Is Being Non-Social Becoming The Easy Norm???

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. While by my own standards I support limiting daily activities, staying outside for most activities and limiting interactions I have to wonder - are we getting too comfortable not seeing others??

Has the current situation made it convenient for us to avoid others, not make plans of any sort, avoid family or friends??? Has “home” become a truly safe and sacred place so much that we are satisfied to stay behind closed doors?

Again, I SUPPORT and PRACTICE largely still staying at home. But there have been moments where I could probably have participated in a social situation - outside and limited - and I chose to…just not participate.

I am introverted and pretty happy that way. LOL. I go to work a couple of days a week, WFH the other days. Spend lots of time on my own outside. See my mom. See my kids when able. Other than that? Not much effort. I could be arranging other family Zoom calls or virtual card games or whatever - but nope, I don’t see eager to do it.

I see others making choices that make me wonder - is it just easier to be non-social - has this become a crutch of sorts???

(AGAIN, I know some people here are missing some family members TERRIBLY. Of course and I am in your corner!)

I consider myself to be an introvert, but I was climbing the walls back in May. We had such a cold spring that there was no opportunity to be outside or see anyone. Since the warm weather started, I have been taking advantage of as many social activities as possible, though that is not a large number. I know that the opportunities will dry up in a month or so, so I want to get them in while I can. I think rather than becoming more used to/comfortable with being less social, this has made me appreciate those social opportunities more.

Does the current situation make it easier perhaps to turn down participation in things that prior to the pandemic we would have said yes to - even if we weren’t really all that interested??

Plainly, do you find yourself or other using the current situation - as an excuse?

(again, we all have valid reasons for not doing some things!!!)

We are a family of introverts and often use the excuse that it is too people-ey out there. DH is working from home but his job usually requires his presence at evening events, all of which have been cancelled for the foreseeable future. He isn’t broken up about it. We see my parents and that is about it. D20 got dropped off at college 3 weeks ago and just got released from quarantine. She is happily meeting new people but was extremely happy to miss the last 3 months of high school. In her words it was great to be away from judging eyes.

Personally, I have a low tolerance for ignorance, selfishness, and lack of civility. We stopped going to the movies ages ago because people started treating the theater like their living room. We live in an area neither of us grew up in and we don’t feel like we ever found our place here. Most of our friends weren’t from around here either and over the years, they have managed to escape. I guess this is a long-winded way of saying the present circumstances have given us an excuse to be ourselves.

After having strangers YELL at me this past weekend for letting my dogs off-leash in the fricking wilderness, I’m ready to avoid people.

I was at a group meeting (LIVE, at a park, 10+ feet apart) and as an intro ‘game’ we were to say what we’d learned from covid. I’ve learned I like the 6’ of space, I like making a dental appointment and not having to wait, I don’t really live much differently than before (once the search for TP ended), and don’t mind many of the restrictions. Keep your distance, no need to hug me or get too close.

What I would like to end is the Marshall Plan blueprint needed for every little trip out of the house. I’d like to call a friend and say “how about lunch?” without 3 days notice and a search for the perfect patio (today it is 32 degrees out, so a lunch would have to be cancelled instead of the normal “okay, we’ll just eat inside.”

I do think many are using the covid as an excuse not to go to lunch or volunteer or see friends.

There is staying home Italy style, and there is everything else. Very few are living Italy style.

^^ @twoinanddone What does that mean? Staying home Italy style???

I think I’m kind of falling into the trap you describe. I have had save socially distant get togethers I could have attended but have found myself saying no to everything. I haven’t been anywhere other than the grocery store (and that was limited) since the end of June when things really got bad around here. I needed to go pick up some thread and wanted to say hi to the people at the quilt shop but found myself just ordering it on line. I could have gone to pick up some things at the scrapbook store but haven’t. I haven’t even gone into my office to pick up a baby gift that was left there for my dd back in March (a day before the shutdown). I have never been a huge introvert so this is odd for me. I was actually fine in March, April, May and part of June but when the numbers skyrocketed and people we knew got sick and died from COVID I found myself staying in more and more.

^^^^ and @momocarly please know I’m not calling anyone out! I’m likely guilty of it myself. I just have noticed several instances of either in person or online conversation that has made this real apparent to me.

It’s sort of a natural reaction. We became guarded pretty quickly. It’s hard to know when or if to reverse.

Saying “no” seems to have gotten a whole lot easier. In instances, this could be seen as a positive. On the other hand…not??

H is an extrovert (though he is quiet) and I am in between extrovert and introvert. We both miss social activities, but except for the two couples we host on the deck, everyone else we socialize with sticks to zoom/phone calls, etc.

I would welcome more chances to see people (so would H), but we are careful due to to our ages and his health conditions. We are both really looking forward to socializing more again.

I’m surprisingly content to do telehealth. My office was pretty, my colleagues nice, and I enjoyed our lunches together. Several of us liked to cook and share food.

What I miss is meeting up with friends at parks, the beach, and book clubs. zoom meetings are not the same. And, I’ve said it before, but I miss my kids. I last saw them October 2019.

This question is what makes me hate this whole situation the most. I really hope this isn’t the way things will be going forward.

