<p>May be close minded and racist (and lots of people agree with you), Karthiksmart, but it isn’t illegal to hold such views. </p>
<p>Choosing a partner is not like renting an apartment…</p>
<p>youre right allmusic maybe its not illegal. </p>
<p>but its down right wrong.</p>
<p>If the father overreacts the daughter will make it into something more than it is. I speak from experience. I dated a hispanic boy in the 70’s. My mom had a fit. It was terrible. I hung onto him for over a year out of spite. Looking back I realize my mom not liking him made it all the more appealing. The big question is is he a good person with goals or a street thug. Unless he is a street thug let it go for now. I would talk to my husband privately and make sure he does not say something dumb.</p>
<p>Tell your friend to ask her husband what is THE most important thing about the guys his daughter dates. I would hope it would be the way that he treats her. If she has found someone she likes and he is good to her, Dad should be very thankful.</p>
<p>Karthiksmart:</p>
<p>In my (mostly vicarious) experience, parents getting upset about their children dating people of other ethnicities is common in most Asian cultures, as well. (I agree with you that it’s inappropriate, too, but that doesn’t make it rare.) Many (not all) South Asian families care a lot about their children marrying other South Asians, and often religion, regional differences, and even caste can come into play. Chinese and Korean families vary a lot, too – many don’t care, and many care deeply. One of my cousins was involved with a Korean woman for three years (both in their mid-20s) and never met her parents, because the parents were so upset about the relationship. And Japanese society is famously intolerant of mixed-culture children. Another cousin of mine lived in Japan for 12 years, and had several long-term relationships with Japanse men, but ultimately concluded that none of the Japanese men in her social/professional set would consider her a potential marriage partner because she was white.</p>
<p>If anything, I think the US is now (finally) one of the places in the world where race/ethnicity is least an issue in romantic relationships. That doesn’t mean it never comes into play, but most people most places seem pretty nonchalant about it.</p>
<p>I find it ironic that a resident of the Indian subcontinent finds it distasteful that some US citizens are uncomfortable with their kids possibly marrying someone from a different racial background.
<a href=“NYU News”>NYU News;
What part of India are you from where you are surprised re prejudice?
Or is it that you believed the US press kit- that everyone is “equal”, here?</p>
<p>KS, there’s enough racism to go around. There are plenty of Asian parents, whether East or South, who are dismayed when their off-spring date non-Asians. And, out of curiosity, what’s it like for a Brahmin to date an Untouchable in India these days? The reality as opposed to the legality?</p>
<p>TheDad, Emerald, and JHS are absolutely CORRECT in their perspective on the marriage PREFERENCES of many cultures from Asia and India. I won’t say that all folks from the region feel that way, but their bias is certainly no news.</p>
<p>Conyat, I understood your reference when you used the term “mulatto” and I was not disturbed. Historical context is always important and usually necessary. For example, the “tragic mulatto” figure in literature and bad historic plays and bad movies. “Dorothy Dandrige/Carmen Jones” anyone?</p>
<p>Folks, the truth is that there is remains significant and quite depressing bigotry in our nation. Witness “Ya Face’s” mindless statements. Will it keep me up at night, no, because in my personal conduct I strive to avoid actions that demean people so.</p>
<p>CityGirlsMom, I liked everything you said. I’m certain that you’re just as engaging in person.</p>
<p>I always tell my girls to marry whomever they please as long as the potential partner doesn’t have citizenship or close ties to another country. I’ve seen several instances over the years of men taking children out of the country and not returning. That heartbreak isn’t possible if the father is connected only to America. Sorry if that’s offensive, but that’s how I feel. (Yes people could go underground in America, but it’s not as difficult to track). Oh, and ZG has dated a black young man whom I adore. I could just squeeze his face off. Everything I’d ever want for her – a few years down the line, though.</p>
<p>I am not convinced that a personal preference for a marriage within the same ethnic/ cultural / religious circle make one a racist. Per wikipedia, racism is a belief or doctrine that differences in physical appearance between people (such as those upon which the concept of race is based) determine cultural or individual achievement, and usually involve the idea that one’s own ‘race’ is superior. But even if such dating preference indeed makes one a racist, I am not sure why many posters imply that the person of color is always a subject of racism in this sort of relationship. In fact, very often its exactly an opposite (see posts #27, 28, 67-70). Indeed, people brought up in more conservative / orthodox upbringings would most likely strongly oppose to interracial marriages.</p>
<p>Which brings me to my next point. I think that marriages within own ethnicity (not just the same race) are imperative for maintaining the very same traditions and heritage, which contribute to diversity that we all enjoy and benefit from at the end. I also think that nurturing and maintaining familial heritage and cultural / ethnic values is invaluable and enriching experience for the kids. This would make me extremely sad to see cultural, religious and ethnic differences disappear in several generations as a result of widespread interracial / interethnic marriages. It is very unlikely for the kids to assume and carry on different ethnic / cultural traditions of both parents, and almost improbable to pass them on to their own children. Even when they continue practicing these traditions, they see them at best as an oddity or amusement, at worst as a burden, so they never last.</p>
<p>Personally, I view heritages of not just my own but ANY ethnicity as a treasure, an inspiration, a tribute to your history and people, as well as and obligation to preserve. This does not, of course, make me a racist we have numerous very close friends of different colors, ethnicities and sexual preferences. I enjoy participating and learning about their cultural events and always invite them to join ours. This also does not mean that I do not accept interracial marriages, but I am not indifferent to them, especially on a broader scale.</p>
<p>Maybe it was a typo, but Loving v. Virginia is from 1967, not 1957. </p>
<p>Religion is important to me and I will be disappointed if my grandchildren don’t share my faith. That doesn’t mean I’d refuse to talk to a child of mine who married outside our faith, but I would be disappointed. When someone asked my D how I would react if she dated someone African-American, she answered “Is he Catholic?” That about sums it up. </p>
<p>And, as a parent whose off-spring attended NYC public magnets, I’d say that generally it was Asian immigrant parents who were most likely to object to inter-racial dating, especially if the other person was African-American. But then my D had a beautiful African-American friend whose parents made it very, very clear that she could never bring home anyone who wasn’t African-American.</p>
<p>But then my D had a beautiful African-American friend whose parents made it very, very clear that she could never bring home anyone who wasn’t African-American</p>
<p>One of the reasons why some kids from the southend of Seattle- which is more minority than the central area, transferred to my Ds school was because both Asian and AA kids reported on getting flak ( from peers) for having friends outside their “ethnic group” at their neighborhood school.</p>
<p>This is just friends- not even dating- and not even from their parents.
