I'm in! Now what?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Long-time lurker, occasional poster on another account, first-time thread starter. You parents are generally knowledgeable and helpful, so I thought this would be the forum to place my query.</p>

<p>In short, after a long and arduous college admissions process, one that only proves that the holistic approach is indeed thus, I have finally been accepted after wait list into my top choice HYP. I’m very excited to attend this wonderful college and know that I will have a wonderful time, but I guess I’m still a little worried. You see, my case is perhaps a little different from that of most of my accomplished future classmates. My grades have been inconsistent for the last few years due to personal turmoil, including the deterioration of mental health. In light of my history, then, I’m a little nervous that I won’t be able to handle my dream school.</p>

<p>Initially I wrote a long post detailing my situation, but now I feel a few quick, general questions to both parents and students will be sufficient, and I can provide more detailed information if by some odd chance you must hear more about my circumstances before offering advice:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>How do you best deal with a high-stress, challenging environment of the sort found at a HYP? I’m very prone to stress right now and so am worried that I might be overwhelmed. Happy, yes, but overwhelmed.</p></li>
<li><p>If you are currently enrolled in an Ivy or have children there, what have course workloads looked like on a detailed level? Obviously everyone’s schedule is unique, but what sort of hours have you/your child been clocking in terms of homework?</p></li>
<li><p>What sort of questions should I be asking myself in order to figure out whether this is a good decision to make? I have not yet accepted the offer, so technically I still have some time to think about it. I really have been hoping for this school for what seems like forever, but I’m nervous now, and I guess I’m hoping to figure out if this is just typical cold feet or an instinct I should pay closer attention to.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I may have further questions later on, but I hope someone will be able to give me advice for any of the above.</p>

<p>Thanks for reading! I look forward to pondering your responses.</p>

2

<p>Whether you accept this offer from an Ivy waitlist or go to whatever other college you had planned to attend, you may want to consider these suggestions:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Deliberately choose a relatively light courseload for your first semester. There’s a lot of change to adjust to in your first semester; it’s not the time to overload yourself academically. Don’t exceed the recommended number of courses or credits. Try to take mostly subjects that are comfortable for you, and if there’s a subject where you are more prepared than the average student (say, a subject where you got a 4 on the AP test but you can’t get credit because your college requires a 5), that might be a good choice for first semester. If there’s a particular subject or course that you feel intimidated about, let it wait until second semester or sophomore year if possible.</p></li>
<li><p>Use the resources of your college. You’re paying for them! There is academic help available, and there are plenty of counseling resources, too. Don’t let problems linger and grow. If you don’t know how to find help, a good place to start is with your RA (or whatever they are called at your college). They usually know what resources are available and can steer you in the right direction.</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t be intimidated by the people around you. Although there will be some superstars, most are in the same academic league that you are. That’s why you got admitted.</p></li>
</ol>

3

<p>I can’t answer your questions specifically, but I would recommend seeking guidance about this from your mental health professional as well, if you have a relationship with one.</p>

4

<p>1) No way to really answer the question without more information. For example, if your deposited school is a pressure-filled college like Hopkins, then HYP won’t be any different. But, if your choice is Bard, then HYP will be a whole lot different workwise. It also depends on which of the three – I’m guessing that P is the most LAC-like, and H the most big Uni like. OTOH, if you are already in at Brown, with its flexible curriculum and pass-fail and drop options , you might be better off there.</p>

<p>2) Depends on your intended major. Engineering and/or premed can be much more demanding and time consuming than English Lit (assuming you’re a great writer).</p>

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<p>Marian: I think your first suggestion is especially aces! I’ll try to keep that in mind. I have a tendency to go for the most/hardest courses, which perhaps isn’t the best idea for my first year of competitive college. Thank you for your reply.</p>

<p>Greta: I will definitely talk it over with him. We’ve discussed it but not in detail.</p>

