “what is normal” and when one should seek assistance. Coming from a mental health background, I would suggest that if your blues are interfering with your day to day functioning, or you have a history of blues in the past that needed outside support, then perhaps going for assistance might help ease the transition.
But so good to hear THEY are adjusting well - now, just to worry about you.
Are there certain times of the day you feel the sadness? Do you have a daily routine that keeps you busy, active, interesting and productive?? Have you had other bouts of being “down” in your life that you needed some outside help - if so, maybe it would be a good idea to have someone outside of the family to chat with.
@kidsrexpensive - I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse - but it took me months (if not longer…) to really adapt to a “new normal” when my only child left for college. Seriously. Some people take longer to adjust, and some people just need some extra time to get their footing. Only you know yourself well enough to tell if your sadness and tears warrant professional help.
And don’t read to much into those “mom group” posts and photos. At least in my experience, EVERYone has a fabulous Facebook life (…except me…) - who knows where the truth lies?
@kidsrexpensive, Seems like only the people who have transition well have posted here. A lot of earlier posters have not done a follow-up. So I don’t believe you are the only one who’s feeling sad. Perhaps you’re just the first brave enough to admit it. I am really happy to have my life back, but I do miss my sweetie so much. Some days all I think about is why he hasn’t called. Having new interests help a lot. It also helps to have friends to commiserate with about their insensitive new college kid. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
Oh, and I meant to add: my D is now 25 and lives 600 miles away. She has a fabulous job, a new boyfriend, a great new life - and I still miss her terribly! She’s not only my D but my friend and I miss having her close by. So yeah, maybe I’m not the best one to talk about overcoming the empty next syndrome, but at least I don’t cry in the grocery store any more. One step at a time!
Everyone processes things differently. How often are you feeling sad? It took me quite a while to stop crying then it took seeing my son at fall break to start getting better. I used to stare at the calendar counting down days and weeks.
Now a little dose of reality. Would you really want them not pursuing a college degree to stay home with you? Have you done anything just for you? It’s a new normal and I hope everyone can find meaning outside being someone’s mom. You aren’t done being the mom. You are the one they call with news.
Kids want the security of knowing mom and dad are okay.
I promise it gets better. If it truly is not getting any better then maybe it’s time to reach out for help.
I filled my life when the younger one left, made some new friends, had more time for others. But also had those times when I fretted. Now they’e both grads in the past few years. But today, as D2 just got through a recent bump (job change,) I realize I didn’t quite get over either of them leaving for school. It’s because we love them.
My older girl just moved to her own place. She only lives a few blocks away, but yeah, I feel it. You still have to try to move forward. Now is the chance to build the new bonds with them for the future. I’ll never stop being their mom.
Since we are on opposite sides of the planet our family fallen into a pattern of Skype texting during daughter’s early morning wake up time (just after dinner at my house), and her late afternoon time when we are up having coffee before work. Then we Skype video call every few days. It’s nice. However, due to her schedule this isn’t quite an everyday thing, and on the days when she can’t text during these times when we are all awake, it is harder. I suspect that these contacts will get less frequent at time goes on. I keep shoving the sad feelings down–trying to focus on her excitement and her ups and downs to override my sadness. Some days it works better than others. I miss her like heck, but she can’t have what she has there here where we are. I want her to continue to have a healthy and happy life and this contiuning education is part of that goal.
