Innocence Shattered

Parent Cafe
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<p>Every generation has horrors.</p>

<p>But, these days are different because of the never ending news stations that are as often a source of rumor and anxiety as they are of actual news.</p>

<p>As a kid, if I missed the 5:00 local news and the 6:00 national news that was it until the 10:00 recap or the newspaper came on the morning. And frankly, even as a young adult, once I read the front page and the comics, that was often it for the day. I rarely turned on the news. </p>

<p>These days, rather than making an effort to watch or read the news I feel as though I have to make an effort to avoid the news barage. Every waiting room everywhere has a news station playing on the flat screen TV mounted so that every chair faces it.</p>

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<p>As for our children, mostly I believe they want to know what to do if something bad happens. There is power and calm to be found in knowing what to do “if”.</p>

<p>We can share information with even our smallest children: Here are the exits. If we get seperated I’ll meet you here. This is who you should call in an emergency. If you need help, look for a “mom” or a “grandmother”. If there is a tornado warning you should do this. If the smoke detectors go off do this. </p>

<p>I believe we also need to teach, every day, that the vast majority of people are good people. Most people are not evil, or even bad. That point gets lost in the noise of the news.</p>

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<p>It may make some sense that your son feels unsafe when he is not with you because he knows that you carry a concealed weapon. I’m not judging or trying to start a political discussion here. Just a psychological and emotional one. He has received the message that his parent, to whom he looks for reliable information about the world, as you have described, has sent him a signal that safety should be equated with carrying a gun.
If you must carry a gun for work, perhaps explain that to him. Knowing that you generally think the world is a safe place will mean a lot.
I know that you gave tried to “tell” him this vision of the world; carrying a gun with you may be transmitting another message.
Good luck helping your son get over this patch. Sending you good thoughts.</p>

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<p>I have really enjoyed reading the suggestions in this thread. I got a frantic call from him last night because I was driving home from Dallas and I travel there often for business and he knows I drive the I-35 corridor. He was worried I was “blown up” from the fertilizer plant in West, Texas and frankly I didn’t even know about it. I was about 60 miles north when the explosion occurred and about 30 miles out when I got the phone call. But I did drive along side the town (it was dark) and the fire appeared out, but as you can imagine, first responders and media were coming from all over and an immense amount of ambulance traffic from West to Waco. The poor little guy is very sensitive and that probably does come from a high intellect that factors in that he is indeed not invincible. I woke him up when I arrived home and we talked about his fears some more, etc. I am planning on calling the school to see if maybe they will start a support type group without calling it such so kids will actually seek it out if they need the support.</p>

<p>About the handgun. I would rather not expose why I carry it but it is job related. He knows I believe 99% of people are good. He knows I feel the world is generally a safe place. He also knows I am a really good marksman (woman) ;)</p>

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<p>Seems to me, if I were you, after the WACO call, I would block his access to the news.</p>

<p>Good luck to you guys.</p>

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<p>I missed the reference to the concealed weapon in the first post.</p>

<p>Collegeshopping. I think testobsessed was absolutely on target when they stated that your carrying a weapon impacts how your child views your world. I think you ought to really give that some thought.</p>

<p>I remember when I was 9 and my brother was 12. It was his first night of babysitting me. We heard sirens and truely believed our parents had been killed in an accident. Our imaginations went wild at that age.</p>

<p>I think too much talk about this stuff for anyone is bad. But for young kids they should be reassured and redirected. Even a 13 yr old.</p>

<p>Kids this age don’t turn on the news, even in 2013. They play video games, games and watch cartoons and stupid TV.</p>

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<p>Collegemom-- Dallas Texas dad here. </p>

<p>My approach with a high intellect child was living and espousing risk management and letting him do things rather than always protecting him from every risk. </p>

