<p>I had a debate with a co-worker about the sanctity of one’s digital camera.
His D (college soph) picked up stepmom’s camera which was lying on the kitchen counter and scrolled through the pictures. She came upon pictures of her and her sister’s messy rooms (stepmom was about to leave the family due to divorce and was moving out of state with the 10 yr. old step-sibling of the older girls).
Stepmom threw a fit at the invasion of her privacy by the step-daughter, despite her own conduct in memorializing the messy rooms (an issue in the family for many years…). Older sister (May West Point grad) entered in the fray in defense of her sister, proclaiming the stepmonster to be a m…f…b…, which greatly contributed to the serenity of the moment. Without getting into details (lots of history of what I consider abuse of the two older girls by stepmonster), my question here is:</p>
<p>If a digital camera is left out, especially in the household, is it a violation of privacy to look at the pictures?</p>
<p>My husband and I agreed that in OUR house it would NOT be. (one can see what good boundaries WE have by the behavior of our son and dog… )
I just think that in this day and age the girl was not out of bounds looking at the camera. My co-worker (the dad) claims she should not have done it and that it was her fault that things escalated. He did agree that the pictures of the rooms were inappropriate and never did get an “explanation” from his now ex-wife about them. I’m thinking if it was in her purse or drawer, then you don’t look at it, but on the counter??? Fair game in my opinion.</p>
<p>I’ve never thought of looking at pictures in my husband or S’s camera. Neither have ever looked at my pictures. without permission. I don’t think any of us has anything to hide, but it still seems like an invasion of privacy to start scrolling through someone’s camera pictures without permission. I wouldn’t go ballistic if H or S looked at pictures in my camera, but I would feel that they should have asked first.</p>
<p>In the situation that you described, I think that the worst thing that occurred was the name-calling by the stepdaughter. In my book, that was completely unacceptable.</p>
<p>I just wrote a long-ish post on circumstances, motivation, etc., but it got deleted. Since I don’t feel like re-writing it, here’s a summary.</p>
<p>It’s a violation of privacy if:</p>
<ul>
<li>the motivation in looking is not pure.</li>
<li>similar things are expected to be kept private in that home. </li>
<li>the camera is in a purse, bedroom, etc.</li>
<li>the camera is zipped in a case, depending on culture in the household and, again, the motivation of the person who’s looking.</li>
<li>the person suspects that the camera was left out unintentionally.</li>
<li>the person suspects that the camera-owner would like the pictures to be kept private.</li>
</ul>
<p>In my house, I think that it would be most polite to first ask. It would be acceptable for someone to go through a camera lying out if they had already been shown all the pictures (i.e. family vacation pictures are all kept on one person’s camera; someone wants to see them and the camera owner isn’t home). </p>
<p>It also depends on the personality of the person involved. My sister is much less concerned with certain types of privacy than I am, which everyone in the family knows. She wouldn’t mind people looking through her camera; I would. My parents would know this pretty well.</p>
<p>If this was a ‘family camera’ left just sitting around I wouldn’t consider it an invasion of privacy. Why would anyone expect a parent, even a step-parent about to depart, to be taking photos they wouldn’t be comfortable with every member of the family seeing? </p>
<p>I agree with ‘corranged’ though that the perspective might be different depending on the specific rules that family traditionally followed.</p>
<p>It sounds like the daughters had suspicion of something on the camera so the whole scenario is dysfunctional. In my house, there wouldn’t be anything on the camera that the kids shouldn’t/couldn’t see, and they wouldn’t be interested in my camera to begin with, so the whole thing would never have happened. There was a reason why the daughter picked up the camera and scrolled through the pics, and that reason is why the whole broo-hah started.</p>
<p>Doesn’t seem to me that “normal” boundaries of acceptability pertain here, even if we could establish what they are. You mention abusive relationships. There is obviously tension. What a mess. </p>
<p>Dad wanting to blame at this point isn’t helping (just my take on it.)</p>
<p>Personally, I would not find it to be an invasion of my privacy for someone to pick up my camera and scroll through the pictures. Then again, I’m not taking sneaky pictures or pictures that I would be ashamed for others to see. I enjoy sharing them with others.</p>
<p>Given that the stepmom and the kids don’t get along, the D’s scrolling through stepmom’s camera does seem like a privacy invasion. It’s not as if they are the Brady family.</p>
<p>As for why the stepmom had pictures of the Ds messy rooms, presumably despite the upcoming divorce, she still lives in the house, and is the lady of the house, so while I think it’s odd that she took pictures of the Ds’ rooms, I don’t think that it’s something to go ballistic over.</p>
