<p><em>blush</em></p>
<p>Just noticed that my dates were wrong for my 10-year pregnant/nursing period!! Make that June 1986 to June 1996. Then, a year off and I became pregnant with my sixth–another 2 1/4 year pregnant/nursing time! I looked at the dates and realized that my oldest would definitely not be ready to go to college yet!! <em>lol</em> My brain is missing a little gray matter right now! :)</p>
<p>~berurah, who really CAN add (sometimes!)</p>
<p>Have been so intent on the emotional content here that the number piece failed to compute:) We knew you could add - how else would you do the financial aid stuff so thoroughly…</p>
<p>You’ve NEVER had one in your whole life?? Oh my.</p>
<p>Prepare to become an addict, dear.</p>
<p>cheers - look at the end of the thread, A Nation of Wimps. SBMom, garland and I will be hanging in the cc hot tub while we wait for our facials…</p>
<p>Berurah: You will love your massage! I am so glad you are accepting this gift from the heart. Allowing someone else to “do for” you is also a gift of sorts.</p>
<p>Please don’t feel inept because you have lots of paper and organizational problems. I do too (and I only have one D already at college!). Some of us got the organizational gene and some of us didn’t.</p>
<p>You have such lovely manners and such a warm personality that shines through in your posts. Any woman who gets six kids out the door to school is NOT inept…</p>
<p>Berurah-
I am not totally up to speed on the status of your son’s myriad of incredible scholarships/college choices (i.e I haven’t entered the betting pool 
) and I DK whether or not Duke has come through with any $$ for you yet, but I agree with everyone here. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. Of course, I don’t do such a good job of that, but do as I say, not as I do 
Massages are wonderful. I’ve never actually paid for one myself-- I have gotten them as either gifts or I bid on them at fundraiser/silent auctions. Somehow I can’t justify spending the money on myself for such a luxury, but I have very much enjoyed the ones I have been given or won at the Happy Tail Pet Therapy Fundraiser. Suggestion: The Hot Stone massage is incredible if, for any reason you don’t want a traditional therapeutic massage. Don’t get me wrong- they are great too. Have both!!!</p>
<p>
jym626~Come on over and bet, girl!! The betting pool wouldn’t be complete without your wager. To save you from reading that monster thread, though…Duke has come through with flying colors! We have received the finaid package from them, and it was updated yet again today. The current grant amount for next year is a <strong><em>very</em></strong> generous $27,000+!!! Puts it higher than the JHU scholarship. It is called the Duke University Scholarship, but it is a need-based grant, which the finaid office claims is renewable each year barring an extreme change in circumstances. Yes, we are still picking ourselves up off of the floor! </p>
<p>~b.</p>
<p>Berurah,
I’m not a bit surprised to read your post. Like so many here have said, this whole process is like a part time job. I have felt/feel like you do countless times, and I only have the one daughter!!!</p>
<p>Can you imagine how stressed you’d be without CC??? I know for me its like a place to recharge, focus, unwind, relax, etc. And it really does feel like a family. </p>
<p>Alum, you are an amazing person - such a kind offer. I’m glad she’s taking you up on it. In honor of you, I will pay it forward, and do something nice for someone on your behalf:)</p>
<p>Jamimom, I’m sorry you are facing difficulties. You are a very giving person on these boards, and I really hope things get better for you and your family.</p>
<p>maineparent~</p>
<p>I would like to thank you so very much for your wise words and your amusing anecdotes! I just HAVE to have that shirt…the one which says only “COLLEGE”. Oh, that is priceless!! I think I’d like to buy one for each of my kids!! Wouldn’t we be quite the sight when we went out as a family!? <em>lol</em> Had to laugh about your younger son’s reticence to go to dinner since he knew the conversations would always revolve around college! My poor kids…I think they have developed a “if you can’t beat 'em, join 'em” attitude, and they’ve taken to initiating more college talk than I at this point!! </p>
<p>It’s funny…the question that you spoke of regarding “intent” has ALWAYS been my standard too!! I have always put it like this, “If I can look back on this and say, with all sincerity, that I have done my best, then I will be satisfied.” It has to be good enough, since good intentions don’t always render good results! <em>lol</em></p>
