I thought I would be a mess. Second kid is also “my baby”, she is the kid that wraps me around her finger. Thank goodness she was a not very pleasant kid senior year, my husband and I couldn’t wait for her to leave. To get busy we bought a house her senior year, she didn’t want to move until we decide her opinion didn’t count anymore, since she’s leaving, got involved in doing our own hard scape. Now we are nearly done. We never got a chance to miss her. Fast forward she seems to be back to the kid we used to know, growing up I guess, liking her school even more than when she started. She’s already feel bad about graduating in two years because it’s a gorgeous area. In terms of location, she said it will go downhill when she’s graduating.
Feels like I’m getting fired from the best, most favorite job I’ve ever had…a job I put everything into…a job I ended up being pretty good at…a job I enjoyed just about every single day I did it…and a job I will never, ever have again.
I thought about this thread when walking in my neighborhood this weekend and seeing all of the changes that have occurred in the 17+ years we have lived here. It makes me somewhat sad, but time and life does move on. I admit that I miss my kids and the years when they were younger but that is behind me now. The only way to look is forward.
Last year as I was preparing to send my second (and final) child off, I sat down and came up with a list of things I wanted to do. It included trips (both nearby day trips and longer ones), activities and projects I had never gotten around to. I have made a real effort to do several things on my list. Some have not worked out. I tried tennis lessons (I played a lot in HS and college) but I could not get back into it… Tried knitting but finally admitted that I really don’t enjoy crafts. OTOH, I fell in love with yoga and it is now a regular part of my life.
I have found that it is easier to do things if you plan. I start planning weekend activities (I work full time) in the beginning of the week. I call friends and make plans, etc. This makes it so much more likely that things actually happen.
Good luck, OP.
@prospect1, I could have written your post. D is leaving in a few weeks for her Sophomore year, and it feels like the first time all over again. I am especially grateful for the years we traveled the world together after she deferred college to compete in her sport, but, in some ways, that time together has made her leaving home harder. I am slowly working my way toward a different kind of life with its own satisfactions, but it has been painful. Anyway, I hope to feel better in a couple of weeks, after I get used to her being back in school again.
I’m sure the OP realizes this, but be happy that your child is healthy and capable of being independent. My son, at 23, is not, after having a stellar academic and athletic career in high school. I wish my problem was missing him. Well, I do miss the kid he was, but am adjusting slowly to the new reality.
@prospect, Truly, it is the hardest job we will ever love. At my son’s college orientation, the speakers went on and on about us parents letting our kids grow up and to refrain from interfering in their lives on their behalf. This was emphasized so much, at one point I looked at my son and said, “I guess I’m done being your mom. honey.” Without skipping a beat he said, “But we can still be friends, right?”
@Fallgirl, Thanks. I’m kind of looking forward to running again and yoga too after a twenty-year break.
@MaineLonghorn ((Hugs))
@prospect1 Love, love, love your post! I feel the same way. And as others have said, I am so happy my kids are thriving, productive, able to go to college, lovely people but my heart doesn’t always listen to my brain. Both my children are musicians and I will be going along fine but I always fall apart when I hear a piece of music on the radio that they have played. It’s always a little harder for a few days right after they have been home and then I settle back into my new routine for a little while. Definitely explore new interests or renew old interests, that helps a lot.
@Prospect1, your description brought tears to my eyes…it is so absolutely perfect and true!
@evermom1…I was (and am again this august) in the same boat–single mom of an only. It doesn’t make it any easier when they never went through an unpleasant phase and you were counting the days till they left for college like many moms I knew…
I work full time so that takes up a chunk of the day, but not having to "care for " someone each day is hard! and I just miss doing things with her as she is one of my favorite people in the world to do things with…
I keep thinking I need to finally start dating…but that is even more scary!
@Prospect1, that’s so accurate!
Hugs, ML.