<p>My impression was that she took pictures of the messy rooms in order to show others (her family, friends) how horrible/messy the daughters were. Very immature and petty, if that is the case.</p>
<p>Whatever the reason, it still doesn’t justify the name that the D called her. While I don’t know the whole story of what has gone on in that family, sounds like the stepmom will be well rid of those daughters. I’m sure the daughters feel the same about the stepmom.</p>
<p>I suspect there have been problems with appropriate boundaries for 10 years, at least. Stepmom invades privacy of stepdtrs’ rooms, stepdts curse. I’d suspect name-calling has been going on for some time, involving everyone.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t like being treated with disrespect, nor would I like a picture of my messy room photographed.</p>
<p>I agree…in OUR house, scrolling through pics on the family camera would not be an issue, though I have to say I would ask before scrolling through my d’s camera. Imho, young adults are a little more protective of the gains in independence and privacy they have made and that should be respected. </p>
<p>But, in this case, given there is hostility between the daughters and stepmom and likely the daughters would have flipped if stepmom had done the same to them, it’s disingenuous for the youngest to believe it wasn’t going to be a big deal. The mitigating factor is if the youngest believed the stepmom had crossed a line and taken pictures that violated her privacy. It still wouldn’t be right to do something that she knew would anger the stepmom, but it is understandable that she did.</p>
<p>And bigger issue… what in the world is wrong with that woman? How childish to take pictures of the girls’ rooms. It’s one thing to be a 19 year old and act immature…but to be a grown woman and mother and act that way?</p>
<p>I don’t fault the older girl for the name-calling. It had gone both ways for a number of years. There was no support for the older girl in particular, even through her military academy appointment and successful term there. The stepmom was within a week of departing- leaving the husband and the girls, so I can understand the hostility. I suspect daddy threw in the towel years ago. I should also mention that the mother of the two older girls died after a drawn out battle with cancer when they were 6 and 9 and stepmom latched onto daddy within a few months. Appears the 9 year old wasn’t all that accomodating!
I suspect the pictures of the room were to show her family and friends what horrors the girls are and what she was subjected to as their stepmom.
I find it an interesting situation. Yes, all are better off with the divorce, but the emotional development of the 10 year old remains to be seen- now far away from her father and older sisters.</p>
<p>Yes, half-sibling. Wife and 10 year old are many states away. Sad situation. The older girls seem solid, much to my amazement. One USMA grad and one ROTC college soph (some impulsivity and probable ADD probably contributed to not thinking before grabbing the camera).</p>
<p>I shouldn’t be amused, but I am. The best that the soon-to-be-ex can come up with is photos of messy rooms? We have numerous pictures of messy rooms with our kids, and on old-fashioned film, at that. Some of them just HAD to be remembered. And fondly at that.</p>
<p>As for the larger issue, I don’t think a digital camera is that private. Isn’t the whole point of taking pictures to share them? </p>
<p>Things that are private: inside of purse, cell phone voice mail and text messages. Some–but not all–forms of email. (Webmail is generally private, for example, while the inbox on a shared computer seems to hold no expectation of privacy.)</p>
<p>It would never occur to me that the contents of a family camera are private…then again, I don’t go looking at the pictures either. In this case, I think there is more to the story than the camera photos.</p>
<p>I think email is definitely private, as well as diaries, text messages, etc.</p>
<p>We don’t have a family camera. If we did, I’d consider it the family’s, and therefore accessible for all to use. Each of us has a personal camera, so I wouldn’t review anyone else’s pictures without permission. I know my kids would consider it a serious invasion of privacy if I looked through their pictures without their knowledge. Even if they leave their cameras in a common area, I find I can resist the temptation to pick them up and hit review. :)</p>
<p>If the family has been dysfunctional for many years, and if the kids have experienced emotional abuse at the hands of this stepmother, I’d say that the oldest daughter calling her a “mfb” was regrettable - but the woman certainly earned it.</p>
<p>Not to get too far off-topic here, but things might have been even worse if stepmom and dad were getting along well. I mean really well. </p>
<p>Let’s just say that back in the Dark Ages, when the only way you could take pictures without submitting them to a photo lab was a Polaroid instant camera, my sister gave one to my husband and me as a wedding present. We had lots of fun with that on our honeymoon, and not all of it consisted of taking pictures of each other in front of tourist attractions. If you know what I mean. I suspect that digital cameras are often used for the same sort of thing.</p>
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