<p>Chedva is exactly right! Parents can’t practice their religion and celebrate its holy days without the kids getting exposed to it.</p>
<p>When a child grows up in any household, they are exposed to the culture, the beliefs, the family system dynamics of that household . They are taught both inside and outside the home. They acquire information, knowledge, etc from many sources (family members, school, media, peers, neighbors, clergy, etc) BUT… ** BUT ** they develop their <em>own</em> opinions and belief systems. They are not merely little sponges or automatons. Developmental theory as described by Erik Erikson explains that as early as stage 2 (toddlerhood) children begin to develop independent thinking and make independent choices. They begin to question and challenge the information and the world around them. Just because we expose our kids to our way of thinking does NOT mean they will swallow and internalize it as their own, hook, line and sinker. </p>
<p>Of COURSE we as parents will expose our children to our social, religious, personal, political etc beliefs. But that doe not mean they will take it as their own. If we teach our kids to think, they will develop their own belief systems, and make their own personal, social, political and religious choices. We may hope they accept and internalize some of our belief systems approach to money management, ethics, etc, but all we can do is give them the tools and the opportunity. They take it from there.</p>
<p>*. They are taught both inside and outside the home. They acquire information, knowledge, etc from many sources (family members, school, media, peers, neighbors, clergy, etc) BUT… BUT they develop their <em>own</em> opinions and belief systems. They are not merely little sponges or automatons. *</p>
<p>Exactly!!!</p>
<p>POIH thinks that if he taught/exposed his child to “subjective things” then the child would become “POIH Jr”…but that’s so not true. POIH only has one child, so maybe that’s why he thinks that way. Those of us with more than one child know that you can tell/expose/show 2+ children the same thing, and each will turn out in their own special and unique way…no matter what. LOL None will be “parent jr” .</p>
<p>Yup. My 2 s’s are very different, despite growing up in the same house, with the same parents, attending the same lower/middle/high schools, synagogue etc. One thing they have in common is that they are both slobs, and they sure as heck didn’t learn that from me!!</p>
<p>Right, jym262 and mom2collegekids. I was simply responding to POIH’s insistence that children should not be taught because they cannot process. I also disagree with POIH on that point - children can process much more than POIH gives them credit for. Ever try arguing with a 3 year old??</p>
<p>Oh, and mom2collegekids, I also have an only, and I don’t think that way!</p>
<p>Understood completely, Chedva. I was emphasizing your point. I don’t know whether it is presumptous or wishful thinking on the part of parents like POIH who feel that if a parent teaches a child something they will end up with a little “mini-me”.</p>
<p>And, hearing Chedva’s recitation of the prayer, it reminds me too that we can have similar, but not identical experiences. The prayer, as I know it, has slight variations in the English translation. It in essence means the same thing, but is filtered through a different translation. Like this, our kids will learn/develop their own philosophies, beliefs, mor</p>
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I didn’t suggest that they only come from religious views, but you suggested ONLY teaching things which are objective such as math. </p>
<p>Values are a human construct, not independently found in nature or objects or even by reasoning. Good or bad manners and behaviors are a human construct and what constitutes them is certainly not universally agreed upon. What appears to be acceptable in one culture/place/religion/time may be considered abhorrent in another.</p>
<p>Chedva:
mom2collegekids:
</p>
<p>I don’t agree to that. There are lots of couple who live together but practice different belief system/Religion. </p>
<p>Exposing is not same as teaching or telling kids to follow in black or white. Parent can practice their belief/Religion without enforcing children to be a part of it.