<p>Now, I must issue you an invitation…Will you pleeeeeaaaaassee come move in next door?? You sound like an organizational dream, and <em>I</em> am an organizational nightmare. Your suggestions were WONDERFUL. It is exactly this type of to-do list that I need! I am going to try and start with some of the things that you have suggested. About the loss of the pink slip…It really was my fault. I asked my dh to give it to me so that I could start on the Letters of Special Circumstances, but true to form, I promptly misplaced it. I’m sure it will turn up after S is safely ensconced in his dorm room next August!</p>
<p>I totally agree with you about viewing what I have done this year as a job! And the way I see it, I have “earned” a LOT of money!! Seriously, if I had been working outside the home (and trying to manage six kids AND do this college stuff), it just wouldn’t have gotten done, and we’d be paying much more for college, wherever he ends up.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for the wishes for peace! I truly do get so much peace and comfort from this forum, and I am so thrilled at the prospect of the massage that Alum is so generously giving me–I am going to feel like ROYALTY!!!</p>
<p>Thanks, maineparent, for all of your great support. I so enjoy your posts!</p>
<p>love, ~berurah</p>
<p>
yulsie~ <em>lololol</em> I hope that things’ get movin’ soon!! Tell you S to “break a leg, but not really” in his musical. What are they doing??</p>
<p>
momsdream~Can’t even imagine my life without worrying! What would I do all day?? <em>lol</em></p>
<p>mstee~Thanks so much for the pep talk. It was MUCH needed and very, very appreciated!</p>
<p>jami~</p>
<p>I just wanted to let you know how very much I’ve been thinking about you and hoping and praying that whatever problems you are facing now will be resolved in a satisfactory way very soon. You have had so very many challenges. I think of you often as I feel we are kindred souls in a way, us moms of many. To be sure, you have had many, many more challenges than I, but I can relate to the feeling of being pulled in lots of directions at one time. It can be so frustrating and demoralizing.</p>
<p>You really are a truly amazing person…just ask ANYONE on this forum. We all know that. The only thing that makes me sad is the thought of how much you put into everything only to be continuously facing so many challenges and difficulties. It can certainly make you feel as if you are running on empty.</p>
<p>Please don’t EVER think that your problems don’t belong on this forum. YOU belong on this forum. It is a “home” to you, and you are loved here and cared about here. I think I speak for ALL of us when I say that we will ALL be here for you should you ever decide to share your problems. No judgment involved…just the same support, encouragement, love, and kindness that you have repeatedly shown all of us.</p>
<p>You are NOT going through life without making much of a difference. You make a HUGE difference…to your family, your friends, your colleagues, to everyone around you, and most especially, to ME!! It is really not possible for me to tell you how much you have contributed to the positive outcome for my son and to my sanity throughout this entire process. You have been a godsend, truly.</p>
<p>Hang in there honey. I know you are in a tough place. I will be thinking about you and wishing for you peace and happiness. </p>
<p>much love, ~berurah</p>
<p>wish~</p>
<p>I could relate so much to everything you said in your post! I looked at the college application process as “our” job, both my son’s and mine. We split the labor exactly as you and your son did. I feel so badly for the girl at your son’s school who did not get the help/guidance from her parents that could have so greatly affected her outcome. While I think the concept of having a student do everything on his own is theoretically admirable, it is simply not a reality in this day and age with so much required and so many kids involved in extensive extracurriculars. Thanks, too, for the kind words about how I turned out as a parent. As you have guessed, much of my motivation derived from my reaction to my childhood. I wanted my children to have that which was not freely given to me…unconditional love and support.</p>
<p>dadofsam~I’ll definitely be regrouping soon to gather the energy for the new challenges that will lie ahead of me once this decision is made!! Sheets and fridges, here we come!! <em>lol</em></p>
<p>
rbinaz~You are so very kind. Thank you for this compliment! You are so right in that many moms I know rarely take the time to indulge themselves. I think the key is to shift from viewing it as an indulgence to viewing it as a necessity for sustenance. I know <em>I</em> sure have a hard time with the concept…That dang guilt always seems to slip in there <em>lol</em>. I welcome you to the forum and to this thread! Please tell me about yourself and your college kiddo! I’d love to get to know you!</p>
