<p>My two oldest were in grade school during the Gulf War. It was not discussed in school and parents were instructed not to allow the children to see any news reports regarding the war. Wise instructions.</p>
<p>At a very young age, children are not likely to understand the difference between Kuwait and the next town over where we go for ice cream every summer. The concept of distance can be lost on them. And a child who sees an image of a bomb exploding on a busy city street has no way of knowing that this isn’t the very same city she visits when she goes to Mommy’s office with her. I can’t even fathom why parents would think this is something young children should be exposed to.</p>
<p>My children are a bit older. My youngest graduated in May. That being said I think that this group of parents are kind, sensitive and very in tune to your kids. </p>
<p>My first move (after the talking in the family) would be to call the school and see if the school was talking about this (with a psychologist) and/or there are some groups off school where the kids can share their feelings.</p>
<p>My children lived through the massive earthquake in the Valley. That was their first glimpse into the world when and where mommy and daddy couldn’t control their lives. I think that we did ok because my son, the night before a big business trip to Europe (he was 18) looked at me and asked that if there was a problem would I come. (This was the time of the bombing of railroads). I started to answer when he interrupted, “Of course you would.” Deep inside our kids know, no matter their age that we will help them.</p>
<p>During 9/11 my younger kids were in elementary school. They never got to watch any news. So it did not have any effect on them one way or the other.</p>
<p>Looking more broadly at our society, if this intermittent violence is so tragic on our sheltered children who are protected by where we live and etc., what about those children who are living in places like Southside Chicago, South Central LA and in South Dallas with DAILY gun violence and death?</p>
<p>I was 8 when the US ordered air strikes in Libya. I was home and frightened that we were going to be bombed. The difference between then and now is how hard it is to avoid news now. It’s everywhere.</p>
<p>Lots of good suggestions here. After 9/11, my now 19 yr old college freshman had trouble sleeping. It got bad enough that we sought professional help. He/we worked through it. He’s always been my sensitive child, cognizant that bad things can happen and do happen in the world. Especially when he got his driver’s license, I was glad he does not have the typical teenage invincibility mentality!</p>
<p>I grew up in the early 60’s and remember the “duck and cover” bomb drills, finding tracts in public bathrooms that warned explicitly what the communists would do when the invaded the US, reading the daily death count from the Viet Nam war that was on the front page of the newspaper along with the air pollution index. In addition to that there were the race riots (our city was the site of one almost as bad as the one in Watts), regular airplane hijackings, and warnings about “Mr. Stranger Danger”.</p>
<p>Two of my daughter’s gradschool classmates were crossing the finish line on Monday as the bombs exploded. They were not injured, but she is taking it hard.</p>
<p>I grew up during the cold war. I remember going under my desk for air raids and other times we silently lined the halls for shelter attack preparations. That was my youth, but I dare say my innnocence wasn’t shattered. </p>
<p>Unaware maybe, but we were young and lived a pretty sheltered suburban childhood where summer meant going to the local pool and walking home tasting honeysuckles. Bad things were not discussed and I felt safe. It’s really up to you to allow your kids to feel safe, even with bad things out in the world. If it’s so pervasive, turn it off and teach them to skip rope.</p>
<p>Everyone needs to feel safe, and it is completely normal for kids to be overwhelmed. My kids were in K & 2nd on 911, then the dc sniper where we lived and they had to do drills on how to survive sniper attacks. I had my youngest sleeping in bed with us for awhile. </p>
<p>Correct me if my recollection is faulty - but as someone who grew up in the '70’s & '80’s - it seems like that was a slice of time when things were relatively calm and quiet so it really never touched home that something bad could happen right here. Things happened elsewhere, but elsewhere was so far away.</p>
<p>One thing that could make everyone feel badly is having an emergency plan. If you are at school, what do you do. If you are away from home, what do you do. </p>
<p>Now I have one at college, one in hs, and during the Newtown tragedy we had to turn the tv off for the weekend. I watched this for a few minutes, but even today there is still so much faulty info going out. </p>
<p>You mentioned he was in g/t which a lot of times gifted kids are extra sensitive to things in the news. Now is the time to make sure he knows how to process this, to feel safe in his environment, to be aware that things like this happen so rarely, it’s why it’s on the news. Focus on the positive in that situation - the people on site who helped right away, the medical staff who went into action to save as many as possible, and that we don’t let the lunatics decide how we live. One of the wonderful thing about Americans is our resiliency, our desire to help each other in time of crisis, and that we weep when others are attacked, and we fight back and defend each other.</p>
<p>When I was about twelve and we had a discussion about nuclear war, my Dad a vet of the European theater said if we were on our own, my sis and I would have to walk to Dorrington, up in the Sierra, head for the relatives there and that the “freeways” would be off limits to all but military traffic. It seemed something I could do if I had to “walk to Dorrington.” Our ancestors were desensitized to death and dying; it was an everyday occurence. Not that they liked it but it was something common that they could handle.</p>
This is a good suggestion. When our kids were small, when we would hear a siren (ambulance, fire engine), we taught ourselves to say, “Someone is getting the help they need,” and not “Someone is in trouble.”</p>
