<p>Op-
Your parents’ issue is control over you.
You have to assert yourself and tell them you are taking this opportunity to go to India with your school.
No histrionics just tell them you’ve decided to go.</p>
<p>My daughter traveled to India, alone, at age 20, to take an internship with an international relief agency in New Delhi. The agency located housing for her, but she did not get the apartment or even know where it would be until after she arrived. In the meantime I helped her by going online to find a modestly priced hotel where she could book a reservation. (We relied on reviews posted on travel websites to get an overall sense of the hotel quality). The apartment was located in a part of the city that is quite safe, but was also quite far from where she worked, so she had a somewhat long daily commute. She also did some traveling around on her own, visiting Agra (where the Taj Majal is) and also Dharamsala (where she stayed with a college friend). </p>
<p>Both internet and cell phone connections were consistently good – the only problem was that it took a couple of weeks before my daughter was able to get internet installed in her apartment. </p>
<p>I think that health issues are a bigger concern than safety – my daughter had to get all sorts of vaccinations before she went and also take an anti-malarial drug – plus be prepared for stomach ailments. That perhaps would not have been as much of an issue for a shorter stay. But that is something to check into, because it is an expense that you might not anticipate. (I paid for my daughter’s vaccinations, but as your parents aren’t so supportive, you wouldn’t be able to ask their help on that).</p>
<p>I actually understand your parents’ safety concerns somewhat, but the point is that parents need to learn to let go and allow their offspring to explore and stretch boundaries.</p>
<p>As to the permission issue: my daughter once told me that her philosophy was that it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. I agree with Pizzagirl that if you frame it as a situation where you are asking for permission, then you are also setting yourself up for more grief if you defy their wishes. If you tell them that you have already decided – then they will be the ones doing the begging. That may be hard for you, but you can then tell them that you cannot cancel your trip but offer ways to help calm their fears. </p>
<p>It’s hard to change the dynamics of an already-established relationship, but that is part of the process of growing up. Only you can decide if now is the time that you feel ready to take the first steps toward making that change.</p>
<p>OP – I understand your concern. My parents were immigrants and very protective–they didn’t encourage their kids to step outside their zone of comfort. In the long run, you will be better off if you follow your instincts and go on this trip. If you don’t need your folks to fund this trip, then you should just go. I assume you live at home–what is the worst that happens if you go without their blessing? I bet they aren’t going to put you out on the street. They will be miffed but they will get over it. Don’t keep seeking their approval when that is unlikely to happen. Go for it!</p>
<p>pizzagirl and calmom, I feel like you both missed this from the OP</p>
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<p>So your advice is tell the OP to give their parents the figurative middle finger, do what they want and then when their parents cut them off financially, as many parents would surely do, then what? That’s the part of the “declare your independence” argument I seem to be missing. </p>
<p>The fact is that the OP is not an independent person yet. I truly do not understand championing a college student to **** off the people who are financing them to any degree. India will always be there to visit. Disrespecting ones parents, it seems to me, is a very big deal in the OPs culture and, surely, there would be serious consequences.</p>
<p>“Singapore is one of the safest and cleanest large cities on earth. My brother is an expat and raised his family there. There is little to worry about other than the natural feeling we have as parents with a child being so far away.”</p>
<p>I know - we have friends that lived there. But I was still against it in the beginning. Beyond safety issues, there were plenty of other concerns on credit transfer, proper paperwork from a procrastinator, pre-arranging summer work, and getting better about his “communication blackouts”. He had to wear us down by gathering good facts and fulfilling our parental pre-reqs.</p>
<p>PG, OP said he/she was chosen by a prof and the trip is cultural. I didn’t catch that anything said “strongly recommended?” We really know very few details.</p>
<p>pugmadkate, though the OP said that she (he?) is financially dependent on her parents, she also wrote:</p>
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<p>I agree with your second sentence. OP, this is your call to make. It sounds like you do have the financial resources to manage without your parents’ support, though it will not be easy. You are also the one who will best know if their displeasure would be temporary or long-lasting. I went through a similar experience with my parents when I was an undergrad, which resulted in them cutting financial support for the final two years of college. I increased my working hours and took out some additional loans. This was 30 years ago, and the total amount of debt was not significant at that time. Your situation may be different. Also, the breach with my parents healed itself by the time graduation rolled around. Again, your situation may be different. </p>
<p>It also sounds like the OP’s parents will continue to oppose her making these kinds of travel plans even post college. If the OP were the oldest child in her family, they might be expected to soften in years to come. But the OP is the youngest child. The parents have opposed their other children going far away. In this case, India may always be there…but without the OP ever being able to visit if her parents’ approval is key.</p>
<p>That said, the OP knows her parents best, and will have to weigh the pros and cons of going on the trip.</p>
<p>I have a very strange tourist-in-India story. My sister went there for a conference. Since she was one of the organizers, she also went there a month or two earlier to set things up. No problems. When she came back, she brought her eldest D thinking it would be a good learning experience. It was June, very hot, and not a typical time for foreign tourists to visit India, but they had lots of domestic tourists.</p>
<p>Her D was a teenager, is Swedish, pretty and blonde. She was mobbed, and it was worst at the Taj Mahal. One man threw his baby at her, so she would have to catch it - all so that he could get a photograph of her holding his baby. Many people wanted to touch her or touch her hair and she was very nervous about all of that! They would go about and have to cover her hair, even while she rode in a car. When she got home, she dyed her hair dark brown! </p>
<p>It’s definitely not a typical experience for tourists in India, thank goodness. OP since your group is experienced and well guarded I think you’ll all be quite fine. Good luck with your parents.</p>
