<p>It takes a lot to get me mad, but twice in the past few days a <em>friend</em> who I walk with has said very pointedly that she wants a new topic when I mention colleges. She has a HS senior too who is in the college mode. What bothers me most is that she herself is a non-stop talker who has been yakking about her co-workers, her kid’s ski race medals, the athletic prowess of kids I’ve never even met, her yardwork, etc. etc. for the past 8 years and I’ve never once asked for a more interesting topic!!</p>
<p>I realize I’m obsessed, which is why I spend so much time on CC, but this really yanks my chain!! I don’t know how to handle this. I am very offended.</p>
<p>Bethie, I wish you lived near me - I’d walk with you and we could talk about college non-stop the whole time But I can understand why someone who’s not as obsessed, even if they have a HS senior in the house, would want to change the subject. Maybe she’s a little jealous – of your knowledge of the whole process or of your own child’s admission successes. Or maybe she feels inadequate because she wasn’t able to guide her child as well as she feels she should have. Or maybe she’s just sick to death of the whole topic because of the stress it’s causing in her own household. Unless there’s more to the story, I don’t think you should be offended. </p>
<p>I’ve run into similar reactions from friends who aren’t as into the whole college admissions process as I am. That’s why I hang out on CC!</p>
<p>Just to play the devil’s advocate: could your friend also be very stressed and tries to avoid the subject? Sometimes, misery or angst loves company, and sometimes people try to shut down when the angst-provoking topic comes up.</p>
<p>Can you and she come up with a list of subjects that are safe even if a bit boring?</p>
<p>sounds to me, beth, that’s it’s time to invest in an ipod. :D</p>
<p>I agree with patsmom, and those were the exact reasons I thought she might have had the reaction she did. To tell you, though, that she didn’t want to talk about the subject, after her nonstop talking about her interests, is terribly rude.</p>
<p>Absolutely, I’m here because I can channel my obsession and nervousness without inflicting it on unwilling flesh-and-bone friends. There is a virtual moratorium on discussing college admissions in the real world, except for occasional updates to the grandparents. Too many raw nerves that can get touched accidentally.</p>
<p>Really, bethie, I wouldn’t burn any bridges over this. By normal standards, asking to hear less about college admissions – especially given that your son’s experience seems to be the sort that could provoke insecurity and involuntary jealousy in others – is pretty reasonable. Vent to us.</p>
<p>I definitely channel all my college stress on CC. Otherwise my real-life friends would hate me, and rightly so. Unfortunately CC does feed the college obsession so it’s rather vicious cycle lol. But soon to be over, PHEW!</p>
<p>I agree with what’s been said here. My wife has gotten so she avoids talking colleges with other moms because, well, sometimes the kids of other moms are getting lots of rejections or are expected to get a lot of rejections. Or it could be worry about money. Or any number of things.</p>
<p>Yeah, thanks everyone. I just needed to vent about it. I know I would TOTALLY drive my husband and son crazy if I didn’t have CC, though as MallomarCookies says, it does add fuel to the obsession! I have one friend locally who can talk about college anxiety for an hour at a time, anytime, so that helps too.</p>
<p>I’m not writing her off. We just took a walk in fact and when I didn’t mention anything about college SHE brought it up. Ha,ha.</p>
<p>Is her kid aiming at a lower tier of colleges? If so, talking about the college process in general may be a constant, painful reminder that your kid and hers are in different academic leagues.</p>
<p>Since I do live near Bethie, maybe it’s time we took a walk together.</p>
<p>I know I am trying really hard not to discuss colleges with my daughter’s friends, who spend a lot of time at our house. Two have gotten in ED, and two are waiting. It’s hard to do sometimes … the conversation just ends up there. Last time that happened I actually remembered your term for it, Bethie, “cone of silence,” and tried to change the subject.</p>
<p>If this person wants to deflect the conversation because she is nervous about her own kid, I would give her some slack. However, if she is just one of those types of people who are self-centered and only want to talk about themselves, then she’s being rude and inconsiderate. Either accept her rudeness, or stop walking with her. If her friendship is valuable to you, I’d wait for the college ap season to end (after May 1), and then tell her your feelings.</p>
<p>1) Like you, I hate it when someone says they are not interested in what I have to discuss when I am perfectly willing to listen to any topics they want to discuss. So, I hear you on that issue and I do find it rude.</p>
<p>2) However, given the fact that THIS particular person ALSO has a kid in the college admissions frenzy, I think there are SOME people who get very stressed out to have to talk about college stuff. While that is not me (obviously!), I know for some, they feel talking about it adds to the stress or else they are sick of the topic and want a breather from it. Also, it COULD be in this instance, that if your son is a better student or applying to a higher level of colleges or meeting with more admissions success, she is just too jealous to discuss it. </p>
<p>Since it very well may be scenario number two above, I have to say that I don’t recall talking about colleges too much with local folks (nor were their kids going through too similar of a process than my own kids) but I found CC and talked about it and shared and read other posts and so got my fix of the topic right here when my kids were applicants. As you know, there are plenty of parents here quite interested in the topic! So, get your fill here. </p>
<p>That said, I’d be happy to go on a walk with you and talk college stuff. I don’t have a kid in the process now myself (though I have other kids I care about whom I counsel). Just to warn you, if you come over here, mud season seems to have kicked in and all this snow is starting to melt and my road is a quagmire.</p>
<p>IMHO, the reasons <em>why</em> she doesn’t want to discuss this topic are irrelevant. What <em>IS</em> relevant is that your “friend” is SERIOUSLY lacking some fundamental social skills.</p>
<p>This type of thing really pushes my buttons, too, because I am an excellent listener and will talk about anything and everything with others. My older sister was just like your friend. Back when we weren’t estranged, she’d call and talk for two hours about her life, but if I’d say even one tiny thing about mine, she say, “Ummmm, I’m sorry. I called you to talk about THIS or THAT, and I don’t have time to discuss THE OTHER.” </p>
<p>Psychology of her behavior aside, your friend is selfish and rude. If she were my friend, she’d drop a rung or two (or 82) on the friendship ladder. There was NO excuse for what she did, and more particularly, for the WAY she did it. There were ways to gently ease the discussion in a new direction if she didn’t like it. Shame on her. And…{{{{{hugs}}}}} to you…</p>
<p>I am so pleased when my friends ask “Any new college news?”. If they don’t ask, though, I don’t say anything, because I know I am obsessed.</p>
<p>That’s what this site is for. It’s so gratifying to log on and see a thread (like the one grousing about early writes for selected students) that’s JUST what I’m presently thinking!</p>
It’s the same with me and my friends and we are HS seniors.</p>
But I can understand why someone who’s not as obsessed, even if they have a HS senior in the house, would want to change the subject. Maybe she’s a little jealous – of your knowledge of the whole process or of your own child’s admission successes. Or maybe she feels inadequate because she wasn’t able to guide her child as well as she feels she should have. Or maybe she’s just sick to death of the whole topic because of the stress it’s causing in her own household. Unless there’s more to the story, I don’t think you should be offended. </p>