<p>Wow. My advice is that you take control of the situation and give your girlfriend a chance to reconsider her strategy. If what she says is true, you’re going to be a father and need to start thinking about what is best for ALL of you. In this instance, that means going to Cal. In other words, the very fact of her alleged pregnancy REQUIRES that you go to the school that promises the best career options. If you explain it to your gf in that way - I’m sorry honey, but we’ve got to start thinking about what’s best for our kid and that means going to Cal - you’ll remove the current incentive for her to use this pregnancy to manipulate you.</p>
<p>There’s also her to think about. The fact that she didn’t want you to go to Cal (if she’s as wonderful as you say, she should be the first person to encourage you), and that she supposedly “accidentally” became pregnant in 2014, strongly suggests she has some issues. In that case, the LAST thing she needs is a kid.</p>
<p>First of all @bravozulu changing the direction of the convo is EXCELLENT advice! </p>
<p>@someperson1 :
Next, as an adult, I can tell you from years of experience, she may be the greatest now, but these actions of hers are not the best on many levels. I had bf’s in high school and early college, and really, what you think is the greatest at that point in time isn’t really the greatest as you move forward and meet new ppl. That’s not to say ppl do not meet at a very early age, get married, and live happily ever after. It happens, but not so often. Ask yourself a few things, one big one being will she resent all your new friends at college? If she manipulates you now, will she manipulate you later - and in ways that are not helpful to a growing family? Will she unexpectedly get pregnant again (when you both decided to wait)? And maybe at a key juncture.</p>
<p>I’m not saying she would do these things, but my radar is on high alert after this situation and her behavior in it. What do your friends think about her? Often they see it best.</p>
<p>I’m not saying this against her, as she could be the best in the world. But it is a possibility to consider. It is your future, after all, and if you have dreams, it’s crucial you be with someone who shares those dreams wholeheartedly.</p>
<p>Against my better judgment, I am going to weigh in here. (I am a parent.)</p>
<p>It takes two to tango. YOU chose to have sex with your girlfriend. YOU are now in a situation that requires you to take responsibility. Once the pregnancy is confirmed, then I suggest that you and your parents and she and her parents all get together to figure out a way to make this work. Whether that means you go to Cal, you go to a different school, you wait on college a few years and get a job, this is a situation that YOU and she created.</p>
<p>As a parent I am also going to say we don’t know that for sure @suzy100. If you think no girl has ever deliberately done something behind a guy’s back, then I don’t know what to say. Punching holes in condoms, there are tons of ways - and it still happens. So we really don’t know.</p>
<p>But regardless, I 100% disagree that he should give up Berkeley. I fanatically disagree. That advice serves no benefit to anyone. She can move with him or stay with her parents during the ultimately short period he has to complete his studies. Transferring to a state college after getting into Berkeley is just incredibly short-sighted and there is no clear reason for it. No disrespect, but I sincerely hope he does not go that route and gamble away all their lives. </p>
<p>Has adoption been discussed? Sounds like placing the (presumed) baby for adoption might be a good solution for everyone involved, especially the baby.</p>
<p>I am also going to add some other options, as getting into Berkeley is such a monumental achievement and life-changing position to be in, it is not to be tossed away lightly. First, your GF can work through December at least, whether she moves with you to Berkeley or not. Family housing is cheaper at Berkeley, and perhaps when your families all have that pow-wow, they agree to help with finances for the next year, if possible - with a plan for repayment, if that’s what they want. </p>
<p>By the same token she can live at her parents that last year or so (which is where she is living NOW), so that will alleviate a great deal of costs. There are a ton of simple options to keep you at Berkeley, not make you go to a state college, and God forbid, make you stop ALL SCHOOLING and get a job! (It’s a tough crowd out there, folks…)</p>
<p>Sorry to go on about this, but giving up the #1 public university in the world, one of the top ten public and private universities in the world, makes me see RED… </p>
<p>Okay, one more piece of advice. In addition to removing the current incentive for your gf to continue to manipulate you with what may be a fake pregnancy, I strongly advise that you NOT be intimidated by those who will insist that, because YOU helped to create this situation, you have to go along with whatever stupid and short sighted course of action is proposed. </p>
<p>It might make your insecure gf happier if you don’t go to Cal, but that isn’t in her best interest or in the interest of any unborn child. Hopefully your parents (and hers) will understand this. If you and your gf are first gen and your parents don’t understand that one school IS NOT the same as any other, you need to explain it to them. You should also reject any plan that has you deferring and working. Unless you’re a welder or oil rig worker, no job you’re likely to get is going to be worth it in the long run. </p>
<p>I can’t even believe this is a question. GO TO BERKELEY.
If she needs you there that bad, tell her to haul herself to Berkeley and if she doesn’t want to raise a kid by herself, tell her to give the baby up for adoption. She is selfish for wanting you to give up such an incredible opportunity for her.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You don’t know if the baby will make it to term </p></li>
<li><p>The child could very well not be yours</p></li>
<li><p>You’ll hate her forever for making you give up such an amazing opportunity </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Also, there are more options than keep the baby or abortion. Please, no abortion She can have the baby and give the child up for adoption if she must where the both of you will have visitation.</p>
<p>I agree @anniebeats, adoption is a great option. Both my kids are adopted. But the visitation part is probably not a hot idea (on both sides). I don’t know anyone who does that - or did it with any success. They can always reconnect at age 18.</p>
<p>@lindyk8 I only proposed visitation as an idea because if this story is true, it seems like the mom would want to have contact with the baby still. But you can very well give the child up without any visitation as well. It can make things easier for the child growing up. Having 4 parents can be kinda confusing at a young age…</p>
<p>So you ladies think this girl, who has tried to discourage her bf from pursuing this fantastic opportunity for no other reason than the fact that she wants him to be near her, would have the maturity and selflessness required to give up a baby for adoption? If she really is pregnant - and the timing of her announcement makes that questionable - she doesn’t strike me as the mature or selfless type.</p>
<p>Take her to Maury Povich, you can dance around when he says “You are NOT the father!”. But seriously, if she is in fact with child, then she should know that you going to Cal will better not only your future, but the child’s. </p>
She can have the baby and give the child up for adoption if she must where the both of you will have visitation.</p>