@jym626 - I don’t know about federal government agency and if they have to follow state laws when it comes to insurance. A friend of mine is living with his GF in PA. She is a teacher and she can’t get him on her insurance as a domestic partner.
@CupCakeMuffins - I laughed about your comment about paying off his loans…I don’t want him to get married quite THAT badly. LOL.
Seriously - he makes an amazing salary and had calculated that he could pay off his loans in less than three years. We paid all tuition and expenses for private school and private college and he knew from the start that anything beyond that was on him.
Since my original post, I’ve given more thought to my reasoning - all of it selfish:
First, as a few others have mentioned - I want grandchildren! 
I have a lot of baggage with this one because my own parents died young and never met any of their grandchildren, so maybe I have a more exaggerated feeling of my mortality and wanting to have what they didn’t get. I had my kids in my 30’s so while that’s not “old”, I wasn’t a “young” mom either and I want time with them (if any - I know I’m being presumptuous here, but they both have indicated that they want children) while I’m young-ish and vital.
Second, I really like this young woman and it is clear that she likes our family and fits in well. I have a terrible relationship with my MIL so having a good relationship with DIL matters to me.
Also - I know that they don’t need to get married for a permanent relationship nor does marriage guarantee one. I guess even though I generally consider myself on the liberal side politically, I’m kind of conventional in certain ways.
And finally (if you’ve read this far 
) I keep all of these thoughts to myself. I don’t want to cause any tension in the family; I’m using this forum as my “safe space” and to see if I’m out of line or if I have some virtual allies in this area. So thanks for being my sounding board, whether you understand/agree or not.
I don’t think marriage is going out of style for young people, particularly if you are taking regional cultures into consideration. D1 was raised in Texas, went off to college in North Carolina. Her bf was raised in Iowa, went to college in Virginia. They met in Wyoming and have moved several times together while D1 pursued her Ph.D and post doc education. They seem to share fairly liberal philosophies. DH and I would not have been surprised at all if they had decided that marriage was antiquated and decided to just remain domestic partners. But much to our surprise, they did get engaged, had a very small wedding and reception here, then another larger party at groom’s home town. They have now completely combined finances (another surprise) and are quite happy. Most of their paired up friends have also married.
D2 plans to marry eventually, and almost all of her friends and her bf’'s friends seem like minded, if not already married.
D2 is about to graduate with her MBA and has already finished law school and passed the Bar exam. Her bf just arranged a transfer back to Texas from California and they are going to live together a while. We are actually in favor of this as they have not lived in the same town since they began dating several years ago. I think it’s best they see what life in close proximity is like before they tie the knot. So my long winded answer to the question in the OP is no, we are not anxious yet for our kid to marry. 
Who are you referencing, @twoinanddone ? @thumper1 hasn’t posted in this thread yet.
I am glad my s’s both married. It shows a commitment. Could they have used the $ spent on the wedding elsewhere? Sure. But always love to throw a party and despite the stress of wedding planning, its a wonderful time and wonderful memory.
I hear you, there is no harm in wishing for things to happen at the time we consider perfect but life has a way to go at its own pace so hang in there and enjoy the ride.
. As a wedding gift DS#2 gave to his new bride—- he paid off her school loans. Love that kid.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
I can’t believe that 18 short months ago ds1 was a featured player in the children who’ve never dated thread, and now he’s found a great woman, she moved with him to where he started grad school last fall and he plans to move with her for law school when he is done. We just spent a long weekend together for a family wedding, and she fits in seamlessly. We love her parents, too.
Like OP, much of my desire is centered on grandkids … I want to be young enough to enjoy them! But he has a year left in his program and then she’s looking at law school so I am five years out, it seems. So, also like OP, I will vent here and bite my tongue. Though, she did catch the bouquet at the wedding … and gave it to the flower girl before the night was over. lol
My D is 22 and I hope marriage is a ways off for her.
She lives and works in NJ. Her BF, who seems like a great guy, is a PhD student in TN. They are both 22, have been a couple for 1-1/2 years and friends for a couple years before that (met in college). They take turns flying every 5-6 weeks to visit or to meet up somewhere with other friends. D seems happy with the status quo and says BF is, as well.
However, BF’s mom expected them to get engaged at Christmas. She offered her son money for a ring, telling him that she can’t imagine what we (D’s family) think about him “…if things keep going on like this.” I assume she’s referring to the likelihood of premarital sex; his family is super-devout Catholic, whereas we are what’s often called cafeteria Catholics, so maybe that’s why this is significant to her? (It’s a non-issue to me).
Thanks for bringing this topic up, @my2sunz ! Typing this made me realize that while BF’s mom and I have different hopes and expectations regarding marriage, we both just want what we think will make our kids happy.
Not me! Kids are too young IMO (21 & 23).
I settled down at about 22 and have NOT been happily married, so it definitely colors my salty world view.
If your SO is in a serious accident or becomes ill, would you like to see him/her in the hospital? You’re not next of kin.
SO (G-d forbid) dies intestate. Unless your name is on the title to all property, you get nothing. If you’re married, you’re protected.
