In-laws bought a home and decided not to move there, so they sold it and closed 3 months later. During the period of ownership, BIL and I spent time there cleaning, mowing, landscaping, and general stuff. H and SIL spent lesser time there. Today, FIL/MIL gave us both $XX for our efforts. H freaks out and determines that we can only accept $XX/5, rather arbitrarily. BIL/SIL can accept whatever they choose. Personally, I try to never argue with MIL/FIL when it comes to money.
Would you have just accepted the amount given, or would you try to argue some lesser (or no) amount? Obviously, none of us NEED this money, so any actual amounts are irrelevant, not to mention that we do these things because they are our parents, not to get paid.
Just take it- it made them feel better to have paid for services. Another ploy is to take the check but never cash it. Nitpicking the amount when all parties can afford it wasn’t great. By now this is history so best to put it in your memory’s recycle bin (I don’t think my H has one, btw) and move on. Your H should realize money given now is coming out of his inheritance later and he can always set the money aside to help them if/when they need it in the future. Or give it to help any of his sib’s kids later.
I’m not sure I completely understand all the players, but your basic question seems to be that your husband wants to accept a less than the amount given.
My thoughts:
accept NO money since they are parents and you do it to help them (as you noted)
they are your husband’s parents, and while you should consult with him on the issue, if you don’t agree, I would defer to your husband since they are HIS parents (and vice versa if they had been your parents)
(for the record, I don’t agree with your hubby about accepting a lesser amount than offered…I’d either take the offer to make them happy or refuse to take any money for something you did out of love)
That’s exactly what I was thinking. Take it, but keep a running tab of anything similar that happens in the future, and if the day comes that they need it, give it back.
If they want to give you the money, I would accept. Sometimes parents try to give their kids some of their inheritance while they are alive rather than after they have passed. It gives them pleasure. This may be a way of doing this.
If your H’s parents need the money ( although it doesn’t sound like it), he can certainly use the money given to you to help them. If he feels you deserve less money than your BIL, you guys can work it out privately.
I think if someone is trying to give someone else a present or payment for work, to decline it could be hurtful. If someone declined your thank-you note or b-day present, wouldn’t it hurt?
Not knowing their financial situation it’s difficult to say, but they may be aware that should they need assisted living or nursing home care, there may not be an inheritance so they are attempting to provide some now.
I would take the money and buy myself something really nice. You did help them and isn’t this the house that they bought and blamed you for showing it to them?
It sounds like the IL’s have plenty and I’m not sure why your H cares frankly. Maybe the this is the IL’s way of apologizing for the fuss they made with the house.
I dog sit for my IL’s. I’m the one who is the primary caregiver, my H is not very involved. My mil knows that and she gives gift cards for me for things my H doesn’t like. I took care of the dog and I benefit. H couldn’t care.
The ILS regularly give all of us $$ from the “inheritance”, so this was in addition to any of that. Personally, I would be fine with not getting any extra for our efforts this summer, but OTOH I kind of feel that H is saying $XX/5 is ok because that’s what it is actually worth and thus he is putting a $ value on my time and efforts (which he thinks are worth $0, btw, so there’s that).
It appears ILs are treating their children and CIL equally, which is really the only way to handle these things.
Suggest to your H that gifts from his parents should be accepted graciously. To return some part of it might create familial ripples you don’t care to deal with.
If H does not agree and proceeds otherwise, then it’s his decision.
H determined that 1/5 of the amount they gave us was “reasonable”. We returned the other 4/5. As I said, it’s not about the money, but at the same time, to H everything is about money (whose kid is he?) and by accepting 1/5, he is saying that in his mind that is the value of my time. Whatever I do, it’s kind of whacked, IMHO.
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H determined that 1/5 of the amount they gave us was “reasonable”. We returned the other 4/5. As I said, it’s not about the money, but at the same time, to H everything is about money (whose kid is he?) and by accepting 1/5, he is saying that in his mind that is the value of my time. Whatever I do, it’s kind of whacked, IMHO.
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So, like, the in-laws gave you $500, and your H gave them BACK $400. And, worse, he indicated that $100 is all that your time was worth?
