Love this idea!
While we were hammering out the apply-to list, my DS told me that he hated the word “safety” and that as soon as I labeled a school that, he automatically didn’t want to apply there! Now that is drastic, but I think we have to admit that that word can have strong meanings in this college application game that can be stressful, emotional, and judgy-feeling for our kids.
I agree that the quoted post was a little thoughtless. There really wasn’t any need to post that it was a safety. As a parent, I am very careful about calling schools “safeties” in conversation with other parents and really never would say that to any students. I’ve used it on this board when I wanted some input as to our list balance…somehow that feels better to me in context.
So now, for any college you do not want him to attend or is too expensive, you can get him to agree by calling it a “safety”? 
I think @swimmermom2’s point is important, too.
Prior to your child’s acceptances, when you are discussing the schools that are your child’s safeties with your child, try to bring in thoughts that support the idea that they are many students’ dream schools and attract a lot of top students and are high-quality schools. You want your kid to be happy and excited about college, wherever (s)he ends up.
If you (student) or your child (parent) can’t summon enthusiasm about your “safety,” it is a poor choice of safety, and you should keep looking for a better safety.
And yes, once accepted, when you are speaking of it to others, you should be considerate enough to recognize that it may be someone else’s best option or a place from which someone else may have been rejected. It does not mean that you need to hide the fact that you yourself have another top choice… just that you should not speak of it dismissively.
I’m not sure why you need to communicate how you assessed your odds at all. Presumably, any school that got an application was one your child liked enough to attend. Sure, in putting together a list, you want to have a few that are likely based on stats, but that doesn’t have to mean “less”.
Just last week, I met a recent grad of a school that accepted DS. All that came to mind was “Everyone in our family loved your school when we visited. Was it as wonderful for 4 years as it seemed like it’d be?” It would seem that regardless of being less selective than some others he considered, it was indeed “all that”.
@CaMom13 I would disagree. If they are not up to snuff it is not my job to coddle another student and avoid sensitivities just because they can’t reconcile that they could have done more and made their dream school a safety. Why do I need to change my language and lie just because someone is sensitive? Thats the argument for not changing language, but I am even meaner and want people’s parades to be rained on because most people are celebrating stuff that should not be celebrated just to feel better about their failures. Before anyone hates on me, keep in mind I practice what I preach and say me going to Cal is a failure to everyone I know. I know I should have gotten higher up on the rankings and celebrating my acceptance at that time would be me avoiding the cognitive dissonance that I truly failed myself when I thought I would be a success. Everyone sucks way more than they think, and they need to be reminded of that to not get egos
As @intparent has mentioned, my kids’ high school referred to them as “likelies” not safeties. Might be semantics but a) unless they auto-admit based on certain score ranges, they aren’t sure things and b) the term “safety” does carry some baggage with it, both with other people and certainly with colleges that don’t want to be considered as anyone’s backup even when they are and as someone stated, often dismissed as lesser by the applicant themself.
Additionally, most kids at the school weren’t apply to safeties if the definition was guaranteed admission. Likely was used by the school to connote a better than average chance of getting in but not a guarantee.
@CCtoAlaska I am curious where you get the statistic that 40% of graduating seniors have a 4.0 GPA .
Learned my lesson the hard way. Someone of importance to us congratulated our kid on getting into a school early action, maybe in oct/nov. This was his safety school, we were not yet celebrating, and I stupidly downplayed the accomplishment. Thinking it polite to avoid celebration publicly, I said it’s only a safety school. Uncomfortable meal ensued after the person mentioned he had a son there already. Woops. Never use safety to describe, outside discussions with gc and child.
@swimmermom2 a recent article. I can try and find it later. It would not surprise me. Grades are really inflated at a lot of schools.
I’m guessing you will fail. Or that you misread the quote. Or that it is one HS. Or it is from the Onion. Do many US high schools have grade inflation? Do 40% of seniors have an unweighted 4.0? Highly doubtful.