<p>He wanted to take Tae Kwon Do at age 5. OK. He took until he was 14. He got jumped from behind by a classmate at school once. I was surprized he did not strike the kid. He said he did not feel at risk for several reasons but specifically mentioned that he had not lashed out because he had taken blows in TKD in sparring and contests. </p>

<p>Two guys robbed him on the way back to his apartment in college. They took the little cash he had and his phone. He told me he assessed whether he could out run them and get inside his apartment. He felt there was not enough distance to out pace them and get into the apartment with his key. He turned and faced them and came out “safe.”</p>

<p>We did outdoors things starting when he was young–cave crawling/exploring, whitewater rafting, horse packing into the Rocky Mountain Nat’l Park to camp alone for 3 days; boogie boarding, hang gliding and parasailing in NZ. Everytime we used reputatble outfitters/guides. Everytime we used the correct equipment. </p>

<p>When (inevitably) someone died on one outing, we discussed the managed risk issues. I suffered a sever bout of altitude sickness when he (age 11) and I were left at 13,600 feet on the packing in trip. I couldn’t walk and night was falling. I had set up the tent earlier. I told him that he should come in the tent and get some sleep, but if the next morning he could not wake me he HAD to leave me and should get on the path heading back to the put in point, use the walking stick to tap trees etc. so not to come up on bears. I recovered by the next morning, but we talked about it later. He knew what he had to do and how to do it.</p>

<p>We also traveled to areas where you needed to rely on street smarts. We discussed the potential for crime, etc. During and after college he has solo back-packed in Laos, Cambodia, Thailand and Malayasia. This June and July he is headed out to Peru and Colombia with a stop over to visit a girl he knows in Mexico City. </p>

<p>IMO-- you can help teach a child about risk and risk/fear management. They can learn how to live with risk.</p>

<p>sax–Texas is a BIG gun state and 2nd only to Florida in the number of concealed carry permits. Many kids have parents who carry. Even more live around guns at home. I doubt that those dots connect. Heck the 55 year old lady friend my wife walks with most mornings carries on their walks.</p>

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<p>07DAD, I am not a parent, but I really admire your approach. I bet it was really great growing up with a parent like you!</p>

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<p>I also believe many of our youngsters are over-exposed to violent news. My S would voraciously read the newspaper cover to cover from when he was 7 years old. We did NOT have the news channel on unless there was a particular reason (like briefly for 9-11, Japan Tsunami, and a few other things). I personally think limiting viewing of televised images of horror and tragedies is helpful.
No one in this household carries a concealed weapon, which would also be a heightened risk to me and all of us.</p>

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<p>07DAD good points. I am looking through the fog of my suburban middle class lifestyle :)</p>

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<p>A few things. We have stopped allowing the watching of news. This I am sure will help. The problem with explosion story is that the kids were watching network TV and they did an emergency broadcast. No way to predict that.</p>

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<p>Unfortunately this is not possible. I’d rather not elaborate, but NOT possible.</p>

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<p>I admit that I haven’t read the whole thread, but we Baby Boomers grew up with the assassinations of the Kennedys and MLK, with Vietman on the news every night, with athletes murdered at the Olympics. In the more distant past, kids were taken with their parents to watch public executions. If you were the child of one of the Pilgrims you might, on a regular basis, walk by the head of a murdered Native American left on a spike. 150 years ago, many Americans were either enslaved or enslaved others. Humans are brutal and violent. I think that the innocence of each generation is shattered at some point.</p>

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<p>Our S claimed his faith in humanity was shaken (not shattered) when his wallet and cell phone were stolen when S left them unattended at U’s gym. :smirk:</p>

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<p>Some years are harder than others. Some locations are harder than others (we are within 50 miles of Columbine and Aurora). But ultimately much depends on how the characteristics of a specific kid. </p>

<p>Yourkids sounds like a sensitive soul. That’s a good thing in many ways. But it also means added anxiety. It is good you are keeping an eye on that. Perhaps at some point a counselor could help him learn to deal with it better.</p>