Inappropriate verbal behavior (?) by a HS teacher

Parent Cafe
1

My child’s teacher sometimes refers to her female students as “sluts” or even “cheap sluts”. I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why she thinks this is appropriate. I know that my spouse and I had a discussion about this with another parent a couple of years ago. After that parent raised the issue with the teacher, the parent told us that the teacher informed the class that someone was offended by her behavior and made an appeal for …well, sympathy, I guess. I’m not sure what happened beyond that, but now I am the parent explaining to a child that the behavior is not acceptable.

This teacher is well-liked and has terrific reviews on the teacher rating sites. I am sure she thinks she is being funny or cool. I just don’t see this as either. What is she teaching the girls in her class about self-respect and respect for others? What is she teaching the boys who hear her referring to these young ladies in such a derogatory manner? I don’t want to know what would happen if I met with her and said, “How you doing, slut?” I shudder to think what would happen if a male teacher referred to the young women in his class as sluts.

I am this close to sending her an email asking her to rethink her use of such terms in class. Am I overreacting? Should I take some other tack? Should I just let this go? I get one shot at this whole “raising a human being” thing and I want to make sure I do it as well as I can.

2

Can you find other parents who are equally concerned about this disrespectful language? Perhaps a coordinated response would have a better result.

3

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. It’s completely inappropriate and I’d have a fit if an adult said that to young people- thought at 16/17 I would definitely not have been able to speak up about it.

I second CF’s suggestion. This is not something that should be let go.

4

If I understand your original message, another parent brought up this concern years ago, and you’re only encountering it this year. What I don’t understand is why more parents aren’t concerned. You say the teacher is well liked. Is she really? Or does she use bullying tactics to keep parental complaints at bay.

You are not overreacting. Skip the teacher and go directly to the administration.

5

No, you are not over-reacting. If this teacher is actually calling girls sluts–not, for example, discussing the spreading use of such derogatory language in popular culture, which would be a worthwhile topic of discussion–she should be stopped NOW.

6

My child specifically told me that the teacher refers to the girls in her class using the terms I mentioned above. There is no lesson behind her use of these terms and, if there were, I would not be offended. My child says that the teacher could just as easily say, “How are you young ladies doing on the essay assignment?” Instead she says, “How are you cheap sluts doing on the essay assignment?”

I can’t speak to any bullying tactics but I can say that this teacher has won educator awards and has received glowing reviews from former students. She has been at the school for more than 15 years.

As suggested, I am going to speak to some of the parents of other children in this class to see what, if anything, they have heard. I’ve been trying to come up with ways and reasons to avoid involving admin but I think I need to if there is to be a permanent solution to this issue. My spouse and I thought that this problem was resolved two years ago, but the teacher obviously didn’t listen to the complaint from the other parent and there is no reason to believe that she will listen to me.

7

Wow. I’d be livid, and you can bet I’d be in the principal’s office that afternoon after hearing about this. totally unacceptable! I agree about talking to other parents and presenting a unified front on a complaint, but this just might be one of those times when a hidden camera and a posting to the media/youtube or something might be called for.

I find it hard to believe that this is not only a popular teacher, but an award-winning one. She sounds like she should not be teaching at all.

8

I agree, this is totally unacceptable! I would be at the principal’s office today.

9

You don’t mention (or if you did, I missed it) if this is high school or college, but regardless, it’s inappropriate. What if this were a male teacher calling his students sluts? There would be a huge uproar. I think it’s even worse that it’s a female teacher. How does she refer to the boys?

10

whAT the heck kind of school atmosphere / culture is this where students and their parents didn’t go straight to the principal the first time this happened years ago!

11

^^^ how are you stud muffins doing on that essay

she needs to be formally reprimanded by the administration and attend some serious remedial sexual harassment classes. This is actually a hostile environment for any girl (I’d argue even boy) … and totally out of the norm. Anyone who has ever taken a sexual harassment class knows this, don’t teachers have to take these? I think you could easily be fired for saying this in a work place as a manager, and teachers are managers and leaders in their classroom.

