<p>With so much violence in the news I find raising young children far more challenging than we my college-aged kids were young. I have a 10 and almost 13 year old and I think this bombing in Boston has just pushed one of them over the edge. When the Aurora movie theatre shooting took place I was so taken aback two weeks later when I took my son to the movie and he gently took my hand and said, “If someone comes in with a gun, what door should we use?” It literally took my breath away and yet I did as many parents do and shook inside and yet was stone on the outside. I simply used it as a teaching moment (not sure who it taught more) to explain that the situation was rare, very random, etc. And yet, I observed the theatre and together we made the plan depending on what door the shooter chose to use. A VERY depressing moment to say the least. It was movie for goodness sake.</p>
<p>And then there was Sandy Hook. So much fear in kids that school is not safe. That babies died that day. Innocent children, no hate in their bodies, no hate in their hearts. His constant worry for his elementary aged sister. For her safety. He hates that he is not in school with her now.</p>
<p>Fast forward to Monday after school and he comes pushing through the door asking what was going on. The chatter had started at the middle school and truth had turned to rumor and he knew I would be honest with him. So we talked about the bombing and how a misguided person wanted to make a statement and how again, very isolated. And as we sat and watched the television, the reports of the first victim being 8 years old surfaced and he just looked right at me and said, “I bet it doesn’t feel random to his parents.” What do you say to that? He is 100% correct.</p>
<p>Then there was yesterday when he said his day at school was really bad. It started in his GT class when they were working current events and of course the bombing was all over the paper. Then to science to dissect a deer heart. (When did that start being standard? What happened to frogs or starfish?) and admitted to freaking out a bit. Asked to leave the room. He said it was just too “blood like” for him and he couldn’t get the image out of his head of the blood on the sidewalk in the pictures from the morning. Then it spills out that he is nervous in school. Afraid someone is going to shoot his friends, teachers or himself. Again, teachable, but how do you reassure your kids when the reality is life is just so uncertain? He wishes I could be at school with him (mainly because I am a concealed handgun carrier and my children know this…not for ANY debate purposes just mentioned because that is why he wants me at school…lol) He says he feels safe at home. Just wishes he felt safe “in public” when he is not with me or my husband. I almost feel cheated that the kids today feel so shattered inside. I don’t fear life and refuse for any terror to do what it set out to do. But it does make me angry.</p>
<p>I’m 22. I was born during the Persian Gulf War. 9/11 happened when I was in fifth grade. Columbine when I was younger. DC snipper, anthrax, never ending war. What is more violent about now??</p>
<p>My college aged kids had both also. For what ever reason (maybe the kid maybe the media) (my girls were in 4th and 5th grade at the time so maybe the age) it just seems so much harder on them. </p>
<p>Maybe it is just so many different “attacks” that it seems so unpredictable and the unpredictability is what breeds the anxiety.</p>
<p>Because I cross posted with RGE, I just wanted to say as I ponder this question, I think our children’s access to instant information is part of the issue. There is no “protecting” them from the influx of information when they hold the world in their hands via their smartphones.</p>
<p>It’s that “we” are different since 9/11. Try not to pass it on to your kid.</p>
<p>I actually had to tell a teacher to stop talking about 9/11 in my kids’ class because she was freaking out every time an airplane went overhead.</p>
<p>Too much news, these days, none of it good.</p>
<p>x-posted with CS.</p>
<p>ETA: my kids learned to shut that stuff off a long time ago.</p>
<p>OP, my oldest was almost 10 when 9/11 happened, and she was profoundly shaken by it. I’m sorry to say that now at 21, this week she has told me she has to turn the TV off because she again finds the news disturbing. She is a deep, emotional thinker (a performing artist), and she tends to dwell on these kinds of events.</p>
<p>I recall one thing that helped following 9/11 was to help her focus on the responders. The people who officially or unofficially ran to help, rather than running away. She could find caring to latch onto in them, and that seemed to be a bit of a coping mechanism for her. Perhaps your son would find that comforting, too.</p>