@bookworm that is so sad. I haven’t seen my dad since July 2019. I was going to go in March. It’s awful. Hope you see your kids soon.

Before COVID, I would need an excuse to turn down an opportunity to get out and be social when I really didn’t want to.

With COVID, I don’t need an excuse. I have a legitimate reason to say no, so I don’t have to rely on any manufactured excuse.

I’ve already had 2 scares with COVID. It’s not an “excuse” to refuse to subject myself to more of the same. That doesn’t, however, mean I don’t miss seeing family and friends.

I’d love to go out to dinner with friends without having to feel like I’m risking my health.

I’m not super-social, so it’s been okay mostly. We have seen D and her family a lot, sharing a bubble so they frequently stay at the shore with us. See S once or twice a month, mostly outdoors because he and his GF are a tad more social, though still careful.

Mostly I feel guilty that I am neglecting people who are socially isolated, like siblings, and some other friends who live alone. Can’t easily visit or meet for lunch, for various reasons. We’re not doing any dining out, inside or outside at all, so that cuts down on social visits, too.

This is an interesting discussion! I’ve felt a bit guilty because I’m fine with staying at home - I love our house and pool and can always find enough to fill my day.

One of the things I loved about moving here was finally getting a group of friends. We still have them as friends; my husband is much more extroverted and he has been staying in touch, played tennis up until his surgery, and is meeting for socially distanced beers weekly. We met them through a great Meetup group, made friends off-group, and know we will be seeing them again when life opens up again.

I previously got invited to join a group I already knew to do water aerobics at one woman’s pool. I finally joined them last year, mainly for the socializing. Between the last year and the three months of biweekly Zoom meetings I arranged this spring, I’ve realized I don’t really like some of them, nor am I interested in some of what they like doing (like board game evenings). So I’ve realized I don’t really care for being part of the group, and prefer having some of them as individual friends instead. Therefore when the aerobics started up again with limited participation, I passed by saying I would exercise in our pool. It was an excuse to a large extent (I also didn’t want to do the 50 minute round trip to the other house). So I get to technically stay a part of the group without having to actually see them.

I do miss seeing our son, but at least I’ve guilted him into regular video chatting and visits. We last saw him in person at Thanksgiving and don’t expect to have an in-person visit until well into 2021.

I spent years back in Illinois having no friends at all. So even just having friends virtually is a major life improvement. And some of them would welcome me reaching out to get together, if I wanted to risk it, which I don’t. What’s nice is that they are very understanding and no one pressures anyone.

I’m the family extrovert. We are members of a lake club. Thankfully it opened this summer. It’s a small club, and they set up some very good Covid protocol. The picnic tables were spread out about 6-10 feet apart, and some are 8 feet long which was nice. Masks required in buildings (but building access was restricted too). I went down every single day it wasn’t raining and sat at my own table. But I was able to chat with my “summer friends” at nearby tables. It was the only thing I did all summer that felt sort of close to normal.

But…it’s closing for the season.

I’m concerned about cold weather winter places like ours. We have enjoyed picking up food or packing a picnic and eating outdoors.

We haven’t been inside anyone else’s home for a long time…and no one has been here inside. I miss that too.

It definitely has gotten easier in our home. We’re all introverts. I do miss certain things, but we are all content to limit our socializing. I could do this for another year or two easily.

What a thought provoking topic! I DO think many of us can easily slip into a more hermit-like existence due to the constraints on normal socialization and even normal “moving around throughout one’s day.” I have always enjoyed my alone time but also got a lot of sustenance from interaction with work colleagues, people in stores, church friends, lunches etc. Now many of those things have disappeared for now and interactions have to be more deliberate, and, frankly, that takes some effort. Effort is something that can be skipped and then there goes the social interaction. I’m worried about it. I make a list of people I want to call and connect with and try to work up to giving them a call. I always am glad I did- sort of like exercise- but sometimes I put off the call day after day.

I think it is going to be an adjustment to get back into any semblance of what socializing in daily life used to be. It’s sad, but I am also one who likes time to myself as well.

Thank you all for contributing and mostly staying near the topic. It is an interesting - and potentially a little bit upsetting ! That some may potentially get used to “isolating” and/or use this time (notice how I have avoided saying the C word!!) as an excuse to blow off commitments.

Pre-this time we didn’t go out to eat a lot but enjoyed going out once a month or so with some mixture of our kids. When I search for any emotion about how I feel about not getting to dine out?- it’s not there. I just seem to be ok without it. (our area is open for outdoor eating which we have not done and limited indoor eating which I would be highly unlikely to do).

Maybe it will be baby steps back to 2019 social status. I don’t know. I’ve always been a homebody somewhat but really feel like we are not HOMEBODIES, all capitals! I do question whether this is healthy.

I’m very social so have suffered a lot from not seeing friends and family. I think it’s been awful for my kids who had to SIP for months on end and take classes online.
I work from home so socializing is necessary and needed for peace of mind.
During the worst point, I went for a walk every day on the beach. Cleared my mind. Not looking forward to colder weather and not being able to BBQ or meet friends outside for lunch.