As many of you know I got laid off 5 weeks ago from I job I have had for almost 3 decades, I turn 56 next month. I’m struggling and falling into a depression for several reasons. I don’t have to work. DH brings home enough, but a lot of the play money we have is gone. Yes, we can still do many things, but I brought home healthy amount of play money. We do all the right things. We have good 401k’s, kids college is funded, etc. it’s just that life had a good safety net with my income and I only worked 30 hours with full benefits and 6 weeks off.
The problem is the thought of starting over again trying to find a FT position makes me want to cry and makes me depressed. I don’t want to prove myself anymore with a measly vacation. I know my DH wants me to do this, but he doesn’t actually say it. I know he wants me to at least work PT, even if no benefits. Im going to get should of a recruiter to help me with this, but the problem is…it’s I can’t seem to push myself to make that call.
Add to all of this, I am so bored at home. I’m pkanning to call the kids old school and ask to volunteer. I’ve even thought of working just PT as a sales clerk to get out of the house. Why can’t I move, why am I lethargic? It all sounds so pathetic, I know. The isolation is terrible.
I tried asking 2 friends who stay home, what they do, I’m having a hard time. They got really defensive, and I wasn’t asking with any intention than a plea for help…but they didn’t like it anyway. Oh well.
Has anyone been in this situation, where you feel paralyzed and depressed? I’m on my IPAD too much, that’s for sure.
So sorry, conmama. Unplanned forced retirement is no fun. Hopefully they gave you a decent package after all that time so you arent immediately hit with cash flow changes.
What field are you in? Can you volunteer in that field? Can you consult? What do you like to do in your free time?
To collect unemployment don’t you need to make the effort to look for a job? I am not saying this to be mean, but that could give you the motivation to start looking (or to apply for unemployment if you haven’t already done so and get DH off your back for a bit with some income).
Weren’t there things you wanted to do but couldn’t because you were too busy while working? You could do everyone of them taking time. For me, doing them took me more a year when I stopped working. It felt great not to cut corners. Therapeutic.
I think the dislocation and depression you are feeling is real. H has had a few job free periods, some by choice, some not, and at the start of each one he doesn’t know what to do with himself and takes a while to find his new direction. He is a go go go kind of guy, so not having million things to do when he wakes up is disorienting for him.
What he has done: catch up on medical appointments, tasks at home, pursued those never-have-time-for hobbies or dreams. One time he followed me around for a few weeks. The kids were little and I was at home and he was at loose ends. He took a sailing course another time. When a check up revealed he had high BP, he started exercising every day and cooking his own meals.
I suggest exercising daily outside the house as a first step. Then find a place to volunteer once a week.
I lost my job 9 times. The only thing that I know what to do is to look for another job and take any. Once I took a job that was a 50% cut in my salary and the whole hour of driving away. It all paid off as eventually I found the best job for myself. However, my experience is making me very hesitant to retire. I know what it is to be at home, very boring. Despite several hobbies that I have developed after my younger left for college 8 years ago, and my 2 hour daily exercise routine, the job is still the most entertaining of them all. And to retire from the best job that I ever had makes it even harder.
“The isolation is terrible.” - that is exactly how I felt while being between jobs, even when my kid was still at home, even despite of my H., despite friends. I envy them all, I felt that they are out there having fun and I am left behind at home so isolated from the rest of the “real” world.
What about doing something totally different, like working at Container Store, Barnes & Noble, or a clothing store? It would give you something to do, requires a short learning curve, and could throw a little money your way.
I just retired. Everyone wanted to know what on earth I was going to do with my time. The short answer is – all that stuff i didn’t do while I was working. That includes – managing home projects that need to be done. Today they are paving the driveway! The kitchen remodel, a small bathroom remodel, new carpet etc. Lots of prep work to get to that point. I also have time to train my dogs, go to some doggy seminars, be the support system for the hubby and kids (who should all be able to manage on their own, but I can make things easier). Also, I take time to walk in the woods almost every day with the dogs or with (new) friends. I can make doctor appointments without having to balance my employee schedules and jump through a lot of hoops.
I also have a tiny little retirement job that lets me keep my industry connections. I’m looking to do some volunteer work and I know I will find the right spot eventually.
I think you are doing remarkably well for someone who has lost their job… you seem self-aware, and trying to cope day-to-day. I’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect more. Don’t forget to exercise
I am your age, and if I lost my job next week (always a real possibility) I would not go back to paid work. At this stage, it is incredibly challenging and demoralizing and I’m not sure I wouldn’t rather make the financial adjustments than work in retail, which is sucky and soul-destroying if you are just in it to keep busy. I have looked for jobs in the past 18 months and the appeal of “seasoned” employees is…minimal, in my experience.
There are many organizations that place volunteers – is there something that’s important to you (healthcare, education, environment, poverty, food security) and can you connect to that via volunteering? It would give you purpose that you seem to crave, without setting you back at the bottom of the employment ladder.
What your DH wants is very much less important than what you want. I would talk to him about all this and work out a plan together. If he truly thinks working would be best for the household, and you, then give yourself 8 or 9 months to find something. Or take some class that enhances your skill. (again, I share your feelings about doing all this at our age! Ack! No thank you!)
My MIL and mom have never worked outside the home, but both are virtually full-time employees of 2 or 3 different nonprofits. People who choose to not engage with society on some level – paid or volunteer – …I don’t know what they do all day, either! My “at home” years were exclusively with children, so that was plenty to keep us all occupied.
