<p>I’m just going to address the name thing.</p>
<p>First day of Ancient Greek in college. Professor looks at my name on the sheet and says, thoughtfully, “That isn’t Indo-European, is it?”</p>
<p>Oh, the horror! The lifelong emotional scars! Of course, I was already scarred from years of teachers being unable to pronounce my name. From years of kids laughing when I was asked to spell it and the first two letters when pronounced separately were a slightly naughty expression. Right? Did I <em>like</em> this? (Not the professor, that was fine, but the kids laughing.) No. But every kid has something. While it is important to be sensitive, it is also important to assume good intentions and to develop resilience.</p>
<p>Look, I spent a lot of time interviewing complete strangers in their homes over the last few years. I’ve talked with immigrants from Somalia, Burundi, Easter Europe, Iraq, Afghanistan, Viet Nam, Cambodia, you name it. I’ve talked to people with names of every possible ethnicity. (French names are a particular minefield here, since they are pronounced in multiple strange ways. I’ve known at least three families whose name was Saucier, and NONE of them pronounced it the same way, and none of them pronounced it as the French would.) I had to record their names, and the names of all of their children. I often ease the situation when someone has a difficult–to my ears–name by saying “My name is _________, so you can imagine the pronunciations I get!” We always had a mutual chuckle, because they recognized that they had as much of a problem with MY name as I did with THEIRS.</p>
<p>I recall interviewing a delightful Iraqi family. The teenage girl with good English who did the translating for me was delighted when I remarked that her name meant “light,” and wasn’t that pretty. There was another sib whose name meant “beautiful,” which I also remarked on. I also commented to her that the way she pronounced Iraq was lovely, and that I had obviously been mangling it for years. Far from being offended, they were very pleased.</p>
<p>Yes, in that context it was my JOB to ask their names, but my personal “outreach” that made it clear that we were equals in that regard, the fact that I was in effect saying that all kind of names can be challenging, rather than making stupid statements about what is “American” and what is “normal” made all the difference. The idea that it is always rude to ask about names is just ludicrous to me. I do not find it rude when someone asks me about mine.</p>
<p>I do find it somewhat rude when they make it clear that they consider my name to be “other” by loudly declaring that they aren’t even going to try to pronounce it.</p>
<p>It is all in the context, the motivation, the way the question is asked. If a question about names and origins is asked in a way that makes it clear that the African name and ancestry is no less “American” than the English name or the German name, that recognizes that ALL of our ancestors immigrated here at some point, it is not offensive. </p>
<p>According to the OP’s story, the sub did not handle it in that way. That is why she felt uncomfortable. In the context of a HS classroom roll call, his curiosity would have been better left unexpressed. If he glanced through the list and saw some names he knew he couldn’t pronounce correctly, he should have said up front, before starting, “Now if I mispronounce anyone’s name, please feel free to correct me. I’m interested in names and always happy to learn.”</p>