I think that it’s ok for you to research schools and the process, but it’s your D’s life and she has to own it, and I mean you really really want her to own it. Researching and picking out colleges is also a time where she will learn a lot about herself, and if you don’t let her engage in the process, she will really miss out.
We want to raise children to be resilient, but in order to be so, they need to be allowed to make their own mistakes.
Things that cross the line are picking majors or determining that she needs to be close. As a matter of fact, it’s probably healthiest if she’s not commutable close, at least a few hours away.
I’m from Mass also. Might I suggest that you visit a small, a medium and a large college on consecutive Saturdays, where she can go on a tour, see a performance, sample the ice cream, and get a feel for what "college life’ is all about. The particular schools won’t matter, and what I mean is don’t pick a school you want her to go to. The schools on the initial visit will not end up being HER school because she doesn’t yet know what to look for or what questions to ask herself, but she won’t want to revisit them because she’s already visited them. You are trying to get her to begin to think, ask questions, and visualizing what going to college means and how this is coming up soon.
We did this with the hope that our kids would have some background to make somewhat intelligent decisions about what their next step would be. By the time she’s a senior though, she has to own it.
Might I suggest
Small: Bates or Connecticut college (assuming it’s not local)
Medium: Wesleyan, Tufts or Brandeis whichever is furthest
Large: If you’re from eastern Mass visit UMASS-Amherst, if you’re from Western Mass visit Northeastern or Boston University.