<p>MotherOfTwo~Seems like you and I both think wish’s post was full of much wisdom. I thank you for everything you have done over these many months. You have stood by my side this whole way!</p>
<p>katwkittens~OMG!!! I am a WIMP compared to you!!! Oh, I can’t believe all that you are going through with so many kids so close in age and ALL involved in college/post-grad/pre-college stuff!! You are my idol!!! Culinary school in Paris IS beginning to sound good! If you send yours there, have them take Max…he fancies himself quite the chef (he’s 11), and he LOVES watching Emeril!! I can only imagine how very hard all of this has been on your youngest son and on you as you are quickly losing your helpers. I honestly do not know how you do what you do, but I can tell you this: When I think I have things tough, I will think about you and all that you have managed to accomplish as a single mom, and I will QUIT COMPLAINING! Good luck, sweetie, with all of that wretched paperwork! And keep us posted on what everyone is doing, particularly your middle DD who is deciding now!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>momofthree~What a beautiful and wise post. Just reading it calmed me down! <em>lol</em> You are right about the feeling of paralysis. You know what it reminds me of? The days just prior to giving birth (at least if you are like me, and you have this sort of hideous four-day labor thingy going…). EVERYTHING else is put on the back burner…the focus is singular and obsessive. The world is seen through the prism of only one event. That’s where we are now. But, I am so very grateful for the fact that we HAVE choices. This WILL get made. It has to! Thanks again for the lovely post.</p>
<p>maineparent~
This thought is lovely. After reading the posts on this thread, I realized that there is beauty and grace in the acceptance of a gift from the heart, just as there is in the giving. Again, all of this points back to my childhood and my “role” in our dysfunctional family as the consummate “giver”. Indeed, accepting the sincerely offered, heartfelt gift from Alum is medicine of the finest kind!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Berurah–this is the first time I have read anything on the Cafe–didn’t realize it was a separate part of CC! And now I realize we have more in common than sons who are long-time Blue Devil fans! My mother is also of the “I’ve already raised my own kids–I’m finished, and not into helping out when you have a crisis!” school. We will have to compare notes someday, but only if it doesn’t make you even more stressed out than you have been already this year.</p>
<p>The good news is–you have had so much GOOD news of late! We are all obsessing about this college thing, and CC allows us to do that, and not drive our friends crazy. All the lurking I have done is because I know all of you have been feeling the same way I have, and this is our second to go through the process. I thought I’d be more relaxed the second time around, but s was aiming even higher that d, plus more schools to look at, and another at home feeling ignored. You have twice as many kids as we have, so you are amazing!!! Do not beat up on yourself for what is not getting done, or is not perfect. Your family sounds very together and very loving, so you have been doing more things right than you give yourself credit for–and they are all learning many things during this process that will be stored away for future reference!</p>
<p>Hang in there–no matter what your son decides, it will be an awesome experience for him! The relief you will feel at that moment will be one of the best emotions of your life because you will know that you did everything you could, and that he will be so happy with his choice!</p>
<p>We are all praying for you and sending you cyber massages!</p>
<p>cheers~I cannot WAIT for this massage! If addiction is the risk I must take…well, O.K.!! I’ll just have to think up a few more occasions besides Mother’s Day and my birthday…<em>lol</em></p>
<p>bookiemom~You have NO idea how happy I am to meet a fellow organizationally-challenged mom!! I definitely got shorted on the organizational gene. The funny thing is, it has made my kids much MORE organized (except for my oldest D!). They KNOW that I’ll forget/misplace/overlook everything if they are not on top of stuff, so they stay on top of it! My second son used to insist that I email the tooth fairy when he lost a tooth. He’s eleven now, but he STILL uses that as his euphemism for, “Please don’t forget to leave me some money under my pillow!” You are right about getting six kids out of the door in the morning! I see it as a small daily triumph. Can’t always vouch that my youngest D has remembered to brush her hair, but most days we pull it off pretty well <em>lol</em>. Thank you so very much for posting and for your very kind words!</p>
<p>
