Never suggested she should not breast feed, but did say I wasn’t comfortable with it. Baby is almost 3 months and still has not had a bottle. Son doesn’t bring him anywhere on his own, and in fact she rarely leaves baby with him because he can’t feed him, he said tonight that he won’t take a bottle.>>>>>>>>>
When told she is breastfeeding, your response should have been "that's wonderful!"
Lucky, lucky baby boy to be 3 months and solely breastfed. Good for them!
And the whole last lament..........so what? It's what they have chosen for their son. Therefore, all is well. Before you know it, he'll be a toddler, eating regular food and into everything. Meanwhile, he will have gotten a fabulous start in life at his mother's breast.
I constantly try to put myself in a situation to see how I would have felt, would feel about something and I would have been crushed if my MIL had said she was uncomfortable with me breastfeeding her grandbabies. Holy cow. The grandmother is uncomfortable??? I can't even wrap my mind around why you would share that information.
I would probably be flamed but between all my kids I breastfed 8 years. No periods yay! (but that is not the case for every woman). But that was my choice. Other people make other choices. But for someone to say it makes them uncomfortable if I breastfeed my baby, that would have upset me.
I’m going to leave that up to the imagination, lol.
Exclusively though for about 4-6 months, then they got some solid food. After the first year it was mostly for comfort. Like a pacifier or thumb. It saved us money and if I could do it for them then I wanted to.
Not only this, but you can do it in advance, dad can be involved, you can buy it pre-made (if you have the funds) etc, etc. Vs the perpetual agony and practical inconvenience of nursing.
I had both. First I had preemie twins, and I was determined to bf because it was “best” for them, etc, etc. Excruciating. I was also using a hospital-grade pump to stimulate supply, and because in the beginning they were fed via feeding tubes in the NICU. I never produced enough to cause them to gain weight, to the point that doctors were worried, and finally, at 6 weeks, advised me to supplement with formula. It took all of the doctors (who had been extremely supportive of the bf) telling me that I wasn’t a failure if I gave them a bottle to smack some sense into me. At that point, the babies started gaining weight and life got much, much better.
Then, about 12 years later, I had a singleton, and I figured after twins and with experience, I could handle it, it would be better. It wasn’t. It was still just as painful and horrible, and I only lasted a few months. What WAS better was that I had much less guilt transitioning to bottles and then formula.
About four and a half years for me, but I only have two kids. One breastfed for 22 months; the other 34 months. Of course, in the later stages, this just meant a couple of times a day as a comfort measure, usually before naps and at bedtime. Breastfeeding a toddler is entirely different from breastfeeding an infant.
I never planned to be a long-term nursing mother. It just sort of evolved because I worked from home anyway and because my husband wasn’t willing to get up during the night. Also, I didn’t have the slightest clue about how to wean a kid from the breast. But my kids seemed to know when the time was right. (One was old enough to tell me – in a complete sentence – that my milk supply was gone.)
Plenty of people said it made them uncomfortable if I breastfed my baby. I learned not to give a rat’s posterior about what they thought. Useful life lesson.
“Not only this, but you can do it in advance, dad can be involved, you can buy it pre-made (if you have the funds) etc, etc. Vs the perpetual agony and practical inconvenience of nursing.”
I had the premade. It literally was filling up the day’s worth of bottles at the beginning of the day, no more difficult than pouring glasses of milk. Anyway, by definition, anything that someone else can do part of is more convenient than something that requires that I always be the doer!
I am realizing that I was extremely lucky in that nursing was easy and not painful for me at all. I had no idea some women had problems with it other than the occasional mastitis I heard about. My babies latched on easily and I had no pain. My S ended up being allergic to almost all the formulas out there (my doc had said it was ok to give him one bottle a day just to give me a break) so I did feel a little smothered because I was his ONLY source of nutrition for a long time. When I did give D a bottle, I thought it was a lot of work to clean everything and boil the water etc.
However, I would never comment on someone else’s choice to bf or bottle feed. So many variables go into that decision and until I walk in their shoes I am not going to judge.
