Look at the age gap as a percentage of your own age. 7 years is equal to one third of your entire life.
If you’re too young to even order a glass of wine in a restaurant, then a 7 year gap is too much.
I’m 24, soon to be 25. It would feel very strange dating an 18 year old. I’m not saying it can’t work, and I’m not saying that I don’t have 18 year old friends (I do, ones I’ve met through school), but it’s just such a different place in life.
And yes, I’d judge my friends if they were dating someone that young. My grandparents were over 10 years apart. My parents are 5. However, they met at a later stage in life when a gap like that isn’t a big deal. At 18, you’re just getting out of high school and 7 years after that, you’ve had college plus post-college (or post-undergrad). That’s just such a change.
I don’t have any problem with a serious relationship at 18 (I was in one) fwiw.
JMO.
I agree that age differences between someone who is just starting college and someone who has gotten a degree and moved onto a new stage or their life is a BIG difference. As was said, it creates a significant power imbalance in the couple.
That said, I also agree that once both people have completed their bachelor’s degrees and are in the workforce, age differences are less important. In the interest of full disclosure, my H is considerably older than I am, but we mete when we were both in the workforce, after I had completed by bachelor’s & law degree. When I was in college, I did date a grad student when I was an undergrad (we lived in the same dorm). It worked OK & we were pretty serious until he moved on to teach at a different U & I moved on to go to law school.
IMO, I think the age gap matters more when you’re younger. The age gap here is big enough that he can legally consume alcohol and such. When it’s much older, the difference doesn’t seem to matter too much.
As a fellow young person, I would be cautious about dating someone who is nearly a third of my age older than I am. Especially during freshman year of college. Lots of older men gravitate towards freshman college girls, as some sort of sport.
Be careful that you’re not one of the victims of this hunt. Other than that, your life is your own, just tread with caution.
(Just for the record, the oldest I’ve dated is a girl who was only 3 years older than me. That was kind of awkward, since she was a senior, and I was only a freshman. Felt a lot like I was being “taken care of”, if that makes sense?)
I don’t know why a man that age would have an interest in dating someone just out of (or still in) her teens. You may be extraordinarily mature or have some special connection with him that transcends age, but how would he have known any of that when he first sought you out? He was looking for a young girl–why? There could be some kind of power angle, or perhaps he’s very insecure with women his own age. In any case, there are red flags, and I’d be wary.
And no, if you stop dating, you can’t still be friends. Sigh, that’s such a girly concept. He wasn’t looking for a friend when he originally connected with you, was he? So why would he want you as a friend now? At best, you’d be annoying him or impeding a subsequent relationship (how happy would you be to have a boyfriend who was still “friends” with a bunch of exes?). At worst, you’d be sending a mixed signal that there’s still a romantic relationship in the offing. A clean break is always best.
Seven years is not a big gap, just go ahead and stop worrying over it.
This is kinda strange, though:
Mid-20s guys who like 18-19 year olds are not weirdos!
Perhaps you can watch “Liberal Arts”, Josh Radnor’s film.
If he’s more than halfway through residency, he’s not 7 years older. He’s more like 10-12 years older.
Here’s what Abbott and Costello had to say about age differences:
Abbott: You’re 40 years old, and you’re in love with a little girl,
say 10 years old. You’re four times as old as that girl.
You couldn’t marry that girl, could you?
Costello: No. ?
Abbott: So you wait 5 years. Now the little girl is 15, and you’re 45.
You’re only three times as old as that girl.
So you wait 15 years more.
Now the little girl is 30, and you’re 60.
You’re only twice as old as that little girl. ?
Costello: She’s catching up. ?
Abbott: Here’s the question. How long do you have to wait before you
and that little girl are the same age?
Costello: What kind of question is that? That’s ridiculous.
If I keep waiting for that girl, she’ll pass me up.
She’ll wind up older than I am.
Then she’ll have to wait for me!
Are you 18 yet? In one of your previous posts in the spring you talked about being 17 and not being able to find a job. Have you had much dating experience?
In general, I don’t think most people have a problem with age differences. It’s the life experience differences that might make some people pause. If you are very young for college, inexperienced with dating and just embarking on a new chapter in your life then it probably isn’t a good idea to date someone seven years older.
And I do wonder why a post graduate man would be interested in a 17 or barely 18 year old young woman.
What about a 27 year old who is half way through medical residency, and a college freshman who is still 17 - you would find that normal?
Are you a parent or a mid-20s male student?
I am an elderly parent, but many years ago I was a mid-20s graduate student, and I dated an 18 year old, with seemingly no ill effects on either side.
What, that didn’t sound romantic?
There’s calculator for a sound age difference. Divide your age by 7. That gives the maximum age difference. For 18 years old that would be 2-3 years max.
How do we know Cali is 18? She just said she was a college freshman and that there is a 7 year age difference. A college freshman may usually be 18, though not always.
I dated older men, too, and my folks didn’t care. I think they wanted me to get married and settle down. But I sure wasn’t ready for that, so the relationships never went anywhere.
Just be careful, Cali. Make sure you put your needs first. Finish school. If he is a keeper, he will wait.
Calicash has mentioned in other threads that she just graduated from high school 2015.
So, if she was delayed a year, started a year late, and has had a birthday since graduation she could potentially be a young 20? Just saying that people are making some assumptions here, and expanding her 7 year age difference to 10 years.
It is hard to give advice on the little information that she has given us. That doesn’t mean we should assume facts that aren’t there.
^^^I had a friend who graduated high school at 20 (she was very bright -went to MIT), but just with moving from another country, or maybe a late birthday as well - the point is, it does happen
In a a post in June of this year, Cali stated that she was 17. I get paid by a well known search engine to evaluate web page content. When content is unclear, I have to research. I can’t help myself. 