redr002~Nope, can’t even imagine!! Actually, when I think about it, without CC I may be LESS stressed because we would probably have NO choices–my son may not have made it into many/any of the colleges without all of the expert advice that has been so freely shared on this forum! I sure hope your stress level goes down very soon!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>irishforever!!~So glad you found the cafe!! Nice to “see” you here!</p>
<p>I am so sorry that you have had to experience what I have in the mother department. It is terribly difficult, isn’t it? It was always especially hard on me when others would, albeit with very good intentions, say, “Well, they’re [your parents] the ones missing out.” No, that wasn’t true at ALL. They didn’t WANT the relationship with the grandkids, but the grandkids DID want a relationship with their grandparents. It is especially difficult here because we live in small town where most of the people (unlike us) were born and raised here and it is not at all uncommon for many of their friends to live on the same street as their grandparets and have very close relationships. None of our grandparents even knows where my son has been accepted because they wouldn’t care anyway. Actually, I’d love to trade notes sometime. It doesn’t stress me out…to the contrary, it helps me a great deal to talk about it because the pain of the whole situation is not something that ever goes away…</p>
<p>But, onto the GOOD, and yes, there is lots of it!!! We are so excited right now with all of the cool possibilities, though I’m ready for a decision to come SOON!! My third child could definitely relate to yours! She is feeling a bit neglected, though most of the last weekend was taken up with her musical theatre performance, so I haven’t heard any complaints of late. So far, everyone’s hanging in there pretty well.</p>
<p>I am so sorry that I’ve not had a chance to return your email yet. I started a letter, but didn’t have the time to finish it. I’ll get one out tomorrow, I promise! Thanks for the good wishes!</p>
<p>love, ~berurah</p>
<p>Berurah-
Wow!! The money just keeps rolling in! Thanks for the extra info (aka - <em>tip</em>) on the Duke $$. Let me get with my bookie and I’ll head over to the bettin’ arena . What is the deadline for your s. to make his decision?? (Date/time). I’m not much of a gambler, but what the hey… its for a good cause! You should set up a payment arrangement for the bets on paypal and fund the rest of your s’s education with the profits :D</p>
<p>Jami-
Hope you are haning in there, and that the support form the CC crowd can somehow ease the pain. We are all thing about you…</p>
<p>Berurah, I was delighted to read that you have accepted Alumother’s generous offer. I have a friend who grew up with a mother similar to yours. She also has a lot of kids. However, no matter what problems she’s having (and some of them have, unfortunately, been quite severe), she will accept help from noone, not the smallest teeniest amount of help. This makes all her friends crazy and hasn’t done any good for her. So I’m particularly happy to see that you’re not caught in that particular trap.</p>
<p>Jamimom, I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. I suppose you know as well as I do that sometimes people raise the subject of their problems because they want people to convince them to share. But at any rate I hope you have someone “in real life” that can be a sounding board or an empathetic presence or whatever else you need at this troubling time.</p>
<p>
searchingavalon~
Well, I was until yesterday! <em>lol</em> Seriously, this has affected my life immensely for many, many years. I have always found that if I cannot do it myself, it just won’t get done, whether that means one of my kids misses a party or a practice or a game or whatever because I simply cannot be in two places at one time. It has been a real burden. And the weird thing is, I JUMP at the chance to help others because I truly love the feeling I get when I do so, and I get a great deal of joy out of seeing someone else’s needs/desires being met. So, this is a big step for me, and I get a fabulous treat in the bargain! (Thanks ALUM!)</p>
<p>~b.</p>
<p>Berurah: Even though the decision process is nerve-wracking, remember that it is temporary, and that the end result will be a GOOD one for your terrific son. Kind of like childbirth, I think: several hours of intense pain to achieve something unimaginably wonderful. And OT, but do you remember the columnist Erma Bombeck, who wrote very funny stuff about domestic life? I do believe that you could be the next Erma!</p>
<p>Jami: I am so very sorry to hear that there is a crisis in your family. Please know that were all pulling for you. Ill echo what others have already said: You are the wisest and most generous voice on these boards.</p>