In a bad situation... :(

Paying for College
1

<p>I am in a difficult situation that I wanted to see other peoples opinion on before I make my own…</p>

<p>I have been fortunate enough to have a family that can afford to pay for tuition. I am currently a Junior in college, so Freshman year and Sophmore year have already been paid for.</p>

<p>However… my situation is fortunate, and unfortunate at the same time. You see… my step father is the one who supports my tuition. His conditions are I do not get any grade below a B, and I work for him (10 hrs/week, online). His conditions aren’t harsh by any means… but the problem is him. I can’t stand working for him; if it was someone who was… you know, not an *******, that would be different. Every day this Winter Break, he has harassed me, asking me why I am not working (Xmas eve, Xmas day, and the the following days… while the rest of his staff is already on holiday break)</p>

<p>Anyhow, disregarding the finer details, I have been trying to weigh my options, and I am at a loss for what I can do. One option is to continue this agreement I have with my step father… the other option, is take out a loan, and stop it flat out.</p>

<p>When I brought this up with my mother, her only response was, “quiet, don’t be stupid…”, and she may be right, turning my back on this agreement is possibly the best option, but I am miserable under it.</p>

<p>As for the loan, I am not entirely sure how it works. The problem is, there are several companies listed under my name, so if I try for a need-based grant/loan, I am pretty sure that won’t fly so well.</p>

<p>I guess my question is, is taking out a loan to cover the rest of tuition ($60k) a feasible option?</p>

<p>Additionally, is it a stupid idea?</p>

2

<p>Honestly, you should follow your mother’s advice. Even if you have to work while everyone else is on holiday you have a heck of a good deal!</p>

3

<p>Tooya, You still have a great deal! I would think that your stepdad worked really hard for his money. He is spending it on your education, and even though some schools expect him to, he frankly does not have to pay for your education at all. He is sacrificing a lot to send you through school and being very generous to you. It sounds like he expects some recognition and sacrifice on your part as well. He does have reasonable work and grade expectations. He probably feels that on holiday break since you are not in school you should be stepping up in a major way to help him too. This shows him that you are grateful for what he is providing. </p>

<p>My husband held a job for about a year and he had to go into his office on New Years Day to catch up on work. His boss happened to stop in that day. He was shocked to see my husband, his salaried employee, going above and beyond expectations and working on New Year’s Day. No other employees were there. I cannot tell you how beneficial it was for my H that his boss saw my husband’s work ethic. My H kept that job for over 10 years and his boss was very generous when it came to salary and bonuses in return.</p>

4

<p>Regardless of what you do about tuition, you need to find out what the companies are that are listed under your name. Do you sign tax papers for them? Why are they listed under your name and not your parents? It seems to me to be a potentially sticky situation ethically and legally. </p>

<p>Is this a common thing to do?</p>

<p>Is working for him the ten hours per week some how tied to the company ownership issues? Is that why you can’t get a job on campus for 10 hours a week? It seems very weird to me.</p>

5

<p>Its not a matter of “having to work”, or ‘having to work during winter break’ I honestly don’t mind the working at all. What I mind is the way he treats me. I understand the financial sacrifice on his part, I don’t pretend to have any sense of entitlement, I know he doesn’t have to pay for my tuition by any means, but working for HIM is miserable.</p>

<p>I am not going to get into the finer details of things… but for lack of putting it any other way, hes nasty to both me and my mom (she works for him too…), and his behavior is not something anyone wants to deal with. </p>

<p>I was interested in weighing other options (such as a student loan…), but the general response I am seeing is this is a bad idea…</p>

<p>@twomules
The companies under my name is an odd situation. Theres many reasons behind it (that I don’t feel would be appropriate on this forum…), but to answer the questions…</p>

<p>its not a common thing to do.</p>

<p>Its not a matter of getting a job on campus for 10 hrs/week, I actually work 2 jobs (one with him, one with my campus.) His condition is I work for HIM, doing webdesign/ web maintenance.</p>

6

<p>I’ve been in a similar situation with my father, but I wasn’t getting tuition out of it, so my advice may be skewed.</p>

<p>If you can handle him treating you like that, stay. I wish I could say that it’s just practice for the real world, but it’s not nearly as personal there, and it hurts less. I simply say this because that’s a really, really sweet deal getting tuition. You get out of school pretty debt-free, and then you’re free. You owe nothing financially or to him, and you can work for someone kinder. (BUT make sure that’s where the agreement ends. You don’t want to find out after college that he also wants you working for him another year or something.)</p>

