<p>My then 24 year old took a post Peace Corps trip with two friends that included stops in Cape Town, Istanbul, three places in Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore and Sidney. They traveled via public transportation and stayed at hostels (except in Capetown and Sidney where we have family and friends). They were not part of a group. BUT they had good common sense, and had lived in a third world country for two years. </p>
<p>They emailed daily and called once a week. We had their full itinerary…almost down to the minute. </p>
<p>Was I worried…a little. But I knew the trip would be wonderful…and it was.</p>
<p>My daughter went to Myanmar in the spring of 2012. She spent a week there traveling around by herself. She had a wonderful time and never felt safer in her life. It was right before the elections – an exciting time because she got to visit a campaign office and as a souvenir, she bought me a mug with a picture of Aung San Suu Kyi. She had an absolutely incredible experience and came back with extraordinary photographs as well. </p>
<p>The hardest thing about her Myanmar trip was that it was the first place she had traveled where she thought she wouldn’t have regular internet access. (Turns out she was mistaken - she pretty much had a connection wherever she stayed.) Generally when my daughter is traveling alone I like her to email me once a day with a status update. </p>
<p>I’m pretty sure that my daughter did have an armed soldier with her group when she traveled to Israel, which may very well be the most dangerous place she’s visited. But of course thousands of Americans visit every year without incident.</p>
<p>My younger son’s freshman year he came up with a project to spend most of winter break in Pakistan and India interviewing people about nuclear disarmament. We were not happy campers. The trip was partially funded by a university grant, but we had to kick in a good portion of the expense. At one point as we were sending him State Dept security alerts and asking whether he really wanted to do this, he muttered he was going with or without our permission. (I did wonder where the extra money was coming from…) Luckily for him despite our worries we did let him go. He’s a sensible kid and it helped a lot that both his parents had grown up in the foreign service. I’d been traveling on my own from Africa to the US and various places in Europe since I was 15, so it was hard for me to say he wasn’t old enough.</p>
<p>Whether dangerous or not, it is your life, your risk, and your decision. And they don’t have a right to make that decision or just tell you ‘no’, especially considering you are financially independent.</p>
<p>Years ago I traveled in what was then Burma. No problem, and people were very sweet. Would love to go there tomorrow, as is on the cusp of great change, which can be a fascinating time to visit. </p>
<p>S has been there a few times, as well as to all other countries in SE Asia without problem or worry on my part. Though southern Thailand or the Mindanao in the Philippines would concern me due to rebel activity. Most of Thailand needs their tourist dollars and treat foreigners very kindly. Cambodia and Laos are poor, and need tourists as well. D lived in Israel for most of last year, and I feel far better about her being in Israel than many places in this country. </p>
<p>There is danger, and then there is perception of danger, which can be rather separate issues. </p>
<p>Can you speak with your professors, see if they’ll talk to your parents? This sort of fear is not unusual. Have some compassion for their fear, as this is probably all very new and scary for them. Give it some time, and keep working with them on pushing the envelope, though it does not sound easy.</p>
<p>OP, if I were you, I think I’d want some assurance that your college and professor know what they’re getting into. Have they done this study-abroad before? I’m not sure I’d want to be in the first group to go there if the situation is a little dicey.</p>
<p>Having said that, I agree with others that this is your decision, not your parents’. BUT I’d advise you to avoid an in-your-face declaration. Instead, wow them with your information-gathering skills and your ability to think through all the possible problems. Gather up all the information you can about the destination. Print out the State Department travel advisory. Tell the professor about their concerns, and ask if it’s OK if they contact him directly to discuss it. Assuming it is, give them his phone number. Approach your conversation with them as “This is important to me because ______. I’ve done a lot of research on safety factors, and this is what I’ve found. My professor is available to discuss your concerns and answer any questions.” Come across as a reasonable adult, rather than a rebellious child. </p>
