<p>A dear friend is getting married in July. This 28 year old was the first “nanny” for my children when they were in elementary school. She has been a friend for 15 years, belongs to our Synagogue, has been a religious school teacher to my kids, tutored them, stayed weekends while we travelled a bit, etc. Her parents are also good friends. As a result we have been invited to 3 different wedding showers and the wedding. The first shower was quite early and I purchased one of the more expensive items on her registry list (a pair of silver candlesticks), thinking we would give them a $ check for the wedding. Now, I have rec’d 2 more shower invitations and really can’t afford to purchase 2 more gifts (kid in college, one more heading that way next year!!!). I don’t want to show up empty handed at the showers or bring something that seems “cheap” for such a dear friends. Advice???</p>
<p>if you don’t want to show up empty handed, bring flowers for the hosts, and slip in, “wow, this girl is popular, this is my second shower and I have another next month!!!”</p>
<p>the hosts of the party shouldn’t be paying attention to what a guest brings, and if they do, shame on them…</p>
<p>so go, enjoy, bring flowers, or wine, or dessert and don’t worry</p>
<p>good ettiquete is for hosts not to wonder what gifts a guest brings, or when they were given</p>
<p>many people have presents shipped to the brides house or whatever anyway</p>
<p>It seems odd that you keep getting invitations to all these showers. When I was married, I had three showers, one from people at work, one from a neighbor, and one from an old school friend. Each group was different. I did have a couple cross-overs but they were close enough friends that I specifically told them not to bring a gift. Usually the bride has to provide a list or at least help with it, so is this bride providing the same list of people over and over? </p>
<p>At any rate, I don’t think you should have to bring a gift to subsequent showers after the first one. The wedding is different. If people don’t like it, they are the ones being greedy.</p>
<p>I would skip the gift for the host, but buy something as wedding shower gift. It does not need to be the most expensive, just something practical is fine. I would save the nicer gift for your old babysitter, and be cheaper with gift #3 (it sounds like they are not as close as your old babysitter and family), and wedding #1 (where you already purchased candlesticks, and also not as close).</p>
<p>Just to edit, I have seen people give very small gifts at showers (like pot holders). Not everyone brings something valued over a hundred dollars. I would buy something nice for your longstanding babysitter.</p>
<p>I think it absurd to be expected to give multiple gifts- why should a person be expected to keep giving presents everytime someone decides to throw a party for someone</p>
<p>I think flowers would be a nice gesture for the hosts, why not, if they are close friends it can be very sweet</p>
<p>and you don’t need to bring a token gift to each event- having 3 showers is over kill anyway, and if the bride is disappointed that she didn’t get 4 gifts from one person, then the bride has some issues, but I don’t think she will be, it is the company that matters anyway</p>
<p>I wouldn’t bring a gift to each shower- just a card- or I would bring something inexpensive but not “cheap”</p>
<p>Something useful for her house- but not a big expense-
Or something meaning ful- like a framed picture of your kids when they were little and a note from each of them- or a letter from you speaking to what her friendship has meant and your wishes for her and her husband for the future.