<p>Bluebayou: Ok, if this helps, my deposited school is a college in the CC Top LACs list - well-regarded, competitive, challenging. I know that school too wouldn’t be a pushover; I just don’t know how much more competitive HYP would be than the LAC. I would identify both colleges, but I don’t want to risk revealing my identity (very unlikely, but I’m a complete worrywart!). I guess that’s why I asked the question about the course-load. I do realize that every schedule is different, as is every student, and so there is no “real” single or average answer to that question, but I was hoping that if people posted responses, I would be able to gauge what my own workload might look like. This is on the assumption that the students who would post would be, like me, motivated students taking academically challenging courses.</p>

<p>My intended major - I haven’t decided yet for sure. Languages and literatures, definitely. I can read literature with relative ease in two foreign languages, neither Romance, and am currently taking a third, also uncommon for my age group (although growing in popularity!). I’m greatly interested in comparative literature. I’m also a pretty good writer, although I don’t know yet how I’ll stack up against my future classmates, so I’m considering taking creative writing courses as well. My analytical essays are weaker compared to my creative writing but have been acceptable at my highly selective high school.</p>

<p>I realize that I haven’t provided enough information to get truly precise advice, but I hope that perhaps someone will be able to share their experience and help me in a general manner anyway (:. You all have been helpful so far - thank you for that!</p>

6

<p>You’re stressed, and you aren’t even at the stressful school yet? :eek:</p>

<p>Having had a D graduate from H, here is my advice.</p>

<p>Absolutely agree with Marian that you not load up too heavy that first semester. The kids who had trouble jumped into the more advanced classes with upperclassmen. Hey, these classes are hard and you’re trying to adjust to being away from home and being at college and making new friends. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself while you’re getting used to your new situation.</p>

<p>Realize that statistically, you don’t stand much of a chance at being in the top 10% of your college like you were in high school. After all, almost everyone in your college class was probably in the top 10% of their high school and you all can’t be in the top 10% of college. In fact, 90% of you WON’T be in the top 10% of your college. Just do your best in the time you have. If you are in the top 10%, great! If not, it’s OK. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be the top of the class.</p>

<p>Realize that even though it is hard to get an A in a class, it is extremely difficult to fail a class. Most of the class will be in the B range. If you don’t finish your problem sets you could be in the C range. [Personal experience of D] But you really have to work to fail. So don’t put pressure on yourself to get As.</p>

<p>Realize that you don’t have to be at the top of your class at your college to go on to a wonderful career and a fulfilling life. So don’t think you will be doomed if you can’t get all or any As. Don’t put pressure on yourself.</p>

<p>So my basic mantra: don’t put pressure on yourself. You WILL graduate from your HYP college, maybe at the top of your class, maybe not. You will go to the graduate/professional school of your choice, or a lower tiered one, but you’ll go. You will get that business job you wanted, or one like it that isn’t in NYC. Just enjoy your time there.</p>

<p>No one is going to look at you and think, “How in the world did he/she get into HYP?” Many will be thinking that YOU are thinking that about THEM. So relax and enjoy your time at college. Sure, you’ll work hard in spurts. But my D had time to do lots of ECs while in college and to make great friends. Don’t sweat the details yet.</p>

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<p>Just remember that college classes are a LOT harder and more demanding than those in HS, even AP’s. If you currently don’t have good time management skills, then it is crucial to your success and happiness that you find a system that works for you and use it consistantly. Nothing will cause more stress than putting off 200 pages of reading until the night before it is due. That said, most top colleges want you to succeed and will extend a hand to help you, IF YOU ASK FOR IT. Never be afraid of asking for help, irregardless of whether it is your professor, the TA, the Student health office, other students etc. Many students in difficult classes form study groups to help each other out- so you don’t have to try to do it all by yourself. And finally, Harvard and other top colleges encourage burned out accepted students to take a gap year if they want or need to. All you have to do is ask for a deferral for a year and sometimes 2 years, and there is no stigma attached. If you are dealing with mental health issues you may want to consider this option, and start college at HYP when you are more ready to face this new phase in your life.</p>

