In the Deep South, there is a tradition of refusing the first two offers, then relenting and accepting the third offer. It is considered rude to accept the first offer.
It can be confusing and/or maddening for transplants from other regions who have no clue of this tradition.
My first thought is still to refuse first offer, but I have softened up and usually accept second offer these days.
If I’m hosting, I don’t ask people to bring food. If someone insists on bringing something anyway, I’d consider it all or part of a hostess gift, so I myself would not return it. H may bring it to work if it’s something I don’t want in the house or I’ll give it to neighbors with kids.
If I’m invited somewhere I usually ask if there’s something I can make or bring. I would not be insulted at being offered all or part to take back home, but I always insist they keep it. If someone really made a big fuss about not wanting it in the house, then no big deal.
Your dinners sound more like a true cooperative pot luck. When I go one of these everyone generally takes home their own food.
My overall advice is not to make something over nothing.
Puzzling to me was going to a lunch/dinner buffet watching guests making a “to go plate” to take home…what?
Since when are 2 meals are to be offered by a host?
The prepared guests made their “to go plate” simultaneously(they came with their own container with lid) as they were serving themselves before others had been through the buffet even once…
^^ That’s just plain rude. It’s not a thing.
Most things I go to where we bring a dish, we go home with the left overs. I would not be offended either way.
When I take pumpkin cheesecake and mashed potatoes to thanksgiving at my D and SIL’s (my annual assignment), they keep the potatoes and most of what’s left of the cheesecake - I took home a slice this year cause I’m trying to lose weight (had it for bfast the next day = it’s a fruit/veg, right so ok? There’s a reason I don’t take it home - no will power.
My son does not eat leftovers so I imagine he’d send stuff home. Doesn’t even take the leftovers from a restaurant. Don’t know where he got it from - we happily eat leftovers.
I eat almost no leftovers. I too had a bad food poisoning. I do serve them to my family because I recognize that I am, at least a little, paranoid about it.