<p>Since they’ve been so protective of your travelling even inside the US, I suspect their real problem isn’t that you’re going to this particular country, but that you’re going at all. They’re having trouble letting go, which is not uncommon for us parents. My daughter went to China, and my impulse as a mother was to say, “Over my dead body!” But I knew it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her, so of course I didn’t let her see my fear. But believe me, it was there. I think there’s always that conflict for us when we see our kids going into situations where we can’t protect them. So be patient with them; it comes from a place of love.</p>
<p>^^^Well said LasMa!! I agree that it is important to present this to your parents as a well-thought-out plan and approach them as a mature adult. Stay calm and be firm. Let them know that you understand their concerns but that you feel you have adequately addressed them. </p>
<p>Could there be any repercussions as far as filling out FAFSA’s or other paperwork required for your scholarship?? Just be sure you cover all of your bases and be sure to have fun!!!</p>
Whoa. My DS has travelled to Honduras and Nicaragua with Engineers Without Borders. They had all sorts of checks and balances in their safety system (coordinated with the embassy, local Peace Corps volunteers, etc. Do you know how well this program coordinates with local US agencies that know their whereabouts and contacts?</p>
<p>I like the tone of the more recent comments. OP, you sound like a bright, reasonable person and I commend you in your efforts to consider your parents’ opinions and not be disrespectful. I echo what LasMa and takeitallin have said in that I hope there’s a way you can speak with them about their concerns, offer responses (i.e. examples of precautions taken to ensure safety), options (i.e. to speak with the professor), etc. and then tell them, firmly, calmly and politely, that you love them and do value their advice, this is something that’s very important to you and you have elected to go. Ask if there’s anything else you can do to help them feel comfortable with the trip but do follow your dream! Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Where did the OP say they were financially independent?</p>
<p>To the OP, Unless you are truly financially independent of your parents, which I doubt, then going without their permission is an immature move. If you get hurt, who is going to pay for your medical expenses? To medi-flight you home? To take care of you should you need rehab of some kind?</p>
<p>I suspect, like most college students, you believe you are independent only because you have chosen to not think through the situations that highlight how very dependent you still are on your parents.</p>
<p>I think your parents are being unreasonable. If I were your parent, I’d let you go. But if my son, who is 21 and mostly financially independent, disrespected us by doing something like you are planning on doing, that would be the sign to us that he was truly independent and we would cease the amount of financial support we do provide, including filling out the FASFA form that he needs us to sign each year for that scholarship. Nor would we pick up expected bills, which can spiral out of control very quickly.</p>
<p>Before you declare yourself truly independent, make sure that you really are.</p>
Where has the OP demonstrated that they are not thinking through the outcomes of not listening to their parents? You suspect this solely because the OP is a college student? That’s a judgmental way to think. </p>
<p>In my mind, you should go on the trip, OP, and do as colorado_mom’s kids do: wear them down. Have you given some time to think about letting you go? A good night’s sleep does wonders…</p>
<p>PS - This worn down mom is about to give the OK for DS to go to Singapore next semester if his application gets approved. It still worries me, but darn… he has been chugging through all our requirements (including good progress on pre-arranging a summer internship).</p>
<p>I heard about this. It happened right next to where I lived in Costa Rica. The local reaction was strongly AGAINST poaching and the violence. Yes, some locals like to eat them but the majority do not. They are harvested to be eaten in Asia, NOT Costa Rica.