A book that has meaning to you-</p>
<p>I didn’t have a registry or even more than one shower- and I could have used the loot, but still I think personal things are much more treasured
( but the candlesticks sound pretty nice too- how about a box of candles and a lighter?)</p>
<p>I would do what EK suggests. Something inexpensive, but not “cheap”.</p>
<p>Also, if you have a garden, I have a friend who comes over with flowers from her garden when she wants to give something. She doesn’t purchase them. She also made items at home and gave them to my kids when they were little.</p>
<p>blucroo, I’m confused by northeastmom’s posts. I thought this was one bride-to-be who is being honored at three showers. Correct?</p>
<p>I think that’s nuts. If there is more than one shower, the guest lists should be composed of completely different groups. I think it would be very rude of the family to expect one guest to keep attending showers with gifts in hand. In fact, I was raised with the strict rule that showers are thrown by the bride’s friends, and family did not take part as hosts. Otherwise, it appears to be a crass attempt to beg for more gifts. Do you really WANT to attend two more showers for the bride? They can be rather boring ways to spend an afternoon. I’d send regrets & say how much I was looking forward to seeing everyone at the wedding.</p>
<p>Gosh…I think inviting the same guest to three different showers is wrong, though I’m sure the bride has only the best intentions. In our region, it is customary to register… and once a wedding invitation is received, a gift is purchased through the registry and delivered to the bride’s home. Gifts are generally not taken ‘in hand’ to wedding showers (or to receptions) unless it is a theme shower (ex…kitchen) where only very small, inexpensive gifts are expected. </p>
<p>Three showers were held for me prior to my wedding (back in the olden days… ;)). One was hosted by friends of my parents and it was strictly cocktails and a way for the ‘parent set’ to meet my intended. One large gift was presented to us by the hosts and it served as their wedding gift to us as well. Another shower was hosted by my bridesmaids and at that time, I presented THEM with their bridesmaid gifts and they presented me with their gift which also served as their wedding gift. A third shower was hosted by our friends and it was definitely our age group only. Gifts were not expected as all had purchased gifts through the registry. </p>
<p>In the op’s case, I would not feel the least bit odd about attending the shower ‘empty-handed’. One gift for the occasion (the marriage) is all that should be expected regardless of the number of events celebrating the occasion.</p>
<p>Do you really WANT to attend two more showers for the bride? They can be rather boring ways to spend an afternoon.</p>
<p>True OMG
I had forgotten since it has been awhile- one summer however- three friends got married the same summer- practically the same people at each shower-
stupid party games-
gah- I could feel my brain cells dying :(</p>
<p>I thought that these were 3 different brides to be, each having a shower. It sounds like the old babysitter has the closest relationship to blucroo, but a more expensive shower gift had already been purchased for another bride. If I confused posters, I apologize.</p>
<p>Blucroo, do you have Half Price Books there? You can find a very nice, new book there for very little money, under $10. You could buy her a cookbook or homecare book or something else relating to her interests. They also have lots of notecards and blank books. If you want to attend the other two showers, you could get two inexpensive but appropriate gifts for $20-25 there. I buy lots of gifts there.</p>
<p>I’m assuming it’s one bride, 3 showers. Go to the one you think more people you know will attend. Decline the others. No additional gifts necessary.</p>
<p>I, too, would consider skipping showers #2 and #3. However, if you do go, I would consider bringing “presents from the heart.” Framed photos of her when she was nanny to your kids; “journal” books/scrapbooks with photos/memories of the different times they spent with her - I did on of these for a friend of 50 years - each page a different memory - some poignant, some funny, etc.</p>
<p>Oh, wow, I reread the OP. Wow, 3 showers for one bride! I am so sorry that I did not undersand your initial post. I think that you only need to attend one shower, but if you go to the other 2, I think that the one gift is enough!</p>
<p>As a current bride-to-be, who presumably should be swept up in the whole “it’s my special snowflake princess butterfly day!” madness, I think three showers with overlapping guest lists sounds very tedious for the guests.</p>
<p>Sounds like everyone is on the same page here. Passing on the duplicate/triplicate showers is certainly one option, and easily solves the “multiple gifts” issue. I am suspecting that as you know the bride-to-be though several channels, that is why you ended up on several guest lists (one of the consequences of being popular, I guess ). Seriously, if the showers are hosted by different people, it probably wasn’t intentional that you received multiple invitations. Are the “themes” the same at each? Usually oneis a “kitchen” shower, on is a “linens” shower, etc. Since you were already more than generous with your first gift, a “token” gift for the other two, if you choose to attend, is reasonable.</p>
<p>Here’s an idea. How about some pretty candles to go in the candle holders? Then you can say something in the card about their being intended for the candlesticks, and that way everyone knows what you’ve already given her. Oops-- I just saw that EK already suggested this. I think its a brilliant idea!</p>
<p>I’m also with EK about the # of parties to attend. I don’t think I could stomach 3 showers, unless there was a LOT of wine and cheese before those silly hat-made-out-of-bows party games begin. I’d go to 2 at most, and RSVP in the negative to the third. Whose gonna know? Besides, just because you were invited doesn’t mean you have to attend. Be flattered that they included you so often. But, hold onto your wallet!</p>
). Seriously, if the showers are hosted by different people, it probably wasn’t intentional that you received multiple invitations. Are the “themes” the same at each? Usually oneis a “kitchen” shower, on is a “linens” shower, etc. Since you were already more than generous with your first gift, a “token” gift for the other two, if you choose to attend, is reasonable.</p>