Taking children to church is not same as forcing children to follow the norms of a particular church.</p>
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<p>Processing doesn’t mean that children can tell right from wrong or whether or not the idea make any sense. </p>
<p>The belief system/Religion work on “take it or leave it” policy, you can’t change it. Adult’s have option to leave it but children don’t.</p>
<p>The problem with a belief system/Religion is that these are not open to change. With public opinion our constitution can change but with public opinion the belief/Religion doesn’t change.</p>
<p>Say what??? Belief systems and religious beliefs are just that - BELIEFS, believed by the person internalizing and interpreting the messages presented to them. There may be some rules associated with certain religious practices/rituals, but beliefs are subject to individual interpretation.</p>
<p>That said, how about, if you want to talk about religious doctrine, you start a separate thread, and let the OP continue to talk about her son’s academic choice, vocational calling and meddling grandparents?</p>
<p>And as an aside, in your post above, I think you did in fact agree with Chedva’s assertion that when parents practice different religions they expose their kids to it, especially when parents practice different religions.</p>
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This isn’t true at all. For example, one day about 7 years ago S came home and said that Sister So-and-so said that babies who die without being baptized never get to go to heaven or be with god. I said “WE don’t believe that, S”. A couple of years ago, the Church itself came out and said that “we can only have Hope (that unbaptized babies are with god)”. </p>
<p>BTW, as the op, I don’t at all mind the divergence into religious questions, as there is food for thought in all of them for the parent(s) of an aspiring priest :).</p>
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<p>Yep, I think the side threads here are dead… or should be in new threads.
OP wants to know how to deal with inlaws and after that with some college issues…</p>
<p>Oh, and mom2collegekids, I also have an only, and I don’t think that way!</p>
<p>Oh I wasn’t suggesting that most parents of “onlys” think that way…I was only offering a possible reason why POIH thought that way. Frankly, I don’t think many parents (of onlys or or multiple kids) think the way POIH does. </p>
<p>POIH’s issue seems to be that kids can’t escape being exposed to religion like adults can. But, that can be said of a lot of things that kids can’t “escape” from. Different families have different (arbitrary) house rules that kids can’t “escape” from and must follow. Many of these rules can be very subjective, yet kids have to follow them.</p>
<p>(Heck, isn’t POIH’s D the one who as an adult was being forced (or expected) to regularly call her mom or call her at certain appointed times or some other strict thing like that???)</p>
<p>*I think the good values, behaviors are also universal with some variations but are not rigid. I’m not saying to leave children without inculcating any good values.
*</p>
<p>My BIL (the one I mentioned earlier) also doesn’t believe in teaching any manners. he thinks they’re “fake” or “forced” and a “waste of time”. (thankfully, his wife doesn’t agree with this nonsense).</p>
<p>*kids will learn/develop their own philosophies, beliefs, mor</p>
<p>“This isn’t true at all. For example, one day about 7 years ago S came home and said that Sister So-and-so said that babies who die without being baptized never get to go to heaven or be with god. I said “WE don’t believe that, S”. A couple of years ago, the Church itself came out and said that “we can only have Hope (that unbaptized babies are with god)”.”</p>
<p>Sylvan, where did Sister get the time machine? </p>
<p>The Church has not been saying that in more than 40 years!</p>
<p>My parents had 3 miscarriages before Mom had the surgery that made me & my sibs possible. These babies all died at around 4 months gest. and then the miscarriage started, so there was no chance of baptizing before death. My Mom was very distraught over her poor babies consigned to Limbo—but a Jesuit priest for whom she had worked before her marriage set her straight. </p>
<p>I forget exactly what she told me his theological rational was, but he made it clear – in 1951 — that the Church did not teach they were in such a state forever. It ran along the lines of the God Is Love sort of thing and Suffer the Little Children to Come Unto Me. </p>
<p>If your son is going to be a priest he is going to bump into all kinds of loony talk from his fellow Catholics, most of whom are repeating folklore they got from nuns back in 4th grade. You and your friends and relatives could make a compliation of the things he will be having to counteract!</p>
<p>You oughta get him a copy of Hugh of St Victor’s “On the Sacraments of the Christian Faith.” Hugh lived in the 12th C and much of his thought foreshadows Vat II.</p>
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Great line!! LOL!</p>