This is a very normal feeling, and I find great comfort and solace in being able to “let it out” and misery really does love company. I think it’s better to vent here, and listen to everyone else. I also agree that we need to “pick ourselves up”, but there is nothing wrong with grieving this change of a wonderful life. I do love your posts @abasket, because while we grieve, it’s good for someone to come along and say…nonono…this can be a great time of life. Help us put it into perspective. Plus, we get ideas of what others are doing to make a new life without kids. It’s a process, I know. My hopes are to travel more, have more “dates” with hubby, find some other activieis to meet friends.
Thanks for those words @conmama. I am sometimes a glass half full person to a fault - ALWAYS looking for the positive slant - so it is my nature to turn frowns upside down. 
I was very active in two parent groups at the high school during my youngest’s senior year. So much so, that all I kept hearing was “what on earth are you going to do next year?” By November, I told my husband we needed to plan a trip for September, because I needed something to look forward to that didn’t involve my kids being off at school. Planning a visit to them, or when they would be home was fine, but I needed something for me. We got both kids moved in, and had three weeks before departing on our “empty nest” trip. It was the best thing we could have done, because I was busy getting ready for it, had a great time on it, and by the time we got home, settled back in, etc, it was time for fall break.
The other thing I did was to stumble across my mantra. I finally started saying to people, “I have no idea what I’m going to do next year, but I did things before I had kids, and I will do things once they are gone.” It was very freeing to realize that I could take some time and just breathe.
While I missed my kids (and their friends) filling the house, it was also nice to know I didn’t have to be home by a certain time just in case someone was staying late at school and needed a ride, or have to make a dinner that could be eaten at several different times because of rehearsal schedules, etc. The best was during the worst of the winter storms, as long as I made sure I had a stocked pantry and freezer, I didn’t even have to worry about leaving the house. Nobody hoping for a snow day where I’d be the bad guy for not wanting to drive through a storm to get to the movies, etc.
Good luck to everyone forging their new normal. Life is constantly changing. You will get through it. And then it will change again. This “school years” time was just a particularly long stretch where we were able to get comfortable for a while.
I just want to share this conversation with son as I made his 4 P.M breakfast. I said, “You know where you’ll be this time next week?”
“Yeah, at school,” he said. Then he said, “I’m worry I’ll have problem finding my classes.”
Son is going to a small school with a big campus. I just reminded him that most of his classes would be where he’ll be living in freshman village. His classes on the main campus are a fifteen minutes walk or six minutes ride by the school provided shuttle. I told him, “Once you get to the main campus, all the buildings are clustered together, remember?” Then I asked him how often he got lost on his first day of high school, which was also a large sprawling campus.
“Hardly ever,” he said. “There was always someone to point out the way.”
“Just remember that,” I said. “If you get lost, there will always be someone to point the way.”
It occurred to me that is exactly what this thread is about. As we enter this new stage of our lives, it’s nice to know, should we get lost, there will always be someone to point out the way.
I’m so thankful for everyone advice and encouragement here. You guys rock!
We bring our youngest on Thursday and will return home on Monday night. My older D will be with us for an additional 2 weeks before she goes off. Today I looked at all of the clutter in my living room and all of the collages that D15 made reflecting her high school years, and I became teary eyed. On the one hand this is a happy event and one that we want, while on the other hand I will miss the games, the ceremonies, the day to day events, etc.
I do not really feel that this a true empty nest. I feel like it’s an empty nest in training because this is still their home base and right now they are still financially dependent on us. It will take awhile to get used to this, but I think we slowly will. Right now I sm grateful for my job and am making all kinds of plans with friends whose kids are also in college.
We can get through this!! Ugh LOL
This thread has been very helpful to me today. Thank you so much ladies…I don’t feel so alone, and I plan on leaning on you all for awhile! My shoulder is pretty wide, too! You really are the best.
Oh
Please. They will be wanting your help for the next dozen years. Trust me.
I think a hard part of the empty nest is that I’m still needed (and I’m very happy to provide help!) but I don’t get the daily contact (having meals together, watching TV, chatting) that are the “rewards” for the work of being a mom. Often, the situation is literally “no news is good news,” meaning I don’t hear from my daughters unless they’re having problems.
^^^ I think you can point that out too - “hey D, I’d look forward to our phone calls a lot more if they weren’t just focussing on the going-wrong issues!”
My D2 is my ALWAYS tv watching partner - maybe just an hour each night, but 18 years of habit - I will miss that alot. But we will chat on the phone about our favorite shows.
