Our Thanksgiving was pretty relaxed/low key, but I did do a lot of work. (Others helped, especially with clean-up, but I was the main cook for multiple meals, did the planning, shopping, etc.) It was just my son and his wife, my husband and me. I “spoiled” my son and DIL, making some of their favorite things. They were here for two nights, which was a good amount of time.
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Mil wound up going out to eat dinner with my sister-in-law (her daughter) and my nephew and a couple of mutual friends last night. Mil skipped church entirely
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Our Christmas was okay. I still woke up this morning happy that it’s over.
Our weirdness was that we usually spend Christmas Eve at my beloved aunt’s. She moved from a gorgeous house to a condo ten years ago. We are close and she confided in me that a lot of her friends, who were always present at her Christmas Eve party had disappeared after the move. I know the night is important to her - and a big part of me as well - I have always wanted to keep showing up with my family.
All was fine until last year - some health issues, plus my cousins have had kids, new partners, stepkids. We kind of…don’t fit in the condo. And last Christmas it felt like it was just too much - so this year I said we would just come over early for apps.
And I got the distinct vibe that she was mad at me. AND she invited another cousin and her family to take our place. That wasn’t the idea! We live in the same town, so I will go over for a cup of tea and talk to her about it. She sent me a text later and said they missed us, it was good we left as dinner was a disaster.
Anyway, it’s hard watching your loved ones get old.
From there we went to a newly divorced friends new house (also local) a childhood friend of my husband, I’ve known for 25 years…
His live in girlfriend is in her thirties. I have met her before, she’s nice. But I spent the whole night chatting with her mom, who was my age. And I missed the ex-wife, my friend, and felt guilty for being there.
So guess that was the theme of my holiday - guilt!
Next year will be better…
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Our Christmas was low key and relaxing. The 4 of us went to my sister’s on Xmas Eve and she & her dog came over on Xmas Day. On Xmas Day, we all were in our PJs all day! 
D24 & D26 are hopping mad at DH’s aunt & uncle for the gifts sent to them. The aunt & uncle sent gifts that would work well for the typical teenage girl (stuff like light-up makeup mirrors), but my daughters HATE wearing make up and don’t have a use at all for a light-up makeup mirror.
However, every year, the aunt & uncle end up sending something that is well-intended, but off the mark. D26 is mad that they haven’t bothered to really get to know her. The aunt & uncle have always been really self-absorbed and in their own drama-filled world, though.
My kids still have some lingering anger & resentment toward them (I do, too) over the aunt & uncle’s behavior in late Aug-early Sept 2023 when my MIL was dying. It’s a long shocking tale, but the Reader’s Digest version is that they tried to make the entire thing about them & they behaved terribly. Behaved so horribly that a normal person would have been embarrassed. But they don’t get embarrassed by it…they just double down on their positions & insist that they are right.
Meanwhile, my narcissistic dad has convinced himself that after Xmas, we are traveling from AZ to CA in order to go to Disneyland. Um no…DH & D24 are driving today to CA & staying the night w/friends, so they can meet up w/SIL, Niece, & Nephew on Friday at an LA cemetery so MIL’s cremated remains can be buried in a plot with MIL’s father’s remains (yeah, it’s taken over a year…it’s ridiculous the amount of time that this has taken for my SIL to get straightened out). And then DH & D24 are driving straight back home on Fri afternoon. D26 & I aren’t going to because D26 doesn’t want to go and I have to work.
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I love everything Christmas but always feel a bit melancholy when it’s over. I’m struggling with watching my parents get older , especially during the holidays.
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I can totally relate. I had a long cry last night missing everybody who has passed on.
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I haven’t felt excited about Christmas in years. I bet it’s been at least 7 years, maybe 10 since i could look forward to the day, and then enjoy it, too.
For me, ever since Santa was revealed (okay so maybe more like 15 years?!) it’s just not been as fun a holiday.
And of course, as noted in posts by others, not having loved ones here anymore on Christmas is absolutely heartbreaking. Birthdays and holidays just don’t bring me joy anymore.
I sound sad. I suppose i am.
Which means i then start looking for another dog (which would not be a wise decision)! Two is a good number and i am very thankful for them .
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I had a truly lovely day with a former work colleague half my age. She brought me a huge bouquet of fresh flowers knowing that I have been indulging myself with flowers recently. We ate soup dumplings I had purchased from a new restaurant the evening before, followed by air fryer tidbits from TJ that I had in the freezer. Ended with mango-applepear fruit salad. We drank cranberry juice cocktails with white wine and semi-eggnog–heavy cream with almond cordial in wine glasses. At sunset according to my phone we lit Chanukah candles (I am a cultural Jew and she has no particular religious tradition). At 8:30 she took the bus home. All in all, a lovely day.
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I had the nicest Christmas I’ve had for the last few years. After dealing with aging/sick/dying parents, and various challenges of our kids, for once we are in a pretty good place. I tried hard to be present and just be thankful for what I have now . . . We had dinner at a cousin’s house which was nice (no drama!) and I am relaxing today. I did not think I’d get back to having the day not be something to “get through.”
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I like the lead up, putting up my tree just after Hallmark movies start up in late October. Spending time with friends & family in the weeks leading up to Christmas is great. When we get to Christmas Eve & Christmas Day, it’s hard not to feel sad as I miss my mom, my hometown friends and just life as I knew it for so long in hometown. On the happy side, 15 month old GS came over to me and let me have him sit with me for almost 2 minutes before moving on to the next thing. He is so precious, but such a little tornado of activity right now. I guess I’m going to enjoy the tree & decorations for an extended run this year as post-surgical bending, twisting, & lifting restrictions are going to delay the take down until at least after mid-January.