@katie93mom , Agreed, methinks the thought of dating is scary as well! It’s not like running or yoga. There are emotions involved.
The thought of dating my husband again instead of filling the calendar with obligatory kid activities is kind of scary too. We have 2 dates on the books for September to try to get off to a strong start. Hopefully it will be habit forming.
I’m looking forward to it.
My best friend is also becoming an empty nester. We’re planning to have double dates with out spouses.
I think there is a big difference if you have a spouse that you can now “reconnect” with and spend that time together again that you could not always do when a child was in the house.
But when you are single as OP is and this is your only child going off to college…it is a huge void and life change!
very true
Hello,
I feel the same. I’m a single mom and my youngest is heading off to college in just 5 days. Ugh. I have spent the last year trying to prepare for this but despite my efforts, it still feels terrible. The only thing that keeps me semi-afloat is knowing she is, beyond a doubt, ready for this next life step. But I tell you after what seems like a lifetime of being mom and dad, how do you just turn it off. What fills the hours??? I have pushed aside all ideas about who I am or what I want for so long in an effort to focus on my children and to do my best to ensure they were healthy and well and had all of the opportunities of a 2 parent home. That meant giving 110% all the time. The problem is I think I have lost myself along the way. I think this was a necessary prerequisite to maintaining that 110%. But now that I don’t have to be at 110 all the time, I truly have no idea what to do with my time. I cannot remember what I like, or really what interests me. To think outside the context of my children is such a foreign thing. I am not saying this to complain. I have made this choice out of necessity and it enabled me to raise 3 amazing young adults. But when people casually say things like," pick back up an old hobby," or something of that nature, I’ve got nothing. Not one thing comes to mind.
I think that no matter how much you have tried to prepare yourself for her move to college, there will still be feelings of loss and a mourning phase that will come as well. I think the challenge for each of us is to not allow that phase to overwhelm us and keep us stuck. I have no idea how to do this and the days are ticking by but I am sure there is truth in that statement. Right now, I plan to keep as busy as I possibly can. Too much time to think is not good for me. And it does help to keep reminding myself time and again that this is what she needs and I can’t drop the ball now (trying to be the best mom I can be for her). I just hope this can get me through. I have never done online chat, forums, etc but I know I have to connect to other moms, especially single moms who understand without words how empty a house can fill. Thanks for your post. Maybe we can help each other through this time.
You have such confidence. I have no doubt she will be fine. She is amazing and so ready for this next step. But me, I’ve got nothing. So many years of being only “mom,” I have no idea what is left after that??? I think it is complicated by being single - no one else at home to share the weight of the quiet. Any ideas would be helpful! Thanks!
I have just printed your comment to keep close as a reminder, of, well- of all 5 things, but especially of the last statement- I will always be their mom. Though they might not need me moment to moment or even daily, they will need me still. The job is not done. I haven't been fired or replaced. But in the impending and seemingly endless hours of quiet ahead of me I hope these reminders are enough. Thank you for your words of wisdom!
To hear you say, “I got nothing”. 
Perhaps once you get past the drop off, you should treat your life now as you did when you were in your child’s place (if you had that option) - to have the whole world and choices ahead of you to choose. As I said, I HATE the term “empty nest” - I prefer to think of it as “new chapters” - for all involved.
You don’t have to have a plan the day after you drop off.
Hugs to you nooneathome. Get and give lots of hugs these next few days and try your best to send your child off with a smile and pride.
To tell you the truth, the empty feeling and sadness occasionally comes back again and again, It is triggered by various things. My youngest graduated in 2012. Yet I can still feel be brought to tears being reminded “of the days.”
The other day I was finally cleaning out a shelf. It had CDs my D1 made when she was captain of dance team in HS and trip plans for visiting colleges for S. These made me very nostalgic and have tears. Certain songs also always make me cry.
So it doesn’t necessarily go away. At least not for me. If, of course you are better at cleaning out your “stuff,” it might be easier!