My D19 is in the middle of the college app process. I’ve found the threads in the college forum so helpful, and filled with anticipatory posts from excited students and parents. Recently, among posts filled with happiness about students who just got accepted into their first choice college, was this post (I’ve changed a few minor words to protect the identity of the poster):
"S19 just got accepted. Applied last minute.
ACT 35
GPA 3.96 UW
This was a safety”
I cringed.
Among a circle of friends, one student’s “safety” is anther student’s dream come true.
What are your thoughts on commenting either in a college thread or FB or especially among conversation with other parents that a college is a “safety” school?
I think it is more appropriate on this forum as we are kind of faceless and someone can always disagree. It is also probably ok with family (given they do not have college bound kids).
With other parents/on FB it is more of a slippery slope. FB is dangerous, I have learned not to voice anything remotely controversial on that site!
Also the tone of the post is kind of dismissive of the accomplishment. If that had been directly from the kid then I would be more understanding but an adult should know better.
Commenting about it as an anonymous users on an internet forum that routinely has users advising that applicants apply to a mix of reach/match/safeties is fine. Telling a school that it is your safety is not. Telling your internet or real-life friends that Harvard was your reach, but Cornell was your safety will likely elicit eyerolls.
But a real-life situation where your kid and that of a member of your bookclub are applying for the same school which for the latter is a “dream school” (which is a whole different conversation about whether one should have a dream school) plus a reach and for the former is a legitimate safety, common sense should (although does not always) prevail.
Similarly, I’m not a big fan of students doing the victory dance on decision day when the news may not be as positive for their friends or classmates.
Sometimes people use the word “likely” instead, I think. But I think everyone on here knows that some students are more likely to be accepted than others. I think some posters are mistaken about which schools are “likely” or “safeties”, though. I don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings with it – but I worry that the perception of what is safe is often misplaced.
My DD has higher stats than that, and yes, we’re careful about it. She is applying to many of the same schools as her teammates (for the potential to swim). The schools are safety schools for academics but matches for swim for her - and are match schools for both for some teammates.
At the same time, we’re trying to temper her expectations regarding the more selective schools she is applying to. It doesn’t matter what your GPA and test scores are, at the tippy top schools in this country everyone has those stats and it’s a reach for everyone who applies. You might end up at your “safety” school, and might find that you love it there.
This is also why I’m not a fan of announcing each acceptance. Keep it quiet until you’ve come to a decision and announce the decision only (if you must).
I guess I’m just not sure why the term safety has a negative connotation, to be honest. For me it’s a neutral term and will mean different schools for different people. My D was accepted to a safety (for her) that one of her teammates was more reach-y for. Schools that are a high match or reach for my D are safety schools for some others. Some schools just flat out are a reach for everyone. I don’t see any reason for hurt feelings when discussing schools in these terms.
It’s rude - or at the very least inconsiderate and self-centered - to comment on a board where students are celebrating admission as an achievement that your kid applied to the same school but assumed they’d be admitted. TBH, why would the parent even post in that case? What is the poster doing other than raining on other people’s parades in order to make themselves feel more important? How totally thoughtless.
My D’s two main safeties are her best friend’s dream schools. She’s asked us not to even mention them to best friend or her parents in case it makes them feel bad.
I agree that specifically calling something a safety in the context that someone else is celebrating admission is kinda mean.
On this board anonymously, I generally think it’s no big deal.
I would never personally post my kid’s stats in full anywhere publicly. And my kid has similar stats. I don’t like the word safety either. My kid applied to a variety of schools, all that could potentially work well for him. We won’t be posting all acceptances publicly either. Though my kid is auditioning to music programs which will likely involve some travel and adventure so we may be posting from various campuses/cities during the winter months. But I won’t be expounding. Those who know us well will know what we’re up to and others may just assume we’re doing some quirky travels.
I find it very helpful to see stats and the resulting acceptances and rejections for a range of schools posted on CC. I think that people who post them are doing it mostly in the spirit of giving potentially helpful info to others. FB and in public are different, of course, but I hope people continue to post all sorts of acceptances and rejections here, and I think it’s helpful to know if someone was thinking it was a safety, reach, or match, particularly if they arrived at that conclusion based on Naviance data or counselor input.
Stats are just one porton and you never know what the kid actually showed in his app.
I think I’d put this question of calling it a “safety” into the general ignorance category. Plenty of kids don’t get into their safety.
My kids’ high school discouraged a compatitive attitude about who was applying where and who got in where, until students had chosen among their admits. The students easily adapted to this.
Unless you’re using the same profile name everywhere ie Facebook, I don’t see how stating your kid’s stats (test scores, GPA, course rigor) will expose anything. Every piece of data helps others on this board.
I’m guilty of identifying one of D’s college acceptances as a safety on this board. I did not intend to be rude (although in retrospect, I see how it could be) - the context was that she liked her safety so much, she didn’t feel the need to submit too many other applications.
I am trying my hardest to eliminate the term “safety school” from all discussions going forward. I try not to use that term with my daughter because she may end up going to her safety school and how would she feel about that? Probably not great. I also avoid mothers of classmates in the grocery store because I don’t want to get into a college competition discussion.
As most will find the problem is not with our children but us adults. My sons school made a huge point to not gloat or questions someone’s acceptance. Just say congratulations. As stated, someones safety is someone’s else’s dream school. We all make choices for reason. All acceptances should be celebrated.
Wouldn’t “likely” and “safety” be different? “Safety” connotes assured admission (including to major/division if applicable) and assured affordability, or the school has already delivered an admission offer (including to major/division if applicable) and sufficient financial aid or scholarships (if needed). “Likely” connotes the idea that it is hard to imagine the student getting rejected or not being able to afford it, but it is within the realm of possibility due to lack of any assurance or the use of subjectively graded criteria for all applicants.
Yes, many posters list “safeties” that are really nowhere close to being safeties, or even likelies. Or schools which may be safeties or likelies for admission, but not affordability or admission to the major/division. Or the purported “safety” considers level of applicant’s interest, and the applicant is not applying ED or otherwise showing a high enough level of interest.
There are too many factors that go on for anyone to really have a full picture. In the case of lower-income students, they may have gotten into X elite college but ended up at community college because no one gave them enough money to attend. Or a student who really needs a full ride because of parental income who can get into elites but is banking on that lower-tier school with the amazing scholarship. I could see this poster pointing out this was a safety school in order to not give the impression that a student with stats that don’t match would not get in. In that light, it seems friendly. There are just so many factors that it doesn’t make sense to think about it or compare. Not to mention there are huge differences between schools. At my daughter’s old HS, there might be 10-15 students who graduate with an unweighted perfect 4.0 out of 600 graduating seniors. You can’t compare anyone’s GPA from that school with schools that hand out As like candy. And the colleges know. Most of the students from that school (maybe 100 every year?) who go to Ivies go without perfect GPA’s. I mean, 40% of graduating seniors graduate with a 4.0. It’s hardly news that someone would have a 4.0. But what does it really mean? It could mean a lot or it could mean nothing.
I agree sharing data is great because it provides information and context.