And another single mom of an only child, who’s about to leave in 24 days…but who’s counting? We’ve a bit of a rocky relationship for part of the summer (that old spoiling the next thing), so in some respects I thought maybe that would be helpful. But things have settled down a bit and now I’m treasuring every moment she’s home and we’re watching “Devious Maids” or “The Fosters” together or going out for ice cream.
Like one poster said, maybe it’s like anticipating the shot, that maybe once she’s actually gone I will have already gotten somewhat acclimated to the idea. I will immediately have half of August to fill, a time when the city I live in generally clears out and there’s not much to do. I’ve already scheduled the monthly movie group I organize for the weekend after she leaves. I’m looking at listings for museum exhibits (something D tolerated but never wanted to spend as much time on as me), book readings, etc. so I won’t be coming home after work every night just to hang out with the cats and Alex Trebek. I’m trying to convert my way of thinking from empty nest to fuller life.
But then I think of myself at 18, so ready to get out of the house and go to a college more than 5 hours away. I know I wasn’t giving my parents much thought, beyond our Sunday phone calls and my mom’s letters. That is just way it is. I console myself thinking that I must have done this parenting thing OK since she’s doing exactly what she’s supposed to, teetering at the edge of the nest, so close to launching herself into the world.
@evermom1 , I’ve been feeling sad, too, at the prospect of dropping my youngest off at school next month. I’m still figuring out how to structure my time differently over the next year, but I don’t think I have to sort it all out at once. However, I can say I’m really looking forward to being able to travel, attend concerts and just do what I want whenever I want without having to worry about my son’s schedule. I can make unusual meals (he is super picky), clean the house naked if I feel like it, and I no longer have to nag him to scrub out his shower. I’ll never have to attend another school open house or teacher conference (had these all the way through 12th grade at my kids’ school!), attend 3 hour band concerts, see the same show 4 times, cook for 50 kids in a drama production, fill out those annoying medical forms, send in $70 checks for this or that field trip, and just generally be nickeled and dimed to death by requests for t-shirt money, band hoodies, cast gifts (never got reimbursed for that last one, by the way!) and lunch money.
Yes, I am going to miss his sensitive disposition and sweet, closed mouth smile, but I know this is the next good phase and it’s how things are supposed to be!
I think it still depends. My kid 3000 miles away…we needed to sort of schedule call times due to the time change. And when she was in the Peace Corps we had a very fixed time when we Skype with her…due to the time change…and hers and our schedules. And we were using Skype…and we all wanted to be here at the same time. Under those circumstances, a fixed time was necessary.
Like PG, we had one phone at the end of the hall that the whole wing shared. We had a time sheet hanging next to the phone, and we all signed up for fixed times. It was the way it was.
Yes, if you are studying abroad or something like that where you only have a limited time period where technology is accessible, that is different. That is NOT the norm for college students though. In fact, it’s a pretty extreme minority.
When I was studying abroad, my parents knew I’d call on Saturdays. They never knew when (nor did I) because I was never quite sure when I’d have access to the family computer. But Saturdays were the days I could call (by call I mean Skype).
And REMEMBER, you are going to be busy too! “Scheduling” contact is up to you and your child - but PLEASE don’t think or do the thing where you are hanging at home waiting for them to call! You should be busy too and THAT should be respected by your college student!!
It gets easier. When my daughter left for college, I was depressed. She is a positive energy force and she was gone.
Left a big hole. I used to watch Felicity because the lead character reminded me of my daughter.
That was 12 years ago. My daughter got married this year. My daughter wrote my wife and me a letter. She gave my wife and me the letter the day before the wedding. My daughter thanked us for so much. Then she wrote you two are my best friends.
I asked my daughter, “Are you trying to make me cry?”.
My son and I had a very rocky time when he graduated from high school. It is 8 years later. I spent a couple of days with my son recently. We had a great time. We haven’t had this good a time together since he was 8.
It is really rough when the kids leave. I know it. But years pass and the relationship with our kids can be better than ever!
You absolutely don’t. You’ll have so much time and opportunity to explore, sample, dabble, and seek that next thing. It’s wise, though, that you’re thinking about it now, before the chick actually leaves. It’ll make those first days and weeks easier if there’s something tantalizing to at least slightly offset the missing chick.