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<p>Some suggestions:</p>

<p>Aside from not taking more courses than you need to, don’t take only courses that are intended to fulfill your gen ed requirements. Chances are that many of these courses will be challenging, even if they are introductory courses, because they do not play to your strengths. Instead, take one or two courses in your intended major, since these are more likely to be truly interesting to you.
Bear in mind that language courses generate tons of homework because they tend to be taught every day instead of 2-3 times a week, and you need to do the homework every day to keep up. Don’t take more than one language course at a time.
Balance the language course with courses that do not require you to produce homework every week, whether in the form of weekly response papers (on top of midterm, final, term paper) or problem sets. There are probably courses that only have a midterm, a final and a term paper but no weekly writing assignments. Check out the exam schedule so that you do not end up taking two midterms or two finals on the same day.
Balance large lecture classes with small ones where you will have a chance to talk, get to know the prof and your fellow students.
Be organized. Start your homework early–it always takes longer than one expects. Keep up the readings.
Get to know the profs; go to their office hours. Don’t be afraid to email them questions about the course. Join study groups.
Get involved in some ECs and enjoy the social scene.
Don’t be afraid to make use of the health center.
Tell yourself that the college did not make a mistake in admitting you and that you will succeed and shine. And be determined to enjoy the next four years.</p>

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<p>Marite has great suggestions. You don’t want to take only courses that have home work every day (like languages) or several times a week (many intro math and science courses), but you also don’t want to only take courses that all have one big paper due at the end of the term. Also don’t do what my sister-in-law did and sign up for four courses that you can’t drop at the end of a semester if you don’t like them.</p>

<p>Personally, I found that Harvard was no harder than high school (good prep school) - easy to get a B, but considerably harder to get A’s. But it’s fine to get some B’s - and as a freshman even a lot of B’s. </p>

<p>Take at least one course that is something you haven’t been exposed to at all.</p>

<p>And if you feel stressed, remember the college health center is there to help.</p>

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<p>So, just to summarize the new advice gained since my last post for my own benefit:</p>

<p>1) Don’t stress! Enjoy yourself and your new environment.
2) Be lenient with the course line-up for your first semester.
3) A gap year might be a good idea.
4) Learn time management and organization (any websites or tips on this one? I tend to work quickly and efficiently but in spurts!).
5) Branch out in your courses; don’t restrict yourself to gen ed requirements; balance, balance, balance.
6) The health center is your friend.</p>

<p>Thank you all for the above advice and for any other advice I might have missed but will almost definitely reread many times in the days to come (I love rereading threads!). All your suggestions have been great and helpful!</p>

<p>Also, I actually did think of taking a gap year! However, I am not sure what I would do during it. I really love academics and learning, and I don’t want to sacrifice that altogether during my gap year. I am also considering community service. I can’t do anything out of state until later in the year because I’ve talked it over with my psychiatrist, and we both agree that actively addressing my mental health is the most important thing. Does anyone remember any good CC threads/posters I should check up on or websites I should read to help me plan my gap year?</p>

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<p>New post for length (sorry, my really long post was bothering me).</p>

<p>Marite: I completely hear you that I shouldn’t take more than one language course at a time. I think this definitely holds true for introductory courses, because you have to put so much time into them. But the languages I’m considering are an introductory classic language (no speaking component) for later years, an intermediate/advanced course for my freshman year, and another advanced course in a different language. The first language is one that I really hope to take even though it has seemingly little to do with my field of focus thus far; it’s just a personal childhood dream and a promise I made to myself to fulfill upon gaining entrance to this particular college. The second language is possibly integral to my major (haven’t decided yet) and I intend to take it for at least two years. The last language, Chinese, I have spent four years of high school and countless hours on and I am capable of reading full-length novels in my free time. As I have achieved a degree of proficiency, it’s not necessary that I take it all four years of college, for example, but I hope to retain my fluency, and of course, especially with something like Chinese, there’s always room for improvement. </p>