<p>If you don’t want to deal with it anymore, or you just can’t… why bother? Leave. You don’t have to take that from him; many people have made it through college by themselves, paying out of pocket. Try for paid internships, a better-paying job, a scholarship. You can be independent. You don’t have to be held down or mistreated just so you can get through college easily on a financial level. Money isn’t everything. Look after yourself first.</p>

7

<p>Does your stepfather work during Christmas break? Bear in mind that break will be over soon, you will be back in school and away from direct contact with your stepfather. Life will be better then. “Act in haste and repent at leisure”. Do not make a stupid hasty decision.</p>

<p>Many students have to work much longer hours to cover their educational expenses. Many students have to work long hours to put food on their families’ table.</p>

<p>What makes you think you can get a loan that large in todays financial environment? What are your prospects or re-paying said loan without your families support? </p>

<p>As the old folks say back in the mountains; “times is hard”. Your stepfather may be stressed because of business conditions. This does not excuse his taking it out on his family but he is human too. </p>

<p>Does your stepfather cover his staffs’ private school tuition? Perhaps they get time off at Christmas instead of this perk (ok now I am just indulging in sarcasm).Would you trade your position and prospects for those of any of your stepfather’s other employees? </p>

<p>I hope you can reach an accord of mutual respect with your stepfather. Realize that your most valuable asset is your relationship with your family and I am not referring to money.</p>

8

<p>I think you are doing the right thing by planning to disentangle yourself financially from him. The financial situation with the companies could backfire on you, plus being beholden to a controlling person isn’t a very happy way to live.</p>

<p>I don’t know enough about loans to help you.</p>

<p>Try talking to your dept head or advisor about what is the best paying summer job you can get. For example, if you are majoring in the sciences, NASA has some high paying summer internships. NIH has others. If you are a humanities major, it may be harder but your profs may be able to point you in the right direction.</p>

<p>Check out the word of mouth for the highest paying campus jobs. If you were doing that for 12-15 hours per week, how much would you be able to bring in? Is it cheaper to live off campus next year?</p>

<p>You may not be able to be free of him this semester, but with careful planning next year should be possible.</p>

<p>Get some legal advice about getting the companies off your name.</p>

<p>Stay strong. Wishing you the best.</p>

9

<p>Tooya. Can you give your stepfather a schedule ahead of time for the hours you will work for the upcoming week? Is this possible with the type of job you do for him? Do you have to interface with him often while you are preforming the job for him?</p>

<p>Is there anything you can do to lessen your contact with him as you continue to work for him? </p>

<p>In situations where someone uses their perceived power over me I find I can handle the situation much better when I realise exactly what choices I am actively making. In other words how much control/power I actually have. </p>

<p>What choices can you make?
Can you limit his ability to contact you or do anything to lessen his perceived need to contact you?</p>

10

<p>I know it is hard to take the emotions out of this, but…if you do, look at your situation this way. You have approximately 17 months till graduation, about 75 weeks. If you need $60,000, that is $800 per week. Working 10 hours per week=$80 per hour. I say bite your tongue and graduate debt free. As other posters have said, it is a lesson for the real world, I promise you that you will at sometime in life have a boss that will make your step-father seem like a warm fuzzy teddy bear.</p>

11

<p>I agree with GA2012MOM unless you are really being abused in some way that you have not described. Putting up with a miserable personality at work, even if it is your step dad, is a lesson for the real world.</p>

12

<p>The only federal loans you are eligible for are Stafford loans which will total nowhere near $60k. The Stafford maximums are $7500 a year for 3rd year and on students so you would only be able to borrow $15,000 (or possibly only $11,250 as you are already halfway through your junior year - not sure about that). Other federal loans like the Plus are parent loans which your Mom or Stepdad would have to take out. So then you are looking at private loans and it may not even be possible for you to get a $60k, or even $45k if you get the Stafford, private loan on your own without some sort of cosigner. As your step dad sounds like he is the one that holds the purse strings he is probably the one that you would have to ask to cosign - which rather defeats the purpose of the whole thing. </p>

<p>From a purely practical point of view, if you can get the loans, 60k in loans @ 8% will mean repayments of @ $725 a month every month for 10 years. Really that makes your deal with your Stepdad look like a pretty good deal from a purely financial point of view. If you can manage to stick it out just keep reminding yourself that you are really getting the better end of the deal with your Stepdad!</p>

<p>I would agree with the previous posters that, unless you are actually being abused or having to do something immoral or illegal, you may be better off just trying to deal with your Stepfather for the remaining 18 months until you finish your education. If you absolutely feel you cannot, then try and find out what your options are before you burn any bridges with him. Finding out the practicalities of what you may have to do may help you keep the emotions out of it a little. If it is not possible for you to get $60k in loans in your own name you may have to finish your schooling at a less expensive school. Only you can really tell if the situation is bad enough for you to make that choice.</p>