Yes it can and does get better! I always got along fairly well with both kids but it’s fun that they are developing into their own people. When we visit, they have their own lives and S has his own place, fixed up the way HE likes it. It’s fun seeing them become fascinating, independent people. It is bittersweet but nice to see their growing confidence and independence.
Yes! @abasket exactly!
Honestly, I’d be a bit sad (as a student) if my parents were waiting around for me to call them. Another reason why a schedule might not be best.
My kids are definitely more interested in us when we’re busy and they’re surprised that we’re at activities they didn’t know we’d be participating in. They forget that life goes on, even if they’re not here with us–we can each enjoy our lives and still be very happy when we are able to spend time together–on the phone or in person.
Hey, you could be lucky like us! Sent DS off to college across the country 5 years ago. A year ago, after graduating, he came back home for a year while he got the next phase lined up. Now he’s off again next week to Graduate school across the country. Deja vu all over again. Still sad but hoping it won’t be quite as sad…
My D has been gone for part of each summer since 9th grade. She’s gone right now and I can barely go to sleep at night because this final summer before college is different.
I’m just going to pretend that Semester 1 of college is a very long summer camp or internship. I hope it works. Then I’ll figure out how to characterize the next semester.
I did not feel missing my S and D when they moved out of the house for college. I felt excited for them. I enjoyed picking them up and dropping them off at the airport twice a year. They both graduated and work far away now and suddenly I miss them so much, especially my D. She just started her job 6 weeks ago.
It is a bittersweet situation. On the one hand, I am very excited that D2 (the baby) will be going to college in a great town. On the other hand, I will miss her lots.
With D1, I was more excited than sad and in the beginning she did call me daily. Hearing about her new friends gave me some relief. Then, she went to graduate school in England and when I left her there, I was so sad. I cried on the train home. I was by myself as DH was home with D2. I felt like she is in another country and she will never come back home. Skype/Facetime help and I have been lucky to be able to visit her during business trips and she comes home twice a year. We chat on FB daily. Technology helps!
With D2, it will be sad because I will go back home to no other kid to take care of. But, last year we got a puppy and she has been keeping us busy. I look forward to being able to focus on myself and DH. However, from D1’s experience, you don’t quite let go completely. There is always something you will end up involved with. Sign up for Family weekend and take a peek in her new world.
When my only left for college a couple of years ago, I was too worried about how she will adjust at college to be sad. Yesterday she said she won’t be coming for Thanksgiving this year, her senior year. That felt like a real break. I am trying hard to be mature about it.
My youngest , my baby I will call her although some will find that term offensive will be leaving four weeks from today. I have identified myself as mother first for the last 28 years of my life, so I am finding myself in a state of emotional turmoil. I would be happier if I knew she was excited about where she is going ( She is lukewarm at best ) She didn’t get to go to the school she had her heart set on and that has been a difficult thing for her since she got rejected )
My husband is a bundle of nerves over our business so he won’t be the shoulder I need to rely on when we send her off. I am very sad about it , to be honest
I hope you will feel free to share your feelings here lje62 in the weeks to come. It’s tough.
I’m guessing your D might be as nervous about it as you are if she is not 100% thrilled at the moment with her school. Do your best to get her out the door with a smile on your face (and hopefully on hers, because of yours) and then work on yourself. That’s part of the gift you give her after those 28 years (even if they weren’t all hers!!!).
Many kids don’t go to their top choice either because they didn’t get in or the price tag was too high. I think she will find that a lot of the kids she meets in late August / early September had dreams of being elsewhere. They’lll share college application war stories First semester can be bumpy and she may still complain. Your job is to listen and be the receptacle for her angst / resentment about where she ended up. There will be bright spots, too. In all likelihood, by end of first year she will be happy and thriving. As for the empty nest, it does get better. Allow yourself to feel sad, but also keep yourself busy. We even formed an ad hoc “empty nest breakfast club” and got togehter every other month for breakfast to compare notes! (Some of the dads even attended)
They forget that life goes on, even if they’re not here with us–we can each enjoy our lives and still be very happy when we are able to spend time together–on the phone or in person.