Sorry to hear about your job loss. Big hugs. I haven’t lost my job, but have finally decided to look for a new job at 57. I love my job, but hate my boss. I should have done this 10 years ago, but never thought it would get this bad. I have worked at the same company since college and prefer to stay here if possible. I started applying internally last May and despite applying to half a dozen jobs for which I felt well qualified, I cannot even get an interview. Someone recently mentioned to me I am too old! yikes. So I just redid my resume and will continue to apply internally til next spring, then I will start looking outside. It is very depressing. I hate writing resumes. cover letters, spending time on this, etc. I hate the fact that I have not even gotten an email or phone call from any of the hiring managers. I have called them, sent them emails, etc, but never hear back. My advice is to set deadlines, get your resume done, send out so many a week, and network. Best of luck to you.
First, realize that your depression is, to some extent, natural. You are grieving the loss of the life you had. If, however, this goes on too long (in your opinion), you may want to talk to your doctor about it.
Second, AARP has some great resources about job hunting after 50 - how to do it, how to decide what you want to do (and you’re in a particularly good place to change what you do, since you don’t need the salary to keep a roof over your head), how to handle and head off age discrimination, how to find employers who are looking for people over 50, etc. http://www.aarp.org/work/job-hunting/info-05-2008/job_tips_for_50plus_workers.html
Good luck! Take it one step at a time, and realize that whatever you do today that is more than you did yesterday is a step forward.
I’m sure you will get lot of good advice here because likely many people here have been in that same situation - so take that as a good thing - you are not the first and won’t be the last to suffer through this transition!!
First of all, I myself would question going back to help at my kids past schools. For me, that might be depressing in itself! Things change once your kids aren’t there and it might bring back feelings of “oh, this isn’t the good thing I thought it was either!” Plus if you are looking to make an income or fill more hours in a week, likely this isn’t going to do it - volunteering at a school would probably only amount to a couple/few hours a week???
I believe you have said you did accounting work. But that your actual responsibilities as of late weren’t full on accounting?? (please correct me if I’m wrong). Tell us three jobs or fields of work you CAN see yourself in. Really, think about it. Do you want it to be accounting? Or do you love fashion and have a deep desire to be a personal shopper at a department store? You really need to think of this layoff as OPPORTUNITY - hard, I know! But it is. A chance to make a change WITHIN your control.
I think I mentioned on another one of your threads the possibility of non-profit work - in accounting or otherwise. Many part time positions, nonprofits often have higher turn over (due to sometimes lower rate of pay) and probably won’t sneeze at your mid-fifties age status.
Finally, for an immediate action here’s what I think you should do. Every night sit down and make a schedule for the next day that includes things like:
wake up at 8am
30 minute walk around the neighborhood
breakfast and prep food for dinner later
one hour internet JOB/CAREER searching
20 minutes CC searching
errands
trim outside bushes
watch Ellen…
You get the picture - wake up and have a PLAN for each day. That is what you are lacking now. The whole day is ahead of you without obligations. Make some obligations to and for yourself!
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To collect unemployment don’t you need to make the effort to look for a job?
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Not really…the whole process in online… There’s nothing to submit to show that you’ve been looking for a job. They just really want to make sure that you’re not already working
@conmama I understand your frustration. You had already proved yourself and were getting 6 weeks vaca. You don’t want to “start at the bottom” with a measly 2 weeks vaca, while being low seniority.
frankly, I think you should start your own business. What are you good at? Can you do any consulting that relates to your old job? What did you used to do?
What are your talents?
I have my own business. I started slowly, and grew it over time and am very happy. Lots of free time, good income, no one tells me what to do (lol), I have an ass’t who can fill in when I’m gone, etc.
The small company I work for pays an accounting type consultant $75/hour for monthly statements and occasional projects. She has a few clients, can block off time to take vacations (around her clients’ busy times) and divides her time between working at home and working in a client’s office.
You could take on both paying and volunteer clients if you’d like, and not be so tied down that you couldn’t take off with your H for a fun trip.
What I hear you saying is that you want some kind of fulfilling work, but don’t want to be tied down 40 hrs/week and start back at one or two weeks of vacation per year. No matter what job offers you consider, be bold and ask for more vacation, even offer a slight pay cut in your salary to get the vacation time you need.
Sending hugs your way. As others have said, it is natural for you to feel depressed. Sounds like you were forced out, and might have felt differently if you had been able to choose to retire on your own? So allow yourself some amount of brooding but also schedule time for exercise, laughter, and some activity that brings you joy.
“Not really…the whole process in online… There’s nothing to submit to show that you’ve been looking for a job. They just really want to make sure that you’re not already working.”
It depends on the state!!! In WA, you have to keep a job search log and have at least 3 qualified job search activities per week to be eligible for unemployment for that week. WorkSource reserves the right to audit these logs at random. I was unemployed twice, and one time, the logs had been audited - twice in 3 months! I was called into the nearest WorkSource office, and the officer went through my records… So long story short, don’t dismiss this requirement if it exists as a condition for unemployment collection!!!
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It depends on the state!!! In WA, you have to keep a job search log and have at least 3 qualified job search activities per week to be eligible for unemployment for that week. WorkSource reserves the right to audit these logs at random. I was unemployed twice, and one time, the logs had been audited - twice in 3 months! I was called into the nearest WorkSource office, and the officer went through my records… So long story short, don’t dismiss this requirement if it exists as a condition for unemployment collection!!!
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Ok
So if she wants to college unemployment (and she needs to get going on that right away because the clock starts ticking at job loss time, not when you finally get around to collecting, she needs to fulfill that req’t.
It takes little to no effort to find 3 qualified job searches each week. Can’t that be done online as well? Certainly worth it to get 2-300 per week.