<p>I grew up in the fifties and sixties, angry at my parents for not building a bomb shelter. I was sure that they were heartless fools and didn’t care that we might be obliterated. Somehow I survived.</p>
<p>My daughter is 19 and goes to school in Boston (she and her friends are all fine). Our family lived through columbine and 9/11 (where we were personally effected - had two friends who died - one a parent of a friend of my daughter and my husband was in the building that morning but walked out OK). After columbine we stopped watching the nightly news at dinner (as had been our custom) for many, many years. I have no answers except that we have to be honest with our children but still make them feel safe. Also, as my husband always says we have to teach them to be smart (yes know your exits when in a crowd, run away from any danger you might sense, etc.) I will say that on 9/11 the schools were unprepared - I wish there had been counseling for my daughter (and myself). I recommend you seek whatever help the school offers for your child, I am sure he is not alone in his feelings. You also have to know your child - I told my daughter on Monday - don’t watch the news - the graphic pictures will upset you (I believe she followed my advice). Today she tells me there is a sad feeling on campus (but the weather is nice out and that is helping.)</p>
<p>There seem to be more mass shootings, more school shootings, and bombings. Of course kids will worry. I find I am better off not watching the TV too much. It makes me sad to think about. Just came back from a trip to Japan and Taiwan where everything seems much safer. But of course, terrorist acts can happen anywhere.</p>
<p>I’m sorry your son is taking this so hard, CS. Many people are likely feeling a combination of grief, anger, and fear currently. Unfortunately such incidents are not new. </p>
<p>As humans part of what we do is adapt. Along the way we ended up homeschooling, not something I had ever initially planned on. As a matter of fact, I’d never even heard of it! We stayed with it because it worked out well, and I’m thankful for the time I got with my daughter.</p>
<p>Images are very powerful and maybe more so to a child. My kids were in grade school during 9/11 and the teachers chose to not say anything and let the parents try to explain the horrors of the after school let out. We talked about it and the kids happened upon snippits on TV or in the newspapers, but we did not let them sit in front of the TV and watch the aftermath.</p>
<p>When I was a sophomore or junior in high school, a classmate beheaded and dismembered a man, scattered his body parts, and came to school the next day like nothing happened. The reaction was very split at school. Some were horrified and scared to go to school. Many were just a little creeped out but otherwise unaffected. </p>
<p>I’m the first to admit that I’m far more desensitized to violence than I should be. I guess that happens when the horrors of war are brought back to you in the form of what body parts could be found of your loved one. I think large chunks of my generation are as desensitized as I am.</p>
<p>Ditto to what everyone else said. Turn off the tv. I am learning myself; once I heard what happened in Boston, I turned off my NPR station and listened to jazz all afternoon. We’ll find out soon enough. I did the same after Newtown, but after I heard much too much, crazy rumors as well as the awful facts of the situation.</p>
<p>I was thinking about that when I watched the movie Hitchcock, Romani. He had to go through so many hoops with the censor to get that shower scene. I wonder if it would even get an R now?</p>
<p>I think we are ALL too desensitized to violence.</p>
<p>OP, I think it’s smart to answer your sons questions and point out things that could be done. One thing I mention to my kids, is look for the exits, be aware and plan ahead. </p>
<p>Bad things happen to good people, BUT we cannot live our life in fear. The more we stay home or not do activities because we are afraid, the more power we give to those ‘bad’ people.</p>
<p>So you have to plan for the worst, pray for the best, prepare as best you can and try not to think about it too much as it will drive you crazy. I’m like many others, I can’t watch the news after these things happen- I can’t stand the rehashing of the incident, to me it just gives those people more power.</p>
<p>Maybe talk to your son and tell him that this is the hard part about life, having to deal with the nutjobs that are out there.</p>
<p>OP, if your son’s anxiety continues, perhaps it would be wise to look for help for him. I am sure he’s not the only kid in his school/in your town who is affected by the continuing, seemingly random incidents of violence. My guess is that some counseling or a good group could really help him regain perspective.</p>