<p>Somehow, I’ve managed to hold down jobs very successfully since I was 16 even with my parents cheering me on at games :rolleyes: I’m sorry, I just can’t wrap my mind around how parents cheering on their kids could ever be a bad thing. Screaming at the coach because your kid isn’t playing? Yeah, I definitely see that as a problem. Rahrahing in the stands? Where is the harm in that?</p>
<p>I think Reviving Ophelia is a very good read. I just had a hard time relating to it. It helped me quite a bit though in my work- working with young women who have lost themselves. It’s a very good resource guide for anyone working in that age group. </p>
<p>There’s one for men too but for the life of me I can’t remember the name of it.</p>
<p>Seahorses, why does it have to be an either/or thing? My kids have been involved in plenty of activities that don’t involve cheering. And even in those that do, it’s not like Mommy is hovering over them. Have you ever been to a cross country meet? It’s 5k. So most of the time they are off in the woods somewhere slogging through the course. And in dance, the audience doesn’t applaud every little thing. </p>
<p>My kids are both self sufficient and resilient. I don’t think they have suffered because of my presence on the sidelines or in a darkened theater. And I’m certainly not the only parent there anyway.</p>
<p>Also, to your point about the kids who do stage crew/lighting/etc. I know MANY “theater parents” whose kids do exactly that and never have stage roles. They get every bit as excited about the school productions as the parents of the actors.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s a good idea to ALWAYS lay all the blame on anyone in particular’s door. We are a complex combination of our experiences, our genetics, and the interaction of us with those in our world. The young adults I know are mostly handling as best they can in this tough economy, not beating up on themselves or others. </p>
<p>Personally, I can’t see how cheering our kids in their efforts–athletic, artistic, academic, or other can be a bad thing. I CAN see problems if we intervene on their behalf and fight their battles for them, but those are NOT the same to me AT ALL. Blaming parents because they cheered their kids seems WAY too simplistic and insulting.</p>
<p>I have cheered my kids whenever I could and still do. I have made them handle their health and other challenges, providing transportation as needed and only intervening when forced by the HS. My kids are very resiliant as a result of their experiences and pretty happy as far as we can tell. :)</p>
<p>sally305, I love your post. I completely agree.</p>
<p>Seahorses and everyone else - this article is NOT about cheering your kids on. Of course it’s fine to cheer for your kids in sports, drama or anything else that traditionally involves an audience. Nowhere does this guy say you shouldn’t be supportive of your child!</p>
<p>What’s NOT ok is to complain to the coach about playing time, or push to have your kid included on a team they’ve been cut from. It’s not ok to try to “fix” everything that happens in your kids’ life, and attempt to soften or remove the consequences of a poor decision.</p>
<p>There is a difference between fixing something because of poor choice vs being treated unfairly because…</p>
<p>When D1 was studying abroad, the Uni failed her on a class which was a weeder class for their business school. They could only take X number of students due to budget, so it was to their interest to fail anyone they didn’t want to take. D1 was not advised of such thing from her home school. Maybe she should have done more due diligence, but as a 19 year old, it wasn’t something she could have anticipated. I had a long thread about this on CC. I stepped up and fixed it for her. I had many discussions with her dean at home and even with the academic dean at the other Uni. </p>
<p>D1 had a problem with peeping Tom at her new school apartment. She needed to get out of her lease so she could move to a new apartment.</p>
<p>D2 also had various issues in high school, but not so much in college yet.</p>
<p>D1 is 24 now. She is very independent and self sufficient, but she knows we are around if she should need some help. As the youngest person on her desk at work, she is the most organized person. At one point, her MD asked her if she ever get unraveled. She said only on the inside.</p>
<p>I do agree that it is inappropriate for parents to complain to the coach or instructor because their kids didn’t get the best part, but the coach and instructor are not always professional or fair and I think it is necessary to speak up sometimes. Parents could coach their kids on what to say or do, but when they are young it is not easy for them to go against an adult, especially when someone is of authority figure.</p>
<p>Read a great book about allowing boys to be human - sensitive, etc - and why they may not be. Raising Cain. Is that possibly the book you were referring to, Roman?</p>
<p>Definitely agree that cheering your kid on is not the same as knocking down their every wall.</p>