I felt safer living there, where this happened, than I have in many, many places in America. Risks are every where- yes, some more than others, but many things are blown way out of proportion. </p>
<p>OP, maybe I missed it, but who is paying? (Both for college and for the trip?) If you’re financially independent, you can go but understand that this might cause a rift. If you are dependent on them for finances, it’s not smart to go- wait until after college and then travel. </p>
<p>If they’re not even letting you out of the state it seems as though the issue goes way beyond their fears of other countries.</p>
<p>I’m going against the grain a little here. I’m going to focus on your relationship and not so much on finances (well covered). While I think traveling is a great thing to do and I plan to encourage my children to travel widely, your post points to a certain amount of immaturity. This may be why your parents are “refusing” permission.</p>
<p>You present your argument for travel in the negative: you gave up an OOS college, you resent your parents, you haven’t traveled outside the county. I get the feeling you fell back into a younger version of yourself when you talked to your parents.</p>
<p>Figure out your objectives in dealing with your parents. You want their “permission” to go abroad (at the very least you want your passport if you don’t already have it) and you want to maintain a relationship with them. Right?</p>
<p>Try using positives. Cut the drama. Say you are going on this trip your professor is sponsoring. Say the funding is set. Tell them you have done the legwork. Say this program/ trip moves you forward toward your goals. Say the country is safe (no State department advisories), </p>
<p>If they object (and they will), again, state the above positively. Avoid bringing up the past (staying in state for college, focus on the current issue). Listen to their objections. Then address them. You have your passport. You have the funding. The country is safe. You will have protection (bring this up only if they ask). This will help you meet your educational goals. The idea is to deal with them on an adult level, not in a parent-child dynamic. </p>
<p>It sounds like your parents are like many people I’ve met. They can’t conceive of anyone wanting to leave home or family. Leaving is almost a rejection of home and family. Many have not left their home state (I was stunned when a friend told me he was the first and only person in his extended family to move out of New Jersey. I asked if no one had moved to Pa, NY or Delaware. Nope.)</p>
<p>These people use the same arguments your parents did. Safety, cost, purpose. Many think other places are more dangerous than they really are (and that the US is safer than other places).</p>
<p>Go talk to your STudy Abroad office people. Ask them to get someone to call your parents and talk through their concerns. THey are experienced and know how to do this, and you are probably not the first student with whom they will have encountered this.</p>
<p>Singapore is one of the safest and cleanest large cities on earth. My brother is an expat and raised his family there. There is little to worry about other than the natural feeling we have as parents with a child being so far away.</p>
<p>OP stated that she is paying both for college and the trip, hence my statement that she is financially independent. </p>
<p>I believe being direct in college is as good time as any. The parents are being unreasonable, plain and simple. Yes, I get that they are concerned, but it does not give them the right to just unilaterally say ‘no’. And sooner or later the OP will have to start going against their wishes, and I don’t think she should wait until she is 23 (after college) to do that. I am not suggesting she be rude, just firm. They need to start accepting her decisions are her own, and they really don’t have a say in them - they can offer advice in a polite manner, but the decision is hers.</p>
<p>More people seemed to be against a study program in Brazil, on another thread. Really, the first thing I do is check travel.state.gov (which OP says he/she did.) I look at how many kids are currently in the country- that’s not definitive, but if many programs are sending them, it’s some indication of confidence and success. And what another poster said about how the group itself is connected to some back up org- whether embassy or another program to help in a crisis. If there are legit concerns, you may not want some over-confident rogue trip.</p>
<p>I know plenty of young people who have travelled to SE Asia (didn’t catch which country OP plans.) Several who did semesters in VN, others who visited Thailand and Cambodia, one who is now in Malaysia with Fulbright, one who spent a semester in Mumbai. Our hs sends kids to Costa Rica every other year. The college refused to endorse a young friend’s plans for Haiti-- but, despite all the official warnings, another young gal I know IS now in the hills there and fine. OTOH, a friend in her 30’s got jumped and assaulted in Paris. </p>
<p>We don’t know enough about OP’s opportunity. Where they plan to go, city vs rural, whether the area is receptive to vistors or not, and the dynamics of the group. What does bother me is the defiance, the attitude of “just tell them.” So far, this boils down to “I want to go.” As a parent, I’d want more info about the opportunity. Does OP want to share more, here? Why this opportunity? What is it?</p>
My daughter went to China, and my impulse as a mother was to say, “Over my dead body!” But I knew it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her, so of course I didn’t let her see my fear. But believe me, it was there. I think there’s always that conflict for us when we see our kids going into situations where we can’t protect them. So be patient with them; it comes from a place of love.</p>