At my kid’s high school, which is a large but unremarkable public school, an unweighted 4.0 is likely to rank you in the top 3%. I’ve never heard anyone local describe it as having particularly harsh grading.
There may have been a misinterpretation of results of one research. Check out Michael Hurwitz and Jason Lee who calculated that 47% of high school graduates have an average A. However, first, they combine together students with grades from A- to A+. Second, even for straight A, this wouldn’t necessarily imply a perfect 4.0. Still, there is a documented grade inflation in US high schools. And, no matter how much people talk about deficiencies of SAT/ACT, I still find it amusing how kids with 3.9-4+ GPA are getting below 1450 on SAT. On this forum I have seen reports of SAT below even 1300 with such a high GPA.
I think that context is everything in discussing college admissions. Here on CC I think it’s fine to use the term safety (Some poster may even correct you that it’s not a safety for you!). But IRL or FB I do not use the word safety to describe a school. When DS got his first acceptance to what was his safety, I only commented that it was wonderful to have an excellent option so early in the process when asked about it. You can always find something positive to say about a school whether it is your safety or even a school you wouldn’t consider personally. I had an acquaintance ell me he would never consider X school for his kid and his kid would be going to an elite level school due to his athletic abilities. Turns out his kid signed with a school that I think ranks equal to or even less than X school. Well what acquaintance didn’t know was that we were touring X school and that later his kid considered an offer form X school. So he really put his foot in his mouth. On a happier note I was talking to one of DS’s friends who was very disappointed that he had to got to a Directional U for monetary reasons… Many of their friends went to higher ranked privates and a couple of top 20 schools. It was really hard on him around graduation and I had pulled him aside to talk to him about how being a big fish in a small pond could really work in his favor. He told me that he was so happy at Directional U and that he was indeed the big fish. He said he remembered what I had told him and that he appreciated the support. He was already doing research with a professor and is presenting that research in an overseas trip next semester.
@chicagoan25 I think it’s wrong how people have a mental threshold for what gpa correlates to what test scores. My D’s scores are low for her GPA, but her grades have been consistent across two high schools and three colleges for DE (one four-year and two CCs) across four states. She doesn’t standardized test well. She has documented anxiety and adhd and no accommodations, but I can’t blame it on that. She just doesn’t test well. She is highly capable in a classroom though. It’s not as simple as A=B for this stuff.
@milgymfam I agree I should have been more sensitive regarding students with documented challenges and I apologize for it. For a full disclaimer, my daughter, who has no reasons for having any problems with it, also doesn’t test well. Without class participation and homework components her grade would probably be one notch below what she currently gets. Objectively, I still assess her knowledge based on school tests and quizzes. Subjectively, I am glad that her GPA is higher than that since it will, to a certain degree, strengthen her college application.
It’s relative, isn’t it? For example, there might be something in your closet you call “my fat pants” which in my closet are called “pants”. 
People should be empathetic when communicating on any topic, college, financial, or otherwise. But, since we can’t always count on perfect efficiency in that, I think it best to not care/be offended by things that weren’t intended to be such.
When someone gets into a school, whatever they think of it, be happy for them. Expect the same in return.
A friend of mine was pissed when her kid didn’t get into Princeton. His safeties were Northwestern, Michigan and University of Chicago where he is currently at. When my son got accepted to Michigan she stated it was one of her sons safeties. I told her many of the kids from his school got into University of Chicago and that was their safety school. She got the point after that.
Calling a safety a likely? Maybe it’s not a Midwestern term but just not going to ever come out of my kids mouth. Their schools call them safety schools that you would be thrilled to attend. If not, they truly are not a safety. They also state over and over that someone’s safety is someone else’s dream school or such and to be sensitive to that.
My D was accepted to what was a “safety” for her, but it was the only school she liked and where she wants to go. She (and I) could give a crap if someone else calls it a safety for their kid because frankly, we don’t care what other kids are doing/going.
At our HS around 2-3% graduate with a 4.0 GPA. This means they got A’s in all their courses for 4 years - which is quite an accomplishment,