I am totally in favor of women making whichever choice is the BEST for them and the people around them should support that choice.
But I think it’s only fair to say that for the majority of women who breastfeed beyond the initial weeks of an infant’s life, it is NOT “perpetual agony.” I know I would never have continued if that were the case, because formula has been shown to be a very good alternative to breast feeding. I would have felt very comfortable with switching if I had not been able to get to a point where there was absolutely no pain whatsoever involved.
For me, except for one brief bout of mastitis while I was nursing kid #2, there was no discomfort at all. And most of my friends who continued to breastfeed beyond the first weeks had similarly comfortable experiences.
One of mine went beyond the second birthday, as I mentioned earlier.
I used to think nursing a toddler was weird, too. But oddly, it didn’t seem that way when it was me and my kid. Also, I was disinclined to give up the one sure way to get the kid to shut up and go to sleep.
I have no idea how long I spent nursing 4 kids, but it would be something between more than 4 and less than 8. I needed the help of a lactation consultant in the beginning but then it got better. I was so glad that it was an option for me.
I had a trouble with my oldest who was born in Germany and was given bottles of water in the hospital. Nipple confusion. Sigh. He did not gain weight for the first few weeks. I weighed him before and after breastfeeding for a while and it was clear he just wasn’t taking enough in. So I pumped and gave him bottles of breast milk. Eventually he figured out the nursing and I found the German equivalent of LLL. My youngest knew exactly what to do from day one and refused to ever take a bottle. Mildly inconvenient, but he was using a sippy cup before I knew it.
I nursed for ever. I started talking about it with the older one when he was abou 3 1/2 and he said he’d stop when he was four. On his fourth birthday, early in the morning I said, “okay now you are four” and he said, “Not till 9:06.” That was the last time he nursed. Younger son nursed for a little longer than that, and I had to cut it off. That said, I loved the hormones from nursing and really missed it when I was done. And nursing a toddler is really not a big deal. They are too busy to nurse for long. I could tell them we weren’t doing it in public. Mostly they just liked a quick sip before going to bed and first thing in the morning.
Mom and baby just left for home as her H is back from his trip.
I stayed up until 7:00 a.m. the first night and 3:30 the second with baby.
I learned that baby is just full of gas. She wakes herself by grunting for 10 min. or so, clearly does not need to wake
up except for this. She passes gas! over and over and over.
Mom got some new formula and gasless bottles but it is to soon to tell.
Really–I have never been with a baby who has this many burps and farts–ever.
The good news is that I had mom buy a floor mat --Einstein’s-- and baby loved! it. Also, had mom and baby take a bath together (only her 3rd bath and the other two in a baby tub. Also, we bought a crib toy and I told mom that baby can hang out in her crib, alone, and she can shower when back home.
Mom called it “baby boot camp”. She arrived with a “newborn” in her mind and left with a “baby”.
Baby is now 7 weeks old. Weights 9.2lbs. Has really grown in the last two weeks since D and then I became
involved.
It was a good use of our last 48 hours. H and D and I made it all work and it was not that difficult.
We also pinpointed the fact that mom is bored and her living room is really gloomy. So she and H are trying to fix their environment with lamps and color.
I shared your posts and they were so supportive. She is breastfeeding a few times a day and pumping once but there is less than 4 o z after 8 hours. She was pumping at 3a.m.and I have convinced her to stop getting up to do this as this is not when baby is even awake. She can pump another time.
I am glad to have helped and do not think things are going to be totally better but at least she has some understanding about what is going on.
@oregon101 You’re a blessing and a great bonus grandmother/mom!
I think many younger moms don’t have the benefit of being around babies/other moms growing up so everything is new to them and they don’t learn the little tricks. Perhaps she can seek out/join some groups with other new moms in her area. It’ll help with boredom and its always good to share experiences and advice.
This is sad. You’re the grandparents and understandably thrilled. All my relatives who are grandparents include photos of the grandkids. Why should anyone get upset? The more photos the merrier. You’re gonna have trouble with this one, that is very clear.