(or are you pulling our legs ?)

Some community service involving women’s issues might also be called for. Does she not realize these terms are used often by abusers, users, psychopaths and the like?

To be honest, there is no reason she can not say “how is this group doing on the essay”. Why does she feel the need to call out girls in the class separately from the boys? I find that offensive already.

There isn’t even a category this low in the microaggression list.

12

Tape the class and give it to your local reporter and we can discuss it when it hits the Atlantic.

I think this is fake.

13

Since it appears the teacher seems to be getting away with this behavior, and has all her teaching awards and good reviews to stand behind, I think you should take time to consider your options before tipping your hand.

Gathering other parents who are willing to stand with you is important. Is this a public school or private school? In other words, does the administration have anything to fear from a group of parents so upset with a teacher’s behavior that they might not return to a private school? That threat of a major walk out would be something for a private school to fear much more than a public school.

I really think that @sseamom has the right idea. You need to catch this teacher using that language in her classroom on video. And catch her using that language repeatedly, so she can’t try to excuse her way out of it being a one-time slip of her tongue.

Once you have that video (and I would make a backup copy of the video just in case) then you can decide your next step. I think a group of parents asking for a meeting with the principal would speak loudly that this is a major problem. If you can’t get a group meeting, at least get a petition signed by parents asking for this teacher’s behavior to change.

In the meeting with the principal, note that the teacher was given notice a few years ago, asked to change her language, and has refused. She even made light of the situation to her students. (That really irks me!)

Decide what outcome you are seeking. If administration offers to take your child out of this teacher’s classes, is that enough? Do you want teacher to cease using the offensive language, and if so, what punishment if she continues?

I think you can hold off on publishing the video, give the proper channels a chance to work this out with the teacher. But if not, you really have a good chance of embarrassing the teacher/school administration into complying if you release the video online.

So sorry your child is having to sit in this teacher’s class and hear such language on a daily basis. So often I think we are too easily offended by words. But this is a teacher, and students are required to be under her instruction. I encourage you to fight against this!

14

Really this one is hard to believe. If true I would have been in that classroom in seconds. Call me a helicopter, snowplow or anything you please. No way I would have one of my children be subjected to the likes of that “teacher.”

15

Sounds a bit unbelievable to me. Was it one of her students who originally reported the issue? If so, I would be highly suspect of the validity… kids make stuff up all of the time when they are upset, dislike a particular teacher, or not doing well in a class.

Taking this thing to Defcon 1 without any real proof is completely irrational.

16

I am a teacher. You should contact the principal. If she/he doesn’t respond appropriately, go to the Superintendent. Next step would be Board of Ed. Start with Principal. Request anonymity if you are concerned about backlash for your child.

17

I assure you that this is not fake. My child is acting like it’s no big deal. “Oh, she does that to all the girls.” Well, I don’t need a kid who is groomed into accepting that type of behavior. What I would like to do is modify a teacher’s behavior without nuking what appears to be a decent teaching career.

eta: I don’t know that this happens every day. I don’t know if she calls the boys names.

18

This teacher has probably gotten good reviews because she’s “popular” with the students. She sounds like she’s desperately trying to fit in or be popular. She’s totally inappropriate and I’d go to administration. How old is this person? When people try that hard to be popular with their students it definitely blurs boundaries and makes me question what else she may do with her students to be popular .

19

I would not put up with a teacher calling girls sluts, no way, no how. This is really bad and needs to be stopped. I agree that it would be ideal if you could get a bunch of parents of male and female students together to complain to the principal and administration. It is sending the wrong message to ALL the kids and others who hear/know about it. ICK!

20

Because this sounds so unbelievable, I would not move forward without some video proof. If you only have verbal proof from your daughter, then it puts her in a difficult spot to be the witness. It would be less awkward to have video proof.

This teacher will most likely not want to lose her position and status as a star teacher, so you need to work harder to line up lots of evidence.