However, most parents I know- would be more concerned with the person and the family than the race.
At least at the dating stage-
I just want to like the parents- although I realize that isn’t my decision.</p>
<p>I’ve read poignant comments from very religious Jewish persons who fear religious mixed marriages portend a decline in Jewish faith and culture. I don’t agree but I do have empathy, and as an earlier poster said, religion and race are different considerations. You see, one of the great things (or aspirations) about America is that we can make our own, new traditions and heritage. I think my core belief (is that redundant?) is that I don’t fret about how my children will lead their lives after I am gone, as long as they try to be virtuous and fair to others.</p>
<p>You see, one of the great things (or aspirations) about America is that we can make our own, new traditions and heritage.</p>
<p>I agree with this
We have friends of “mixed” religious backgrounds, and have participated with them in celebrating their heritage. It is really beautiful to see the acknowledgement of each history coming together- that is America.</p>
<p>I don’t care who my kids date or marry – as long as they are in healthy, respectful, loving relationships. And I don’t agree that multi-racial or bi-racial kids necessarily stand out anymore – my two brothers have bi-racial/bi-ethnic kids, and neither of them has ever experienced any negative reactions. I’m not saying that no one will ever say anything obnoxious to them, but I think in a loving family that discusses these issues, the kids will be prepared (If? When?) it happens. </p>
<p>Also, we grew up on military bases, and many of my friends were mixed race children of marriages that resulted from sailors and marines falling in love all over the world. IMHO – Marry who you love – life is too short to worry about what other people think.</p>
<p>My D just went to the prom with a black senior. He is a great kid, and we certainly didn’t make an issue of his race. However, my husband’s father is a very old, racist, Jewish man. As a member of a minority himself, he should be a little more tolerant. I should send him a nice giant picture of them at the prom! My husband did not tell him, and asked that we not tell him, either. He’s 88 and in failing health, and making a point at this stage is not worth it. But I sure would love to see his face! lol</p>
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<p>Well, it is so much easier to destroy then to built. These heritages evolved over thousands of years and they brought out and preserved the best in our history. What took generations, lives, pain, struggles is this really ours to destroy? Remember, once gone, no one will be able to bring it back this would be indeed a racist dream (I absolutely do not refer to anyone on this forum). Also, no offence to anyone, but its really hard to appreciate something youve never experienced. Imagine if some of us had a sixth sense and tried to describe their experiences to the others. I think you are mistaken intolerance for a sense of identity. Did you ever think why so many black families strongly oppose interracial dating? Yes, they were discriminated against, but they dont want to be patronized and most certainly dont want to disappear as a race, they value their culture and their traditions and they are proud of their history (at least this is my perception, Id appreciate to get some feedback). BTW, I am not religious at all and I regret it very much.</p>
<p>But BTM, not leading a religious life is your choice, apparently! What’s holding you back? Also, if you care to, take a page from some Native American communities [no, not the wealthy casino owners] whom are partially reviving long dormant cultures.</p>
<p>And frankly, for some folks, this comment of yours is frightful; “they…don’t wan’t to dissappear as a race.” To my mind, similar things were said by evil men time and time again, much to the sorrow of many innocent ultimate victims. This is not a personalized criticism of you, but this is how some take dangerous license with such words.</p>
<p>One more point. Specific customs and traditions don’t necessary remain exclusively appreciated by their founders or original adherents. Other communities and individuals can and do appreciate, learn, practice and help preserve the traditions of a group of people different from themselves.</p>
<p>Sorry if I offended anyone certainly did not mean to. Its difficult to get nuances of English language after all, this is not my mother tongue as you can possibly tell. I try to avoid it, but at times I use direct translations.</p>
<p>Well, practicing a religion is certainly very different from being religious it takes a faith. And frankly, being an experimental life scientist does not help either (not that science and religion preclude each other, but I am closely familiar with too many life mysteries having created some with my own hands :)</p>
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<p>This is certainly true and I hope I did not make an impression that I am trying to preclude other communities from preserving traditions of different people I most certainly welcome this. My point is that traditions get lost much more often then preserved in mixed marriages.</p>
<p>I am sad that interracial dating is obviously still an issue for people. Who cares what color a person’s boyfriend or girlfriend is, as long as that person is a decent human being? Not me. And my kids know this.</p>