@NJres --S took 10 years to graduate, then another year to move out after graduation. So yeah, we are the flip side of the empty nest. 
I was a basket case last year for about two weeks after my son left for college. We have a very close family and it was just incredibly hard on the whole family. We ended up having a group text conversation with my son and my daughter about mostly inconsequential things, where we usually posted something once a day about things we were interested in or what had happened during the day, without any pressure for anyone to respond. It really helped all of us.
It helped me to remember how lucky I was to have kids who could go away to college. I am so blessed to be able to send my kids to a college that they wanted to go to.
I am so lucky that I have “normal” healthy kids. So many do not. There are posters here who have kids who struggle with mental health problems or have kids at home who struggle with other problems and are not going to ever get to go to college. So rejoice that!
And cry when the kid is not around.
My sil had an empty nest for 3 months and then one of hers decided to quit college to pursue a hobby. Having them come back is no picnic!
@deb922, I hear that.
Another single parent with an only child here, OP, and I appreciate what you’re going through. Mine graduated college this year…and started his new job today. Helping him move into his new apartment 2 states away was just so hard!
I know it will get easier, the way it did when he left for college, but there’s no denying that I feel a loss. Yes, I have a life, but the best part of it has been being my kid’s mom. And you know what? Sad as I am, I feel more sorry for parents who don’t feel that way about their kids. So I can tell you from my experience that there will be a new normal, and you will stay a part of your kid’s life, in new ways.
Good luck with your adjustment, and I hope it helps to know you’re not alone in being “a mess!”
@scoutsmom, it does help. Thanks for the sharing and the encouragement. If my son got a job out of state, I would seriously consider following him, I think. Then I hope I would come to my senses, well, at least until there were grandchildren. :">
I’m a huge Beatles fan. A few weeks before my daughter left, I heard She’s Leaving Home and burst out in tears. I still can’t listen to it and it’s been 4 years.
This has been on my mind quite a bit! When I saw the topic, I knew I had to read the thread!
My youngest will be leaving and I know it’s going to be hard, but he’s close enough to visit and I’m very excited for him to start his new adventure at such a great school. The hardest part for me is my oldest will be doing a semester abroad. We have never gone that long (4 months) apart – or been so far away. I’m dealing with it by trying to focus on our “new beginning” and not on the “empty nest” – and I’m actually kind of excited about that. My H and I are planning all the fun things we’ll do with our new freedom. Hopefully, that will make the 4 months fly by.
It’s so nice to commiserate with others about this.
Our S left in 8/2006. D left in 1/2009. They were both 2500 miles–a 5-hour plane ride away. H and I have each other, which helps. We are also helping more with aging relatives and I’ve started a nonprofit that keeps me very busy. Of course I think about them often and we touch base when something comes up or “just because.” We’ve found ways to meet in HI, CA and DC.
It is definitely bittersweet having our kids grow into independent adults, but of course, that is the goal. Congrats on getting to this point.
Try to schedule some fun, nice activities that you’ve never made time for in the days and weeks after your S leaves–art class, cooking class, meal(s) with friends, volunteering, be a tourist in your own town and see the attractions with your tourist point of view, reach out to others.
Thanks to all for the postings here… I read each and am feeling some solace in knowing I am not alone. My D left for a travelling summer class with her college 3 days after graduation in early June. They have been studying in National Parks out West and often have sketchy cell service. However, it feels like the only time we have heard from her this entire summer is when she is not feeling well or when something is wrong. (I guess, then, it’s fortunate we have not heard that much… but it is hard to feel completely disconnected.) She will be back in a bit over a week for 6 days (woo hoo) prior to moving in for Freshman year – and she is going a 14 hour drive away.