Not every state recognizes common-law marriage or “palimony”. In case of a split, it’s much messier if you’re just living together. As Judge Judy says, “We don’t have courts for playing married.”
Marriage is a contract that gives each party significant legal rights. Living together doesn’t.
I also find it amusing that getting legally married mattered a whole lot to the group of people who were forbidden from doing so until 2015. But those who could get married didn’t.
Getting married also doesn’t necessarily entail taking out “more loans” - that’s for a big wedding. You can get married without one.
As far as my kid, I’m in the “I hope she finds someone to love” camp.
My oldest D is married (8 years)–I’d love a grandchild, but don’t think that will happen until my son-in-law finishes his dissertation. Youngest D has a boyfriend–they’ve lived together for 7 years. They’ve both recently moved to NYC and are starting careers. Their view is that there’s no reason to get married, unless they’re going to have a kid.
I’m waiting for my kids to start dating! S (age 19) had never had a gf or been on a date; I worry about that. Is it ‘normal’?
I don’t think marriage is just a contract between two consenting parties. To many religious people, it is a covenant. I don’t want my children rushing into that, but sometimes it happens.
^^^^This would drive me nuts too 
I just want my kids to be happy and live the life that they want. If that includes marriage and children, then yay for them! I’d love grandchildren because I love kids. But, if my kids decide not to have children or don’t have them for a long time, I’ll sign up with Big Brothers Big Sisters. That way I can mentor a child who probably could use some attention and a caring adult in their life. But, it’s good not to say anything to your kids. you don’t want to cause them to pull away or not tell you anything because they think you’re nagging or being too intrusive.
I have a co worker who has nagged and still nags her kid about when is he going to get married and have kids. She also complains that he lives on the other side of the country, never calls much and doesn’t share many details about his life. I have another friend who always went on and on about how much she wanted to be a grandma and she also always nagged her D about it as well. Well she now complains that her D always expects her to babysit. Be careful what you wish for! Never a good idea to nag your kids. Loosen the reigns and let them live their lives! As my grandma used to say “you catch more flies with honey then vinegar.” Don’t nag, leave them alone and they may surprise you! I’m all for venting on CC though!
@Midwest67 well said! I know some people who got married young and it didn’t work out. Then again, I do know people who got married very young and it worked. Everyone is different. I think people need to realize marriage is not something that should be taken lightly. It’s a major commitment.
The legal things can all be worked out by putting ‘Pay on Death’ on all bank accounts and insurance documents, by working out powers of attorney, by having a will, by titling property in both names. I know my daughter has her boyfriend listed as a beneficiary on several things. He’d get the dog.
My brother was recently in the hospital and everyone, from surgeons to social workers, spoke to my mother and me openly and without any documents. I was surprised that HIPAA didn’t prevent that, but no one seemed to question it. My friend’s brother was hospitalized last year and never regained consciousness before he died. Again, no one demanded any proof that she was indeed his sister or if there were other relatives who had the right to make any medical decisions. His friends could visit.
@doschicos, there are also estate tax, health care, and other citizenship-related benefits either either for partners or kids. Most of my UK relatives have started out unmarried, had kids, and then decided that it made sense to get married for bureaucratic/tax/citizenship reasons.
ShawD has a lovely BF. His mother believes he hit the jackpot and says, “I sure hope he doesn’t screw this up.” His mom is anxious. We think he is great but aren’t anxious as ShawD is 26.
ShawSon, on the other hand, causes anxiety. We are anxious that he not marry someone who won’t be a good life-time partner. We fear his current GF may not be. He may not be the easiest person to be married to, despite the fact that he is actually caring and romantic. He is brilliant but importantly, for this discussion, driven at a level beyond most people’s experience. He doesn’t care about things (and owns almost nothing) or neatness. Whoever marries him will have a very interesting life, will likely have wealth (his net worth on paper already puts him well into the top 1% at age 29), and will meet interesting people. But, she will have to pick up lots of the slack and worry about the details of life.
Marriage remains extremely popular, but the number of men and women who have never married is rising steadily. Additionally, people are waiting longer to get married.
Estimated median age at first marriage:
[ul][]2019: 29.8 M, 28.0 W
[]2010: 28.2 M, 26.1 W
[]2000: 26.8 M, 25.1 W
[]1990: 26.1 M, 23.9 W
[]1980: 24.7 M, 22.0 W
[]1970: 23.2 M, 20.8 W
[li]1960: 22.8 M, 20.3 W[/ul][/li]https://www.census.gov/data/tables/time-series/demo/families/marital.html
To add to the anecdotes, I’ve been dating a great guy for 4 1/2 years, and we’ve yet to discuss marriage. Neither of us wants kids, so we’re not in a rush. Most of the people in my PhD cohort are still unmarried, for that matter, though we’ve all graduated and gotten jobs.
@momo2x2018 see my post. Ds1 went to senior prom and went out a couple of times with a girl senior year in college. That was it. Nothing serious ever. But here he is at 27 with a great girl three years his junior. My other son always told me that his brother would find THE ONE and that would be it. He was right.