<p>My reaction was to sign up for my next race. That, and after reading on CC, we talked about trying not to hang near trash cans at large outdoor events.</p>
<p>OP, I’ll bet your sensitive child is very intelligent. Most kids quickly put these events out of their minds and concentrate on what they’re going to eat for lunch, or who the coach is going to start in the baseball game that afternoon. They simply don’t think about these events that much unless they are very directly affected, or else they assume nothing will happen to them (a la the personal invincibility belief). </p>
<p>However, a very intelligent kid realizes he isn’t invincible and that something could indeed happen to him. So he feels more fear than the average child. I had one like this. When he was 4, he was really concerned about the Gulf War and made note of any body counts in the news. It was critical that the US be winning. Other moms thought I must have been letting him watch too much violence on TV or too many news programs. Actually, my son was already reading and would read the newspaper articles about the war. What helped him was seeing that I listened and expressed some concern, but did not dwell on the details too much and then directed his focus on his own activities for the day. Your son is older and won’t be so easily distracted. But maybe he could investigate what charities have been started to help the victims and in that way join forces with the “responders.” That might give him a feeling of control.</p>
<p>If you think getting involved might make him more anxious, then perhaps he should see a counselor for a few sessions.</p>
<p>Or perhaps the background level of crime and violence has gone down, so that each incident becomes more unusual and newsworthy, and the 24/7 news cycle maximizes each incident?</p>
<p>With all of these bombings, shooting, etc. going on, I feel we have become desensitized. </p>
<p>Perhaps, innocence can’t be kept. Mayhaps it’s shouldn’t be kept past a certain age. Once you lose it, it’s easier to cope with the happening of our “world”.</p>
<p>Keeping a child sheltered will make the matters worth. OP, perhaps you should work with your son and help him understand rather than allowing the fear to inhibit him.</p>
<p>Speaking from a “90s” child point of view, there isn’t an “Oh, the horror!?” reaction when hearing about tragedies like this. Recently in my school they started to padlock all the exiting gates an doors to our school. Preventing anyone from entering or leaving the buildings. Openly, my teacher said, “They’ll learn this is a stupid protocol when someone brings a gun.” Everyone in the class agreed. No one objected and said it was inappropriate or that such a thing wouldn’t happen. We all knew it very much could. Just last year a kid brought a gun to school and got pretty far. I’m not saying shootings or bombings aren’t a big deal, but it’s “more expected” I guess you could say.</p>
<p>Collegeshopping, I so understand the heartache you must feel for your sensitive boy. It does indeed engender a bit of a helpless feeling, not knowing how to calm his fears. You’ve received some good suggestions here. How parents interpret the world for their children has great impact. It might be a good idea to start aggressively collecting stories/incidences of selfless heroism, and large-scale outpourings of humanitarian love to share with your son. Focusing on those who, instead of hurting innocent people, ran to help them (often risking their own lives to do so) can assure him that there are far more good guys than bad in the world. Point out to him that there will always be people who will protect and care for him, even when you’re not around. </p>
<p>I was an extremely sensitive child, too. As a six year old, I had nightmares from watching the Kennedy assassination, which CBS showed over and over in slow motion. Then it seemed that Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. were gunned down in quick succession, which I found all the more disturbing after observing the reactions of my family members and extended community. The Nightly News images of Vietnam War carnage in tandem with that day’s body count, the riots in major cities across the country, with images of entire city blocks in flames, while police in riot gear cracked open the skulls of rioters and protestors, and the fear that the Soviets were only a hair’s breadth away from pushing the button down, etc., had me believing the entire world was constantly on the brink of total destruction. I was a nervous wreck throughout much of childhood, and exhibited a lot of physical and emotional symptoms of that distress, including what would later became clinical depression.</p>
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<p>I thought about this also. But, such news stories must seem like something far removed for kids who live in a virtual war zone everyday, the majority of whom fatalistically admit that they don’t really expect to reach adulthood because of gun violence in their neighborhoods. I’ll bet the instances of clinical depression among children in this population hasn’t even begun to be cataloged.</p>
<p>I agree with Collegeshopping who wrote “I think our children’s access to instant information is part of the issue. There is no “protecting” them from the influx of information when they hold the world in their hands via their smartphones.” - plus it is never ending. There is never an opportunity to get away from it, except to literally unplug.</p>
<p>While there was 9/11 and the Gulf War as well as the LA Riots (Rodney King) (we lived in LA) when my D was younger (she’s nearly 25) what I notice lately is the number of casualties. Also, more and more in the US. </p>
<p>I have felt for a long time now that people are angry and frustrated, and there seems to be more and of it.</p>
<p>I have a friend who is a music therapist and another who is an art therapist. Both work remarkably well for those who internalize anguish and anxiety. OP, maybe you could look into some type of outlet for your son like these offer.</p>
<p>I have to agree with other’s, Vietnam and pictures on the news of bodies being blown apart, cold war, Cuban missile crisis, etc, etc., etc. We just didn’t have 24 hour access to news back then is all.</p>