<p>I tell you all this to give you a better idea of what the time commitment might look like when I say that I may have to take two of these languages at the same time due to time constraints, most possibly the two advanced courses. Are two advanced courses “easier” than two introductory courses, in your opinion, as the student is already relatively fluent? Or would an advanced course and an introductory course be better? </p>

<p>The other option I am looking at is study abroad. For example, I could take Languages One and Two at college, not at the same time, and then spend a year or a summer abroad in China or Taiwan. Does this option look more feasible? I guess I’m just saying that I know that I definitely want to pursue languages, but I don’t want to drive myself into a corner in terms of options or workload.</p>

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<p>I strongly suggest that you get guidance now from your present or former mental health professional, and find a mental health professional at your college’s counseling center or a private one in that area to help you through the adjustment period when you get to college. For everyone, it’s stressful adjusting to college, but the stress can be worse for people who have mental health problems, so plan ahead to get the support that you need.</p>

<p>Your concerns are too serious to rely on advice from strangers on an Internet board. Get professional help.</p>

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<p>I don’t know. I agree that mental health concerns should not be decided on an internet forum. That said, I think my question about language courses can be weighed in on by anonymous strangers!</p>

<p>I also want to clarify that I DO have a mental health professional and we DO talk. I also have support in my college’s area, although I have not yet contacted the college health center or counseling services as I am likely taking a gap year and won’t be on campus until 2010. I will keep in mind your recommendation to retain professional help for the adjustment period. Support is indeed a good idea! (:</p>

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<p>Your language course questions probably would best be answered by students at the school you’ll be attending. I suggest posing the questions on the college’s board here on CC></p>

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<p>^^ Check to make sure that accepted waitlisters are allowed to take a gap year. Some colleges don’t allow it.</p>

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<p>Perhaps you could take Chinese as a summer school or, if they have such a term, the one month January term? This would allow you to focus on just the one subject and avoid the doubling up which could be very difficult. </p>

<p>My other advice is what I learned the hard way - and I tell my kids now - get out to an early start in the semester. </p>

<p>If you can find out what books you are using for a specific class (e.g. John Taylor’s Economics for Econ 1A) get the book this summer and self study the first few chapters. The lectures will make a heck of a lot more sense if you have read the material before coming to class. Then make an effort to stay ahead during the first part of the semester - if you build a strong foundation on everything through the first mid term, life becomes much easier the second half of the semester. College courses really build on the early material - so mastery of that is key to success in the class.</p>

<p>I also agree with the idea of taking a light load the first year. If 12 units is the minimum for full time, take 12 units. Then add one more class - a one unit PE class of some kind. It won’t require any time outside of class - and will give you an outlet for nervous energy. Also, if possible, take classes that relate to one another. For example - British Lit and History of Great Britain. The overlap will aid you in both classes.</p>

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<p>Before you make more plans for a gap year be SURE you can take one. I really doubt that a college would allow it for some accepted students and not for others, but it is best to be have the approval of the admissions office before you proceed. Now as to gap year plans, if you have time in addition to the time you need to take with your Dr to stabilize your mental health, perhaps you can find some local outlet to keep your Chinese in top form- volunteering to teach English to recent Chinese immigrants? Or ?? I also agree that doing a summer term in China, once you are enrolled in college, would be a good way to keep current on your Chinese. Good luck.</p>

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<p>If you at all can, I would advise finding your mental health professionals outside of your college’s counseling center. I have a friend at a similarly high-level, high-stress school, and from her experience at her school, that would be a really good idea. I’m not really comfortable saying much more here, but if you want more information about that and why, definitely PM me.</p>

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<p>You should not feel “different” at all. More than half of the students at our daughter’s Ivy school are on anti-depressants and many students are struggling with mental health issues. In some ways, mental health issues come with the territory for some high achievers, at least that is what I have read, and our daughter’s observations pretty much line up with that.</p>

<p>I will PM you about the school we know most about.</p>

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<p>This summer work with your mental health professional on techniques for you the utilize when you feel stressed. Coping will be your biggest challenge, not academics. Best of luck.</p>