Blame it on the doctor. “The doctor advised them not to travel to large gatherings until the baby was X months old. There are too many illnesses floating around for a newborn this young.” You can skip the second sentence.
Younger S got RSV when he was 8 days old and hospitalized for 1 week. Anything < 2 months is critical. And RSV is a mild cold in adults, so easy to pass off as “just allergies.”
It will likely be a repeat of “holidays by BB” with gatherings on non-holiday days because kids have their family traditions now. I’ll just roll with the flow 
definitely blame ANYTHING with a baby/toddler on the doctor.
For the record, I would not blame anything on the doctor. The parents make the ultimate decision. The doctor offers strong guidance, not strict requirements. I believe S and DIL ARE making the right decision - and they should own it! First of many!
But again, this is not a first world problem. You know what it really is? I am the peacemaker in the family - I listen and comfort and strive to make everyone happy. And that while overwhelming at times is MY decision! But at the holidays it involves a lot of juggling and a lot of mental space.
The one thing I would like to shift away from re: the holidays is toning down the gift giving even with our kids. Happy to gift to them and happy to support a gift of something they can really use. I would like to start the shift to more “couple” bigger gift/gifts with maybe an item or two that is personal for each. Again, this would be a shift. Stray from the norm tradition. But man, that would make life a little easier!
At this point I only do stocking stuffers and money for my kids. I buy D’s in-laws small gifts when they are here at Christmas.
But the grandkids? That’s where I have to restrain myself!
Forever 30+ years I hosted Christmas and invited my divorced parents, their spouses, my in laws, etc… it was stressful but everyone got to see everyone and I didn’t have to go to a bunch of different places. Now that my three adult kids are married and two have kids, in order to get everyone together we find a day which is often not Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I am thrilled to have everyone together BUT I have to admit Christmas Eve and Christmas Day without them (I spend it with my mom and my husband) I get really sad and cranky. I wish that one of them would include us in their celebrations the actual day, but they don’t. 
Not looking forward to it. I always feel guilty I don’t want to spend time with my difficult brother. And now I feel even more guilty because my sis-in-law has dementia. I wouldn’t mind being around her so much, but my brother 
.
On the other side my husband’s sister’s husband had a stroke recently, but seems to be recovering well. That sis-in-law usually hosts Thanksgiving, but I don’t know if she will this year or not. I know they won’t come here because almost all of H’s fam lives in that city 3 hrs from us, so we are the ones who always travel there.
H’s mom and her man-friend are in their 80s and declining. They still live independently but have had recent health problems and the man-friend has had a UTI that caused delusions (common in the elderly) so really not sure what it will look like this year.
Both our kids are doing ok. Oldest lives with us and had mental and physical health issues last year requiring a stay in a clinical setting, but is back working and doing much better this year. Younger kid is living with her girlfriend in a nearby city. Last year was the first year neither of them spent Christmas Eve with us and woke up here on Christmas morning.
I’m really over those winter holidays. I enjoy Halloween, though! Gotta get the decorations out today for that one.
As a people pleaser and non confrontational, I think I always struggle to do and compromise what others want to do, not me.
Then, I’m sad, overwhelmed, feel pushed a million different ways to make everyone happy except for myself. My husband on the other hand, doesn’t feel any of these ways. He’s happy to do what others (me) have planned for him.
I also wonder if I’ve been so willing to make everyone else happy that my own children don’t think about what I want. For so many years, I tried to make my difficult mil happy who doesn’t compromise. Who is crying to my husband when things don’t work out for her. That I’ve bent over backwards and put my parents and my family on the backseat. Now my kids just assume that we will spend the holidays with my in-laws and that the kids are free to do the same.
That’s hard to admit!
Kinda makes me dislike the entire holiday season. I personally don’t think that advocating for myself would help. My kids I feel are also non confrontational and people pleasers who feel the avenue of least resistance is to do what their spouse and their parents want. My husband and I are the compromisers.
This year, I’ve paid for the Airbnb and the tickets for the activity we are planning. The kids have offered to chip in. But we can afford it and I feel that if I accepted their offer to help pay, they might never agree to do it again.
Sending hugs. It is tough to be in your shoes.
One pivot that I am using more frequently now (kids married, and some of the grandkids are old enough to have their own friends, activities, party invites, etc.) when things aren’t shifting my way is to congratulate myself on having raised kids who married people who love their family of origin (which is not a given by any means) and pat myself on the back that they want to spend quality time with that side of the family (not a given) and that raising kids who have friends even at a young age is also a good thing. And that I know how to make turkey and can do “all the trimmings” the next time my kids come home which might be Memorial Day when nobody wants turkey and stuffing but what the heck.
Fingers crossed your early Xmas works out great for everyone!!! And I sympathize- trying to make things right with a hyper critical MIL is just so exhausting and pointless… HUGS.
Right now I’m thinking all the people working on fixing things in my house will still be here for Christmas. They may feel like family by then.
