I feel sorry for the parents who have to say goodbye for several months or longer. My kids attend/attended school close enough to home that I see them at least a couple of times a month. I try to imagine what it will be like if any of them moved far away for a career - my guess is that I’ll go visit them if they can’t come home, but then again, maybe I’ll be a nuisance and they won’t want me? This is something yet to navigate.
@Gourmetmom, it will be something to navigate, and now that I am here, I think I will write my mother a nice long letter of understanding tomorrow.
I’ve never really felt sad when my kids have left for college or after college. It was nice having them home for Christmas. We had great fun getting caught up with one another, but this isn’t where they live anymore. I have an active life outside of them, and they have active full lives. We keep in touch via phone and skype occasionally, but really, my life doesn’t include them anymore. (And I think they would say the same). I would find it weird and very difficult if they came home to stay.
I wish I was more like that @megpmom . We are getting ready to leave in an hour. I’m so sad, but excited for him to have crossed over in his program! Although he has been living in the dorms, he will now be able to attend classes in all those beautiful old limestone buildings instead of having to drive 5 miles to the CC…but now he has to do it in rain, sleet and snow instead of beautiful fall leaves.! My heart is full for him to see him spread his wings…it’s just tough on those of us left behind. And now that I’m not working, it really hits home I need to find things to fill my time.
Re: “to see him spread his wings”
Not sure whether this topic belongs here:
In the process of becoming a separate and fully independent individual, it could take sometime before your loved one will become financially independent of you. How long would the process be?
For example, I think we may continue paying our son’s cell phone bill for at least a few more years because we always share a “family account”.
Also, what may be the very last large bill you pay for him/her? The down payment for a car after he/she graduates? A part of the wedding cost? Or, a part of the down payment for his/her first house?
Before the “financial cord” is completely cut, does your child occasionally feel “guilty” about still partially relying on your financial support and you need to continuously assure him/her that this is fine before he/she is truly capable of being independent of you?
I thought of this because DS somehow found a need to “explain” to us why he took a more expensive mean of transportation (by train, rather than by bus) for a particular trip likely because he thought he is still partially dependent on us financially. (This was not a trip for fun/vacation. I think that he has cut such traveling expenses too much, almost to his own disadvantage.)
@mcat2 you bring up a big piece of the pie issue. Like everything, no doubt the answers vary, for some families the process is a gradual release so to speak, for others probably more abrupt. I am sure family size and income may have something to do with it too.
For us, we have an only child, she came in quite a ways under budget of our college payment expectations, so barring an unexpected crisis, we will probably help her with expenses into graduate school if she goes, because we can.
Dropped D2 off for second semester today. It was the first snow of the season and gosh awful winds so we were concerned about the 2 1/2 hour drive but all was well. I was sad to have our time together end but HAPPIER to see her in her element back at school saying hi to everyone unpacking, etc. As H said today, “it is so awesome to see her come alive here!” He is so right!
I see her smiling over there on the sofa as she texts her friends who she is excited to see and be with again. That is the best @abasket, to know she is going where she feels successful and happy. In a few months I suspect she will be smiling when she texts us when we are close to seeing each other again. The roughly 8000 miles that are going to separate us in a few hours seems very large today.
Hugs @NorthernMom61 - I can’t deny that would be so, so difficult! Thank goodness for technology!
She’s on her way, I had my cry. I am okay.
The cry helps, that’s for sure. that is sweet of you to write your Mom.
I just wrote to my mom, I get it in a way that I never got before. I would write to my mother in law too if she had internet, as she has transported us to the airport numerous times since we have lived overseas. Perhaps I will have to do snail mail for her. Anyway, it was a sad day, but I am good now, I want her to go where she is going. And, to be truthful, she is young, glad that I am not doing that 25+ hour trip, it is a bear.
@NorthernMom61, another expat mom here! We’re still in the college search process, but already I can’t imagine what it’ll be like to put the kid (only child) on the plane for that 25+ bear of a trip. (Or go with him, and cry or feel lonely all the way back.) Yup, now I get how my parents feel when I leave after our inevitably too-short visits 
I love living overseas and am so glad my son has had those experiences, but oh my gosh, wouldn’t it be wonderful to be looking at schools just a few hours up the road … and heck, to me, an 8-hour drive or a cross-continental flight would be “a few hours”! How did you manage that change?!?
Thanks @MomOnALaptop, we too have loved living overseas, though we are starting to plan our transition back in a few more years. Yup, an 8 hour flight feels pleasantly short to us too. I am glad she is the one flying right now and not me. Funny enough, the application process was way more stressful than actually having her in school has been so far. I am grateful for that.
We found out over the break that S2’s post-graduate plans include moving away with the GF to a large city 4 hours away. This is something I knew was likely, but I feel so sad when I think of actually only seeing him a few times a year. S1 it didn’t bother me as much, and he lives much closer, but I feel like I am going to spoil all of graduation season by being a wailing mess.
But you all make me feel like a baby 
8000 miles! Wow!
25 hours! @NorthernMom61, hugs to you and kudos to you too for handling the distance with such grace and optimism. It does really help that the college fit is good and that the kids really love the experience but I’d be crying too. Let’s be honest, I cry with a much shorter distance between us.
This thread caught my eye because my D goes back in less than 2 weeks and I’m feeling increasingly anxious about it. We are not expats but D goes to school on the opposite coast and it feels so far away.
What is weird is that the experience of being far enough apart that getting together takes logistics, time and money is kind of the same. If we were at our stateside home right now we would be about 3 hours drive away from her school, so wouldn’t likely see her often anyway. As she said, one of her roommates lives about 20 minutes away and doesn’t see her parents that often. The difference is, though, that she can. And, @greenbutton, you are not a baby, it’s all relative.
You are right…one son is an hour away, the other 75 minutes. It makes a big difference knowing I can just drive there anytime I want. However…I don’t. We try to give them their freedom, as we had ours. I’m so glad there were no cell phones then. We do typically drive to see them once during the semester for lunch, and they come home once on a weekend…excluding the holidays. One of them is at our Alma Mater, so did go a little more this semester, but half of the time we weren’t even with him…it’s just a great excuse to go back “home”. We met there as freshmen.
I’m still sad, though. I’m pretty good today. Washed and made up their beds, etc. makes me feel better. Having it looked clean and orderly somehow doesn’t hurt as much as when I pass a disheveled room…makes me think of them too much…that they are getting ready to just come home.
It was a GREAT day yesterday dropping him off as he starts his new program. He was so excited and much different than that anxious boy in August.
My daughter is still home for another 13 days…some of her friends are going back, She will be the last one to leave. She isn’t looking forward to going back. I hope her class schedule engages her more than the first semester did.
She is sort of in limbo these days , which saddens me. She got back together with her high school BF at Thanksgiving , but he has some really serious mental health issues which his parents either don’t notice , or don’t address. In all fairness , I would like to give them the benefit of the doubt as his mom is battling cancer. I think she has come to the conclusion that they won’t have a relationship if he doesn’t seek help . So the mood around here is a bit melancholy .
We are hoping for new beginnings with the new semester.
I am doing fine today, kind of rolled back in to where we were before the visit. Her plane is about to land in Boston (gotta love flight tracker), then she has the shuttle ride to campus. Good to know she is making it there. Her dorm bed is going to feel better than ever in a couple more hours. I do like knowing that she is no longer in the air.