On our dog walk (just returned) DS said that he has mentally switched gears and is ready to go away. He has sort of three musketeers friend group and the first left on Saturday. He is the middle to go and 2 auxiliary friends leave a day later. The third of the group doesn’t go until the end of the month. He said that since #1 left he has felt ready to start saying goodbye (for now) to his friends and “go meet new ones”. That warmed the cockles of my heart. He took kind of a gap summer with a road trip lots of bon fires, hikes, etc. and really just lived into chilling with his friends and having adventure (punctuated by an early orientation and a family reunion). I’m glad that he feels like that is out of his system now and he’s ready to go. He really pushed through his last 2 years and was worn out. It’s easier to “let” him go if he feels really enthusiastic about the next adventure.
We are just happy to receive a quick email between D’s shifts. We do not dare to call her, we do not want to bother her. I just pray that she survives in the next 2 weeks. Then she will be off the floor shifts for 6 weeks and I will breathe with relief until her next one. Everything is relative. If you have a chance to talk to them about ANYTHING, the worst complaints ever, appreciate the opportunity, it will not last forever…
I know I’m not the only parent who has neglected their own health check-ups due to busy schedules while raising kids. I recently went in for a physical and got caught up. I want to be there for the life events of my adult children. I just want to share this if anyone else is in the same boat, but might be afraid to go to the doctor, especially while they are going through the emotional turmoil of kids leaving. As the saying goes, where did time go? Just last week I was a young mom, carefree about my own health, only worried about my babies.
^^^^ Agree! I went on a spurt of “me time” with both medical checks and a few tune ups and diet / exercises after getting kid #1 off to school. Kid #2 was in 10th grade so a lower stress year. I plan on doing that again this year.
It didn’t hit me until the drive home after driving our son to drop-off last year. I cried and I desperately searched for clothes of his to wash. Weird huh? I went in to see him for dinner like a week later and realized he was fine and I was fine. At dinner I jokingly asked him if he wanted to come home, he said no of course. And I said, great cuz you can’t go back to high school and what would you do at home? Find a job at the ice cream stand? That’s closing for the fall. But the exercise helped me realize it was for the best. But that 1st day, uh uh … I remember telling my brother, when you have a baby they hand you this person you don’t even know, and it develops a personality and you develop a responsibility for it cuz it’s so helpless and you indeed help it with everything EVERYTHING and it become somebody, with a name, and it’s a member of your family, now you are a group! and you feel like wow, this is what a family is, then when they go to college “they” take a family member away. Heart wrenching. Can’t imagine how the Jews felt when the Germans ripped families apart, murdering some and abusing others. I guess we can take solace that our kids are ONLY going to school and living the American dream happy and safe, huh?
Out of curiosity (if you care to share), how far is your student whose making your “nest empty” going to be from home???
Mine: about 2 hours 15 minutes away. Bonus: she is basically in the same town as her sister who graduated college 2011. So at least when I visit, it’s a 2 for 1.
Just me and my daughter, who left this morning for sophomore year. 6-hour drive or bus ride. Flying quicker but who can afford that?
My no-longer-fledgings are far away: one 2,000 miles, one 1,000 miles. And although I’m married, my husband chose to become his parents’ in-home caregiver four years ago, and he never calls and visits only when the children are at home (which happens rarely).
Older D is a little under 4 hours away. D15 will be about 11 hours away by car. When we dropped older D off it did not hit me either. It did not even hit me on the ride home. It hit me on her first day of class when she sent me a picture. I cried on and off for 3 weeks when I realized I was not there in person on the first day of school. I also felt bad for D15- to me she looked so lonely. All of a sudden those little moments were not there. There were no " look at my new shoes" moments at 10:00 pm. D15 did not care the way I did!! She was happy!! Took over sisters desk and that was that. D15 acted like nothing unusual was going on, and my friend reported the same with her younger kid. The two of them skyped, texted, face-timed etc and pretty soon this " new normal" felt pretty comfortable.
We are leaving in 2 days, and in one week my D15 starts classes. Underneath the sadness I really am happy and truly excited for her. We can do this!!
My fledgling will be just over two hours away, and it’s a super easy drive. His school is having parent’s weekend the second week of November. Excuse me, but what kind of sense does that make? Two weeks before Thanksgiving break? I’ll be making my own parent’s weekend in October, thank you very much.
@oldmom4896, my sister just flew down from Atlanta to Tampa for $38 dollars on Southwest Airline! It takes me eight hours to drive up and visit them. Seems like you can score some pretty sweet deals if you book a flight on certain days.