<p>paying3tuitions - and let us never underestimate the ability of college students to find a way around ANY rule designed to keep them from doing something they want to do.</p>
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<p>It’s a study of girls ages 14 to 19. My two daughters–both currently in college–fall into that age group. </p>
<p>I won’t go into detail, but there were a number of incidents when they were in high school involving teens, sexual intercourse, oral sex, nude photos, and/or cellphones and computers–all on school grounds. A surprisingly large number of students were suspended at one time or another, and these just were the official incidents. According to a school administrator I know, many other incidents were swept under the rug. And yes, this is a high school in a wealthy area that is chock-full of high-achieving students.</p>
<p>Times have changed since we were in high school. We’re just fooling ourselves if we believe these behaviors change once our kids are in college. </p>
<p>FWIW, all three of my kids have seen other students having sex in the showers in their college dorms. The first time I visited my daughter in her dorm , I was taken aback to see a large box of condoms in the study lounge on her floor.</p>
<p>quaredfacium: fwb a good thing? I have no idea. I don’t usually make blanket judgments. I think depending on the friends it could be a good idea. If one party cannot separate sexual intimacy and being “in love” let’s say, then it certainly wouldn’t be a good situation to enter into.</p>
<p>I do think it can work for some people. And I don’t think there is anything shallow about friendship. Not every love is romantic or long term.</p>
<p>Greater honesty about mutual expectations is a good thing I think.</p>
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Really? Do you think STDs can’t be contracted when there’s plenty of hot water & soap to be had? It’s VERY relevant to the topic, actually. And women are more vulnerable to STDs.</p>
<p>Good post, Jonri. I would make sure that all parents of boys who warn of financial responsibility also remind them of their obligation to help raise the child. This is much more complicated than just turning over a monthly check. You will be linked to the mother of your child, and her extended family, for a lifetime. This relationship & responsibility can often ruin a potential relationship with the woman you finally do want to marry.</p>
<p>What’s with the tone, StickerShock? I didn’t say anything about STDs.</p>
<p>The OP was professing shock over the stories he was hearing from his son about how “sexy” college was, compared to the OP’s experience in our generation. I don’t think much has changed. There was sex then, and sex now, immaturity then and immaturity now, and no one has invented a new way to Do It. The OP was also asking whether he should “prepare” his 12th-grade daughter for it. Of course, people should help their children be moral, responsible people, but if you haven’t started by spring of their senior years, you’re probably running late for that.</p>
<p>Mapesy said, in effect “It’s true! It’s true!” and cited a study that said (a) 40% of girls 14-19 have had sex at least once, and (b) about 19% of them have HPV infection. While that should be a wake-up call to any parent who is on the fence about HPV vaccination, it isn’t exactly evidence that your 18-year-old is likely to be innocent about what she may encounter in college. And the story cited said nothing about frequency of sex, number of partners, or any of the other indicators that might get people wound up and believing that there’s something new under the sun.</p>
<p>I think jonri’s post is great, too. Despite the obvious fact that I come at this from a slightly different moral direction, I do not encourage my kids to have sex, much less indiscriminate, irresponsible sex. I want them to take personal responsibility for their actions, and to understand that sex involves an awful lot of personal responsibility – even if no one gets pregnant.</p>
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<p>I agree with this observation.</p>
<p>OP–what aspect of what your son reported to you do you believe your daughter is not already prepared for? </p>
<p>As many poster have related there is a broad spectrum of sexual behavior at almost all colleges. Is the concern that she won’t be prepared for that fact? Has she visited any colleges overnight? If she has, she probably experienced some of the behavior. Did she mention anything to you about a sexual aspect of her visit, if she has made one?</p>
<p>I suggest that if you are unsure, you ask her what she understands will likely occur when she gets to college. You may find that she has a pretty realistic idea of what to expect, especially with an older brother who may have “filled her in.”</p>
<p>My observation from having attended freshman dorm move-in last August is that the parents are in a culture shock over the condom bowls and frank postings in the dorms about protection, disease etc more so than the students.</p>
<p>Question: "Is College This “Sexy?”</p>
<p>Answer: Apparently so.</p>
<p>"Associated Press
March 11, 2008</p>
<p>CHICAGO - At least one in four teenage girls nationwide has a sexually transmitted disease, or more than 3 million teens, according to the first study of its kind in this age group."</p>
<p>[1</a> in 4 teen girls has at least one STD - Kids and parenting - MSNBC.com](<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940/]1”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940/)</p>
<p>It’s important to note that HPV is not always transmitted sexually. That headline is a bit misleading.</p>
<p>" From freely distributed [and used] condoms to “sexile” agreements between roommates to trysts in the dorm shower, today’s campus makes what I thought were the pretty libertine days of the '70s seem like the Victorian era."</p>
<p>Assuming that you’re in your 50s or so, college was like that when we were in college. Perhaps that wasn’t true at your college (H went to a Christian college, and the atmosphere was much, much, much more conservative than at my Ivy), but it was true for many.</p>
<p>S, a freshman, has been disgusted that he has awakened to the sound of his roommate having sex.</p>
<p>That also happened when I was in college. It also was considered disgusting behavior back then.</p>
<p>It’s simply fact that there are lots of sexual assaults on college campuses and that over three quarters of those assaults are of freshman and first semester sophomores. The vast majority of those that are reported are committed by upperclassmen. The typical case is a first semester female, a bit drunk, and a senior. I think that’s more than half the reported cases. </p>
<p>I think you have to tell your daughters that it’s a bad idea to drink too much and an even worse one to drink too much when you are with people you don’t know well."</p>
<p>Parents of sons: Please also tell your sons the above info because there are sexual predators who prey on males by slipping things in their drinks and then sexually assaulting them. Male victims are even more reluctant to report this than are females, so the crime is under reported, and the victims tend to blame themselves even more than many females do.</p>
<p>Just as a female can’t look at a man and tell who’s a sexual predator, the same is true of men who prey on males. Males who prey on males can look heterosexual. In my town, a male who was convicted of doing this was a very handsome, macho appearing ex Marine.</p>
<p>All of this info needs to be given to your children when they are in middle school as some sexual predators target youth of that age, typically by befriending them (sometimes with the mom’s approval as the predators can seem very nice), and then offering them booze and other “cool” things.</p>
<p>" completely agree with this. I have warned my older son that I am not raising another child, and that if he ever got a woman pregnant, he really loses control of whether that child is given up for adoption, who will raise it, if there will or won’t be an abortion, etc. I also told him that he will be responsible for that child if the mother decides to give birth to the child, and raises the child, whether he likes it or not."</p>
<p>Yes, I started telling my sons those things when they were young children. It’s important for all males to learn early about the responsibilities of fatherhood, including their responsibilities should fatherhood be accidental.</p>
<p>I assume that if a school has a past-year 40% alcohol blackout rate (higher for white students), I think it’s reasonable to believe that something is likely happening besides drinking. :rolleyes:</p>