<p>The whole businesses in your name sounds odd and possibly illegal. Got no advice for you there.</p>

<p>Try and pull your emotions out of it as much as possible and look at this from a practical point of view. Good luck with making the decision and with whatever decision you make.</p>

13

<p>I think you should go with your mother’s fabulously concise advice.</p>

14

<br>

<br>

<p>This caught my eye as well. Are you the part owner of these businesses, or is this a way of “hiding” these assets for tax purposes? What financial advantage is there to being a part owner of these businesses in the long term?</p>

<p>Agreed with others…you DO have a good financial deal with your stepdad. There have been MANY other posts here from students whose stepparents have the money but will not contribute in ANY WAY to the college costs of their stepkids. For many, this means the difference in the colleges they are able to attend because of the finances. It’s 1 1/2 more years and you aren’t home all that much (are you?). Unless there is something more abusive going on here, I’d try to limit my “face time”, do my job well, and just deal with it. You have a financial deal that many wish for.</p>

<p>Now having said all of that…if you really can’t bear to continue, you do need to know the financial implications. If, for example, you decide to transfer as a senior, you may find that it will take you more than one year to finish your degree…thus adding to your overall costs over the time.</p>

15

<p>The world is full of jerks. I know it hurts a lot when they are relatives who are supposed to love you. However, you have already done the majority of this - you only have 18 months to go. When you compare 18 months to how many years it would take you to pay off $60K and what that would do to your finances and freedom, you would just be trading one kind of slavery (with an end date) for another, much longer kind. And if your stepfather had to cosign, you’d have him hanging over your head the whole time.</p>

<p>BTW, I have never been so impressed with my dh as when he worked for a total jerk for many months while he found another job. It would have been so easy for him to tell him off and walk out, but my dh loved us too much to lose his income that way. You can do it, too.</p>

<p>If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend <em>My Grandfather’s Son</em> by Clarence Thomas – he talks at great lengths about the incredible harshness of his grandfather who raised him and how it impacted him as an adult - surprisingly, for good. It was very encouraging.</p>

16

<p>10 hours a week for 52 weeks is 520 hours. If he is contributing $52K a year, you are getting $100 an hour. Where else can you make this kind of money? Look for options. You are not ging to be able to borrow anything near this amount on your own. The only thing I can think about you ending this quickly is for you to take extra classes this coming semester, courses over the summer and finish a semester early, ending the the arrangement and getting your degree a full 5-6 months earlier. </p>

<p>Bear in mind that you will not be likely to get this sort of pay arrangement when you get out of college.</p>

17

<p>Thank you everyone for your replies (especially swimcatsmom)</p>

<p>As for the business thing, I do have an active role in the companies, its kind of complicated (I don’t fully understand it to be honest), but I do know its for tax evasion (since we pay all our taxes.)</p>

<p>Once again, thank you everyone for your replies. My conclusion is not do anything rash and just stick with the situation.</p>

18

<p>Unfortunately he won’t be the only a** you’ll run into, so I would just be quiet like your mom said, I mean that’s an awesome deal! you’re not going to have any loans!</p>

19

<p>If you are considering taking out 60,000 in loans, then the situation must feel very bad to you. I suggest sticking it out until break is over and you get back to your dorm/apt. Then I would make an appointment with a counselor at the school health center (probably free and guaranteed private) to discuss how you can best deal with your situation. Four or five hours spent with a therapist may help you to clarify your thoughts in a way this forum cannot address. For all we know, you are a victim of verbal abuse or other intolerable actions so the advice to shut up and take the money could be wrong for you. Talk to someone and get an objective opinion. If you can avoid the debt without going crazy or subjecting yourself (or your mom) to abuse then I would have to tell you to try to do so. Also, better see the (usually free) legal aid people on campus about your tax liabilities and company ownership… you could be unknowingly taking on legal obligations that could stay with you for years and years. Good luck!</p>

20

<p>I don’t have time to real all the post, but here is my take on the matter based o the OP.</p>

<p>Listen, not everything in life is the way we may want it, but we all live with that. Your relationship with your step dad may not be the best, but you have to live with that. And if you go through with working with him for 2 more years, it will save you loads of $$$. Family is the greatest gift in the world, whether u like it or not.</p>

<p>I say stick with it, maybe your relationship will improve! take my friend for example. Sophomore year of high school I was his debate partner, and lets just say our team chemistry was terrible, we hated each other (well i think I am the one that hated) and this bad relationship extended into school. The FIRST day of school the next year, I apologized for being such an A-hole, now we are great friends.</p>

<p>I wish you luck in whatever choice u make!</p>