Okay so there’s this guy that I have been going back and forth with for about a month. The only thing is, he is 7 years older than me. Is that too big of an age difference for someone who is a freshman in college or should I follow my heart lol? The feeling is mutual and he hasn’t pressured me into doing anything and knows my stance with regards to copulation (I’m waiting). So any advice? I mean I know my parents would be really pissed if they knew but I’m in college now so I feel as this would be my decision. Thanks!
My parents are 11 years apart and my dad’s parents were 11 years apart as well, haha. I think as long as you’re careful that it’s fine. The older you get, the less weird it will be
As a parent of college aged kids, the 7 year age difference alone would not be my primary concern. My main concern would be if dating someone that much older would take away from your embracing of the whole college experience as a freshman. Is he a graduate student on campus? Or is he someone with no connection to your university that would cause you to spend too much time off campus? Are you involved in campus activities and campus friendships? Those are the types of things I would be concerned about in addition to the typical parental worries of is he a nice person and is he treating you well?
I agree with doschicos. That seven years becomes nothing in post college years but can be an issue “socially” during young adulthood. If he “fits” well with your activities and your friends and vice versa the age difference isn’t as different as there are absolutely “young” 25 year old men whose heads are still as college students and there are 25 year old men who are surrounded by married couples planning families and work/careers which would present emotional obstacles.
I’m involved in a lot of campus activities, I spend most of my time on campus, and I am pretty social. It’s interesting, I decided that I wouldn’t spend time dating as a freshman, but I really like this guy. He’s very sweet, a gentleman, funny, and is really mature. I feel like I relate to him so much more than the guys my age. He’s done with grad school (didn’t go to Northwestern) but he lives in the area and is looking for more than sex and partying I appreciate that.
I think 18 vs 25 is a big difference, 25 vs 32 not so much.
@momofthreeboys Well he is the later. He’s almost done with his residency.
Also, if you’re son/daughter comes home and tells you they are with someone 7 years their senior, what do you tell them? Do you make them break it off?
It’s a big difference - not so much in years as in life experiences. As others have said, 7 years is nothing when you are 30 and he is 37. More of an issue right now. The potential for a significant power imbalance is the concern. However, if he is treating you well, he fits in with your life (i.e. neither of are not making unreasonable sacrifices to spend time together), and you share interests and values, at least as far as you can tell right now, why not see where it takes you?
I had a 10 year difference in age with the man I dated at 21. Eventually his desire to marry and start of family, and his vision of what that meant, when I wasn’t ready to even think about it, became a significant issue and we both needed to move on. Could we have predicted this in advance? Maybe, but I don’t regret the time I gave to that relationship. I doubt you’ll regret this one either so long as it’s being conducted respectfully and on your terms.
My daughter had a long distance high school romance with a boy 2 years/1 grade ahead of her. I didn’t like it because I thought she was missing too much of high school fun things. She now regrets it.
She is now dating a boy 6 years older (she’s 19, he’s 25). The biggest problem is that he is not in college, and now has moved to a town about 2.5 hours from her school. Again, I think she is wasting her time and missing a lot of fun things at school, dances at her sorority, etc. He has some college and wants to return, and he doesn’t seem that old, but I honestly don’t see what she has in common with him.
So I’m not insisting she break up with him, but I’m not happy, and I don’t like all the time she wastes going to visit him. She’s leaving for an internship next semester, and that will be challenging as neither will have time or money to visit the other 2000 miles away.
almost done with residency?
He’s 7 years older than you. If you’re 18, then he’s 25. How would he almost be done with residency? Are you saying that he finished med school when he was 21/22???
It’s never a good idea for parents to order their adult aged kids to break up, but if you know that your parents will be upset, then only you know how they’ll react.
I remember your earlier posts. Your mom is kind of dramatic and shoots from the hip. Would she refuse to pay for school?
@mom2collegekids Idk the exact time left, but he’s more than half way through. He also isn’t 25, but I won’t disclose his age or my age or birthday for confidentiality reasons.
But it seems as though the consensus is that this is something I should avoid or put off. It’s okay for us to be friends right? Or would it be best to completely end contact to avoid leading him on or putting each other in an awkward position?
@mom2collegekids Well she met my dad at a fairly young age and she got married at 25. So I’m not sure she would flip. I’m not gonna take a chance and try to see her reaction though lol
You’ve just known him for a month. Are you seeing him that often that you really need to think this far ahead?? If heis in residency he must now have much time to see you! I think it sounds like you’re rushing things and are you confused? He finished grad school but he’s almost done with residency?? That doesn’t make sense.
This residency thing is confusing. Is he getting an MD or is he done with grad school/finishing postdoc? My biggest worry would be my kid falling head over heels and not finishing college when the older BF decides to take a job elsewhere after finishing whatever training he is doing now.
To me, a 7 year age difference is ok when you’re older but it seems problematic at your current age. As a mom of a college sophomore, I’d have a problem with the age difference and would wonder why a 25 year old medical resident would be romantically interested in someone so much younger and likely less experienced.
This is not about his residency and I don’t feel comfortable disclosing the specifics of his academic and medical career. That’s aside from the point.
@abasket Well I’m not talking about marrying him lol. I was just talking about being in serious relationships at a very young age.
@BunsenBurner I would NEVER leave college for a man. Ever.
I dated men that much older than me when I was a freshman in college. After a while, they proposed. I wasn’t ready to get married. The relationships ended. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I always dated “older” and it didn’t seem to bother my parents. I have no clue why. If they were still alive, I’d ask what on earth they were thinking. Probably they were just picking their battles with me.
One guy suggested we marry and I drop out of school and manage his law office. That scared me right off.
Well Cali, that’s just it - thinking about a serious relationship after only knowing/seeing him a month! That’s a worry!
If you don’t want to disclose, I surely understand that - but I have to wonder what to believe (from you) when you in a very short amount of time on this thread make reference to grad school and residency and almost being done with residency - if you don’t want to disclose why did you share those things - whether they are true or not.
Best of luck to you. And maybe ask yourself why you are asking US about the age difference - are you doubting it yourself? If you are concerned about your parents/family…really think about if you want to have to hide a relationship - that becomes very awkward whether you are near to home or not.
I wonder about the circumstances of the initial meeting. How does a college freshman cross paths with someone like a medical resident 10 years older?
Have you met any of his friends? Looked at his Facebook or Linkedin?
It just seems odd - is he who he tells you he is? Or is he a weirdo who has a fascination with young women who look like high schoolers?