<p>pudmadkate, </p>
<p>I don’t believe my parents will cut me off from going on this trip. I think the way I’m approaching this makes the chances of that happening slim. I’m trying to be as aware, respectful, and sensitive to their qualms as possible. </p>
<p>Thank you, guys, for sharing your experiences and travel stories. I’m really excited for this trip. I’ve been watching YouTube videos and reading all the travel logs I can get my hands on. The chance to be in another country and taste a different culture’s food, live their life, spend a days with the animals is simply amazing. This truly is want I want to do: travel. </p>
<p>I’m speaking with them tonight. Hopefully, a couple nights rest has softened them…</p>
<p>lookingforward, </p>
<p>You’re correct. This trip is not “strongly recommended”. It is purely a cultural experience. It’s not necessary right now. My college does require it’s students to travel abroad so I would have to leave at some point. I believe the time is now.</p>
<p>Best wishes. Glad you are trying to make this work in the best way you can.</p>
<p>OP–sounds like you are not giving up on this. Good for you.</p>
<p>Think for yourself. — Dont be a follower. — Dont do it or not do it because he (or she) wants you too.</p>
<p>These are things that many, many parents tell their children are important lessons. Some parents should put an asterisk after them with the caveat except when we the parents are involved.</p>
<p>It is interesting to note that the point some posters mention as important is are you independent. Luckily, it does not seem that is a threat you feel your parents are or would make. Not every child is so lucky.</p>
<p>Financial (and for that matter emotional) blackmail happens between parents and of-age children. Often it comes in a package of the parents’ “concerns” for that of-age child. As a parent of a son, while he was in college I did not feel that I was obligated to contribute to everything he cared to do. But, if he did not ask for financial assistance, I felt that what he chose to do was up to him. </p>
<p>This worked well for us. Wish you well.</p>
<p>Hardcore, do remind your parents that it will be possible for you to stay in touch on a daily basis by cell phone. It may require a change in cell phone plans to make it all work – but it is possible. I found that international voice calls were pricey while my daughter traveled abroad - and in group tour with arranged activities you simply will find it hard to find the time for a long phone call home – but text messages were relatively inexpensive. So figure out the technology that your parents are comfortable with, and promise now that you will make arrangements to stay in touch regularly while you are traveling. You can work out the details later – it’s just that if they are really and truly worried about your safety, then knowing that they will be able to reach you and hear from you may go a long way to calming their fears.</p>
<p>UPDATE - </p>
<p>A great deal has happened within the past week, and I am glad to say that I am going to India! What amkes this even better is my decision to follow through with this trip ws not dependent on my parents’s approval; I decided. </p>
<p>I sent them links and such and they did look them over. They ultimately felt that they still did not want me to go. I expressed to them that I would want their emotional support than anything through this process.</p>
<p>They haven’t threatened to cut me off or anything. I don’t think they considered cutting me off. I think they sat on the idea of me actually making my own decisions for a couple of days. After not hearing from them for a couple of days, they seems excited for me. </p>
<p>I genuinely want to thank you guys for the advice on how to approach this. If I hadn’t of had it, I feel I would’ve pulled out. </p>
<p>I just have some quick questions on travel and such…sinceI haven’t traveled before in my entire life. </p>
<p>How do cell phones work abroad? Do they work abroad? How are some ways that you or your children have communicated while at the same time keeping the costs low and not like that one running commercial where the parents’ son is racking up an expensive phone bill?</p>
<p>Congratulations. </p>
<p>Phones it will depend on your plan and I’m sure others can provide more useful input. But when my son went to Italy we were able to add international texting for not much extra. We could have added calling too but opted not to. It was just a couple of weeks. </p>
<p>In some cases it may make more sense to get a pay as you go phone in the country you are traveling to. My coworker did that going to the Middle East. Once he got there he emailed people his number.</p>
<p>1 SKYPE. See if it’s available from/to India and in all the cities you’ll visit. Your parents may love having a look at you. Free for video calls, ime.</p>
<ol>
<li> Call your cell co and explain the need. If your phone is compatible with the service in India, the next hurdle is call pricing. ATT used to have a very cheap 30 day plan for voice calls back to the US.<br></li>
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<p>But- otherwise, it can be more expensive for you to use your US phone to call the US from international. (And to use your US phone for local calls there.) I’ll skip the why. You can look up call prices on your cell co’s web site. What many travelers do is ^ buy or rent a pre-pay phone in the foreign country. Lets you contact your group, place a cheap local call. And often the rates to call home still beat the US plans.</p>
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<li> Ask your prof if they plan to just rent phones for the group, so everyone is on the same service. That’s what they did for D2’s trip to China.<br></li>
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<p>Congrats on getting through this.</p>
<p>Yayy!! So happy to hear your news :)</p>
<p>OP… congrats on your accomplishments!</p>
<p>You will likely have many questions come up (as might your parents) as you prepare for your adventure. You might want to take a look and/or post over in the Study Abroad forum, where you’ll likely get more replies than you might here.</p>
<p>[Study</a> Abroad - College Confidential](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/study-abroad/]Study”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/study-abroad/)</p>
<p>Glad to hear it.</p>
<p>While you’re on your trip, please try to let them know you are alive as often as possible. That will help them feel better, trust me. And it will make things easier for you as it relates to your future travels if they get one of these under their belt where you stayed in touch and all went well.</p>
<p>^ reminds me: D1 also posts on FB. It’s not the personal contact, but a great back up way to share. Properly edited, of course. And we can easily email back and forth. </p>
<p>What a world.</p>
<p>My 3 have spent quite a lot of time abroad. Gchat, if you have gmail already, is what we find easiest. There is a video chat feature, or just voice chat. No appointments needed, as you can see whether your contacts are on line or not while checking email.</p>
<p>And Congrats for this being a go!!! Have fun planning.</p>