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I missed my kids. One is coming over the weekend but will miss their cousins and my in laws who are too fragile to travel. They might stop by in their way home to see the grandparents.
The other went to a resort and then spent it with their in laws for the umpteenth year in a row. It was too expensive to fly here but not too expensive to fly to the ski resort.
The elders have not that many more Christmas left. I don’t see my one child making the effort. But I’m sure I’ll hear how much they miss their grandparents.
It’s getting ridiculous
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We had a very nice Christmas Eve with our sons and my sister’s family, but my Mom faked a cold at the last minute and refused to come over for the celebration. A week earlier I overheard her complaining about Christmas celebrations being SO much work, and as I left, I leaned over to the clerk and told her, “You know what my mom does for Christmas? Writes a couple of small checks for the grandkids and besides that, absolutely nothing. The rest of us are decorating, cooking, getting presents. She just gets driven to our house and doesn’t have to do a single thing”.
Really frustrating, because she always has a great time at our house, and the kids will only be here for a few more days. By the time the celebration ended and my niece returned to her house to drop off presents, she’d already forgotten about her fake cold. I understand there’s mild dementia involved, but there’s also stubbornness and a lack of consideration. 
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We had a very nice Xmas eve with my extended family. We rented a loft space at Brooklyn Heights overlooking Manhattan and catered. We all brought over our favorite drinks. We did a white elephant game.
I slept over at D1’s place so I could see GDs open their Xmas presents. I was going to get an Uber to get my mom to D1’s place, but then I got a text from mom that she got an uber by herself and she was on her way. I was a bit surprised she was able to do it by herself, but I did track her all the way.
D1 and D2 made a very nice roast for Xmas.
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I started feeling a tickle in my throat on Christmas Eve. I was not feeling great on Christmas morning but was able to participate in gift opening and lunch. Then I went back to bed. I might get up tomorrow. I hope youngest ds does not catch it. He is supposed to be having his wisdom teeth removed next week.
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I don’t want to post all of the details, but on Christmas Eve, I found out that my niece is, as my D says, in need of counseling. We have not seen my brother and his family since before Covid. His D has a severely handicapped child, and every invitation to get together was met with a no because they worry about him getting sick. Niece and her family live with brother and SIL, and even my nephew & other niece had to stay away from my family if they wanted to be around niece’s kid. Turns out that only some people don’t get to see them, while others do. Apparently, niece’s three kids get together with other kids all the time, and they’re passing around sickness as much as my GD’s daycare. For whatever weird reason, my niece has the idea that some of us are vectors of illness. She’s keeping my brother from seeing me, and I don’t blame him for choosing his kid over me. But my niece makes me angry. My brother wanted to see me Christmas Eve, but she wouldn’t let him. And no, none of us are currently sick.
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That’s very odd and as your daughter says, there seems to be some mental health issues going on. Because how could you be vectors of sickness.
I have a family member who right now is very immunocompromised. But the rules seem to change based on what’s best for them. I’m not into that game but I also can’t change it.
On another note, the big kids aren’t coming. There’s a stomach bug going around daycare and even though my granddaughter doesn’t have it yet, my dil is having a lot of anxiety about coming so they aren’t.
I’m glad I didn’t get my hopes up too high but I really thought they might make it today. The house is clean but I wasn’t buying groceries until tomorrow. I was convinced it wasn’t going to happen.
They said maybe when she’s 6, it would be ok to travel. She’s almost 3 and has never been here. I’m not too unhappy because I kinda knew this was going to happen.
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It’s weird. We are all vaxxed and boosted. D’s family was sick recently, but they had been over it for a few days by Christmas Eve. Apparently, my niece is especially worried about RSV, but had she communicated with us, she would know that GD was actually tested for it at the doctor when she was sick - and the test was negative. None of us are party animals. I guess I shouldn’t feel too bad, because they won’t let the other set of grandparents see the grandkids unless they are outside, with masks (and it’s cold here in the winter). That would break my grandparent-heart.
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GD1 stayed over with me last weekend. When she arrived I noticed she was coughing with mucus. I asked D1 if she was sick. D1 said, “Yes, she is always sick from school.” I also had a bit of something (stuffy nose and light cough). Luckily we didn’t each other sicker. Both of us felt better by the end of weekend. GD1 got RSV and Covid vaccines in September, so D1 feels she pretty much covered.
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My son is very immunocompromised – takes rejection meds and has for years — and I will say that during covid we “saw” my in laws only in their driveway for a holiday (can’t remember, my son is an adult, btw). Did not get out of the car. Their notion of “but we don’t go anywhere” always turned out to be “except the auctions, except the grocery store, except McDonalds”, etc. They haven’t ever taken his health status seriously, so we had to. Not that your situation is identical, I just know that it is terrifying to be those parents. When he was little, it was even more complicated.
Our holiday was unusually nice. The kids all did dishes, were agreeable on doing things outside their personal wheelhouse, and FDiL kept her dog under control. We did have to use alot of poker faces for their wedding plan details, but we managed!
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Is it too much to ask for some of the broad stokes of the plans? Wedding planning is one of the things I could listen to endlessly.
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