I made a 100% conscious decision to just do stockings and one gift each this year. The rest of the together time we will spend doing dumb games found on holiday social media pages, making dinner, and maybe making ornaments. Our “family of adults” standing rule is everyone tackles their own breakfast, mealtimes are posted (eating or even attending are optional) and each couple makes dinner ag least once. And if you cook, you don’t do dishes.
I have found my kids and esp the DILs have a_better_ time when I don’t do everything myself. Took me too long to feel comfortable with that, but I do feel less overwhelmed and more present in the few days we have together.
My ds is 29 and single. He and his dog will come to us for both TG and Christmas. In a way, it’s kind of selfishly nice not having to worry about sharing him with a girlfriend or her family at this point. On the other hand, it makes me sad because I know he would like to have a person.
Anyone who’s been on here a long time knows I lost both of my parents simultaneously and unexpectedly when I was only 24 and that I have no siblings. Holidays have almost always been with dh’s family, which just always stirs up emotions for me. My parents were killed less than two weeks before Christmas. Hard to believe it will have been 38 years this year. And, anyone who’s following my octogenarian romance thread knows that mil’s new-ish husband Bob upset the apple cart for spending holidays with dh’s family last year.
Since mil may have a surgical procedure at the beginning of November (not yet scheduled) that has an extremely restrictive post-operative diet, TG may fall through the cracks. I have no sadness about that whatsoever. Also, their first wedding anniversary will be ON Thanksgiving Day. I would be thrilled to do TG with just the three of us. I feel certain neither mil nor sil has thought about holidays at all. I lean toward early planning and thinking through every possible contingency. They do not. Not saying either is good or bad; we just have different approaches.
I can’t even think about Christmas yet. One new decision for us will be locating a good Christmas tree spot in our new home. Which may be fun or may be a challenge.
I know we aren’t traveling farther than 2 hours for Thanksgiving, and I am pretty sure we will be home for Christmas. I’m hoping at least one set of kids, maybe 2, will be here Christmas Eve night into Christmas morning, but if not, it will be fine. If my DIL decides she wants to host, that will be fine too, but it’s not likely. I’m also hoping we can do a family outting to cut down a Christmas tree with S, DIL and their dog. (The dog LOVES going, and kids love the dog). If we don’t go with the kids to get a tree, we may just use the nice, 3 foot fake one we got a couple of years ago when we took the kids on a trip in December and then they did their own thing for Christmas. We didn’t want a live tree here, and it felt a little weird, but it sure was easy. So far no drama, and none expected. We will be flexible and low key no matter who shows up, and if we wind up cooking for Thanksgiving instead of going to relative’s we expect to be invited to.
I am really dreading the holidays this year. My husband died at home last year over Thanksgiving weekend. His mother died just a few weeks later (doctor said broken heart syndrome) and then my dad died the following week. Normally I love to host Thanksgiving and I go all out. But this year I just can’t do it and don’t even want to be in this house over that weekend.
DD just had her first baby so I’m going to spend the week in NYC with just them. I need to do something completely different than anything we’ve done in the past. I am looking forward to my visit, but also know the whole weekend is going to be hard. I’m grateful that DS understands. He lives in my town and has local inlaws, so I know they aren’t losing out on a family Thanksgiving if I’m not here.
Last year, I thought I was really on the ball. I had rented an airbnb in my mil’s small town for Christmas only to realize it was for 2026! I scrambled and found a place farther away. I kept the first place and had to adjust the dates a bit but hey, we are just down the road this year! We are doing early Christmas with MIL, dh’s 4 siblings and families. Christmas itself will be just the two of us and then New Year’s will be us and our children and their families.
I am so sorry. What a year of loss, unimaginable
Many many hugs for what you’ve been through in a short amount of time. I think your plan is a wonderful one and you’re right - sometimes changes in tradition simply become necessary.
Enjoy your new grandchild! That is a blessing. 
I did vent about this on the Say it here thread.
D hasn’t been home in over two years. She said she’d like to come home for thanksgiving - but as usual her schedule’s tight. I did manage to get reasonable flights for her. S said he’d come too since she’s coming. So far, no significant others for these two - can’t even imagine how messy/hard it would be to coordinate when that happens!
I made plans for xmas - booked tickets and an airbnb. D didn’t like the flights - had to return earlier and that was not possible that day. S didn’t like the airbnb idea. I don’t think H liked the idea of this trip at all. Sigh - gave in and canceled all the reservations. Now the chatter on the family group is a trip somewhere here in the US. H wants to drive - 14 hours!! That’s a flat out no from me - we get flights or I am happy staying home.
It’s really hard to coordinate. Just 2 years ago we got it coordinated to alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving. It’s working better since one grandkid is in school and there are times off that need to be covered. So we have Thanksgiving this year. We either meet at our homes or at our locations. Two groups of 3 need to travel.
I’m so sorry. It’s so appropriate to do something completely different on days that are especially difficult.