<p>I’m wondering if you believe employees, even those just a few years out of college as my younger friends were actually have enough influence/standing to negotiate this with their supervisors. Especially considering most of the time, the ones issuing the “call back to work” orders were often those above the supervisor*. Also, with the post-2008 economy, those employers also leveraged the implication that if the employees don’t act as “team players” and go along…there are dozens of employees waiting to replace them in the wake of the 2008 recession/unemployment phenomenon. </p>
<p>Your interviewees were probably conditioned to say “Work is always my first priority.” from hearing about/having previous employers who did have such expectations, going on stereotype that most employers in NYC expects one to work long hard hours to get ahead, and who had little/no tolerance for employees who even implied they felt differently. Especially entry-level or junior employees only out of college for a few years or who have read news reports of how companies viewed them as expendable considering the high unemployment of even highly qualified people. </p>
<p>There’s also some work subcultures which tends to look down on people who feel the need to maintain a reasonable work/life balance as weak. I observed this with several engineering/CS majors during my school years and work. One of the worst examples was the head of a startup I worked for whom I ended up quitting because of his 24/7 expectations & being several weeks in arrears with my pay**. </p>
<p>In my personal case, I will acknowledge that in agreeing to work for some past IT departments, getting sudden calls at odd hours to “put out the fires” was part of what I signed up for as stated in those employment contracts. </p>
<p>As most friends in my age group/younger were working similar type positions or were understanding about employment realities for recent graduates/certain positions, we just learned to deal and be understanding with each other. </p>
<ul>
<li>The few times it happened to me earlier in my career in the corporate setting, the orders came from management one or more levels above my supervisor. Incidentally, the supervisor there tried his best to run interference for us when the requests got ridiculous. Unfortunately, he was usually overruled and yes…we ended up getting called in.</li>
</ul>
<p>** He did pay it back after I sent him a letter letting him know I planned to exercise my legal options if it wasn’t resolved in a timely manner.</p>
<p>People seem to overbook themselves these days, even for social events. It is, unfortunately, just the way things are. Eventually you find friends that make YOU their priority. But it isn’t as easy as it used to be, I think.</p>
<p>I live in a blue-collar area and I don’t see this problem at all. I assumed it was a Midwestern thing, but seeing all the Chicago people saying that they cancel at the last minute has me rethinking that. We live in the Chicago Region as well, but we had good RSVP success for every birthday party, graduation party, etc. the only time I saw it go awry is when DS and his friends guess on the number of people, keeping it loose. That normally means that I should double the food and expect things to last twice as long.</p>
<p>People seem to overbook themselves these days, even for social events</p>
<p>This could also be an issue, especially for the 2-career family. Weekends are often full of home/child obligations so once Saturday’s obligations get finished, the couple is too pooped to go out. </p>
<p>I remember before I had kids, my working mom-of-two SIL chucking an invite from good friends that came in the mail. It was for a daytime BBQ. I asked her why she wasn’t considering going. She said with all the stuff that she has to do on the weekends, she didn’t have time to give up several hours to attend. I can understand that. If home chores, laundry, kids’ activities fill up your weekends, then fitting in social events could be a challenge.</p>
<p>I guess in the “old days” more moms were SAHMs and took care of these things during the week…freeing up more weekend time for social events??</p>
<p>H and I are old school. We respond to invitations and cancel very rarely and then only for emergencies. We were brought up that way. Yes, many times I have said yes and then really didn’t feel like going (tired, etc) but went anyway. I found I was almost always glad that I ended up going. </p>
<p>H and I are invited to a Halloween Party this Sat. I just looked at the Evite to see who else is going (we replied yes and we will go) and was surprised that 2 days out the majority of people had not yet replied. Really folks? How hard is it?</p>
<p>The kids here (Northern VA suburbs) seem to change plans/cancel at the drop of a dime. Sad to say my own kids have and when I called them out on it they say it what everyone does.</p>
<p>We have a cabin up in the Maine woods. Different friends will say they want to come, but when we ask, it never works out. Sometimes we will even give them a wide range of possible weekends. I don’t understand why they think saying they’d like to come when they don’t mean it is better than not bringing up the subject at all. Thank goodness DH and I like each other and don’t need company up there!</p>
<p>I can understand it when work or circumstances are such that commitments cannot be made without that caveat and when people have to back out of commitments due to things that come up. The situations that make me burn are when that is not the case. Most of the time, those pulling this stuff, don’t even bother to come up with an excuse. They don’t bother to RSVP and then they don’t bother to stick to their commitment or even call to change their response. </p>
<p>I blasted my one son who said he’d like his birthday celebrated on Super Bowl Sunday one year, and have some friends over for the game, and then didn’t get around to asking anyone until they all had other plans and druthers and then had to tell me that maybe it wasn’t such a great idea. Not quite last minute but close enough to draw my ire. I was upset that he just didn’t seem to get that it was any big deal for ME to put this thing together, that it was just one of those things that he could just throw together. This is a kid who KNOWS how I feel about these things. I’m a dinosaur, I guess. But you know, the functions I put together have always been first rate, and the things that I’m seeing lately have been truly pathetic at time, and no, just the company doesn’t always do it.</p>
<p>Our resident’s association throws an adult party every year. I am amazed at the number of people who don’t respond. Many represent the neighborhood on committees, often take the lead in organizing other everts. I don’t get it.</p>
<p>One thing I had all of my teens do during high school was to plan a large party. They had to do this at least once. My goal was to teach them party planning/hosting skills. The other goal was to give them an understanding of the importance of RSVPing. They got so frustrated when the invitees would not reply/would not commit. </p>
<p>Now, all of my kids are very good RSVPers and I attribute it to them learning first hand how frustrating it is when guests do not RSVP.</p>
<p>BTW, we are in the NorthEast. I find that people in general are very bad about committing. Makes me crazy.</p>
Original poster–funny, as we speak I’m upstairs while DD has her graduation party. 15 kids RSVP’d yes, turns out about 10 showed up. This is better than older daughter’s “yield rate,” but still…why do they bother to say yes??!
I was supposed to have brunch with friends from college today. Four of us. One friend emailed yesterday that she couldn’t make it and one responded that it was good because she was in NYC. This was scheduled six weeks ago. It’s not just kids.