I have other children, work full time and have been keeping up with my own friends - actually packing the social calendar to try to compensate. However, I just can’t stop crying… I hold it in all day, but the minute I’m alone the waterworks start. I think my D is just spreading her wings and asserting her independence, but it is difficult not to feel like a personal rejection when she is snap-chatting and texting other folks, but never her parents (her friends have shared pix with us that she is sent — thank goodness for good friends). Making it worse, my youngest (her five year old brother) is especially devastated at losing his best buddy… it is hard to put on a cheery face for him while inside I am feeling dismal.
Glad to hear things will get better. Thanks again to all for validating that this is sort of normal… and this too shall pass.
During my younger child’s first semester of college, in a neighboring state, my older child was doing a study abroad program, in Ghana. My husband, who was in the process of abandoning me, left immediately for a job for which he spent four days and nights per week 150 miles away. He never called me. At least I had the dog! It was rough. It still is sometimes. But like other posters, I take great comfort in having loving children, who still need me and who are great companions when they visit.
"you’re not alone in being “a mess!”
I am not a single parent, but I do have quadruplets - 3 sons + 1 daughter. They just turned 18 and will be going to 4 different colleges in 4 different states - 2 to 4 hours from home. It will be the first time they are separated from each other. My house is going to be sooooo quiet! I appreciate all the comments from the CC posters - they really help and make me feel less alone! My 84 year old parents live 15 minutes from me and they too, will feel the loss. I’m sure I will be spending more time with them once the kids leave for school.
"One more note regarding having “scheduled” talking time: college is very unstructured. This is something that might come as kind of a surprise especially to parents "
Oh Romani, those of us who are old enough to remember when making a long distance call was a big deal most certainly adhered to “scheduled talking time” - on Sunday evenings, when the long distance rates dropped! That’s what everybody did - local or non-local - you scheduled brief. Sunday night check- ins with your parents.
@quadmom1997, oh my! Four freshmen in four states! Wow, just wow!
@rosered55, hugs.
@kidsrexpensive, Right? When my son went to DC with his middle school class for a week, I asked him to check-in with me every night (I just wanted a goodnight phone call). The boy called me six days later; he was at the airport and needed a ride home.
I am also a single mom of a single child. I became a mom via international adoption. While I waited for a referral, I networked like crazy to find friends of young kids since there were none at all in my life before I started the process. I’ve done similar networking in anticipation of and in the actuality of the empty nest–I’ve reached out to old friends and to people I meet who seem like they could be interesting. This was especially important to me since I spent a large part of my daughter’s high school years managing the care of my dad and stepmother, and my dad passed away the day after accepted-students day for my daughter–I was losing both pieces of bread in the metaphorical sandwich. With both of them gone, I no longer had the excuses of my dad and my daughter to stay home and watch mindless tv.
It was much easier (and better!) than I thought it would be. And I am kind of looking forward to the end of dramarama summer living with my kid, when she goes back to school in a couple of weeks.
OP, good luck!
We will be planning a few trips to see my son - he plays an instrument so we will catch a few of his performances. I would suggest making sure you sign up for Parents’ Weekend, and also any other parent programs the college has.
Imagine having what you want to have for dinner! Imagine not having to take someone to their many activities!
Of course, if you really want to go full circle, join a Big Sisters or other youth mentoring program, and volunteer to help someone who hasn’t had a great role model.
This is really so true. There will, and you will. You can’t see it now, and it will take some time. But it will happen.
It may not be in ways you expect. My siblings all lived at home after college, for up to 5 years or a bit more. I didn’t live at home at all after college.
I think communication is key (something I did not have with my parents while I was in college). It is a new thing for your child as well, and it will help both of you to put some effort into your new long-distance relationship.
PG, yes that might be how it worked when you were in college but since people aren’t chained to a wall for calls anymore, that is just not expected.
Truly, I didn’t know a single person in college who had a set time to call and check in with their parents. Mostly, that was because they’d do short exchanges throughout the week (some texts, some emails, etc). If not everyone had a phone, internet, and other unlimited types of communication then the Sunday night check in might be more common still. Instead, it’s rather archaic.