Musical Theater has its own audition/admission process, and it seems to me it is as confusing as learning a foreign language. So I suggest you start reading here on the musical theater forum. Researching and understanding that whole process sounds like a great use of your research skills. Then, if your D really does want to go that route, you’ll know the process. And if not, you still will have learned more about future careers and how those mt grads end up earning a living.
Yes.
Haven’t read the other responses yet, but yes, that’s been our situation.
My daughter just said “Mom, could you just find me some colleges?” at the end of junior year. She said she trusted our opinion…
If your D is like mine, she’s just overwhelmed, under-informed, and trying to focus on what she needs to do NOW to get through high school. It’s also an uncertain time for them now, especially if they don’t even know what they want to major in - I’ve come to realize it has less to do with ambition, or lack of it, and more to do with just s feeling of being momentarily lost…
Like I said, my own D just came out and asked for guidance. She did tell us what she might be interested in studying, etc., what size school she wanted - that was determined after visiting a few small schools and a couple of bigger schools, and a couple huge state flagships - and we told her how much we could spend.
So, I found her some schools, took her to visit them, and after visiting, she is focusing on 4, out of 8 that we visited. She says she’ll apply, then take some more time to decide if, and after, she’s accepted.
So, I would just take her to visit some schools on your list if you haven’t done so already. That was the thing that really got my daughter interested and thinking about what she wanted in a school… Based on that, she can visit some more that she chose on her own, or she may decide she likes a few that you picked out for her. That was the case with my own D. I think some kids just aren’t all that picky about what they want, and honestly, many of the colleges are alike in many ways…
Okay, she has historically done well in math and science - but has a passion for theater? Well, then, maybe she should look at schools with strong theater departments - as well as math and science, in case she does go that route.
My own D also has done well, for the most part, in math and science all through school. She started out in junior level Algebra and she took Calculus as a junior - that was a mistake, I feel, as she struggled with it and it caused her to feel “burned out” on math and science. She has really enjoyed her History and English courses, though, and she’s told us she wants to major in History or Languages, or some other Humanities degree. I know, for my own D, she feels college is an upcoming opportunity to explore those fields that she had to brush aside before, or put on the back burner, so she could get through her advanced math and science classes.
I’m just guessing, but Theater is probably your daughter’s creative outlet, and at this point, she could go either way - into Math and Science, or into Theater… or into Humanities, who knows? It will be her decision to make. A school where she can explore all of those options might be a good school for her.
Continue doing your research so that you have it available when she is ready. It is still very early in the game - none of my 4 kids was interested in thinking about college at this point. It will change a lot over this year when others start talking about college. It is not unusual for kids who are good at science and math to also be good at music and theater. I would step back from picking her major- let her figure it out and maybe even apply undeclared. How many 16-17 year olds know what they want to do the rest of their lives? One of my DD2’s private teachers majored in Elec. Engineering at his parents insistence because he was math/science gifted. He graduated and worked for 3 years before quitting to return to school to major in piano performance. He has been very successful and is much happier now.
I’m confused about the only child statement. I don’t think it’s fair to make a blanket statement that onlies cannot or won’t want to dorm. I aman only and I could not wait to live with other young people. It was a nice change from always being the only kid at home.
Being on only allows the parents to hyper focus on the child in many situations, which is what is happening here.
My D is also an only child, and I’ve insisted she live in the dorms her first two years, and share a room. She’s had her own room her entire life, and it will be good for her to learn to share living space with another… My D is actually looking forward to this… She had some practice over the summer in a couple of band camps where they stayed in dorms, and she enjoyed having a roommate and getting to know her and the other girls on her floor.
College is about expanding one’s horizons… Learning to live, and get along with random strangers is part of the experience at a residential college. Gazillions of kids who have had their own bedrooms throughout childhood, go off to college and share a tiny room with a stranger, and live to tell about it. Some of them even enjoy it and become longtime friends with their roommates and dorm mates. OP’s D will be fine sharing a room; this should not even be a concern, unless there is some extenuating health circumstance where she should not share a room…
Wow.
I can’t imagine requiring my kid to live in a double if singles were available and the kid wanted one.
I guess every family is different.
As it happens, each of my kids lived in a double for one year (and oddly, for one of them, it happened sophomore year after she lived in a single as a freshman). And each of them disliked it enough to make sure that it never happened again.
I was an only and I was in a quad. Rumor was it was the smallest quad on campus. I survived.
I did have a single after freshman year, but that was typical at my school.
My D1 lived in a double for freshmen year with an assigned roommate that she does not like much. She intended to live in another double with her friend in sophomore but there were only single left when it was their turn to pick room. They took 2 single rooms side by side and that costs us $2000 more.
I wouldn’t pay a few extra grand for my kid to live in a single. They can suck it up and deal.
Now if they want to work and pay for that gap themselves, by all means.
I did pay about $1000 more per semester for my daughter to live in a single bedroom/quad apartment style dorm, and I wasn’t that happy about it, but that’s where her coach wanted her to live, and 90% of freshmen live in this ‘village’ where all the units are the same - quads with 4 single bedrooms, shared kitchenette, 2 split bathrooms, living room. There was one ‘traditional’ dorm with bathrooms down the hall, but it was farther away, and it wouldn’t have been safe for her as she had practice with her roommates before dawn and after dark and they traveled together, plus it was farther from the dining hall and library. This year she’s one of the only players still in the dorms and she’s living with other athletes in an even MORE expensive dorm, but it is closer to athletic facilities.
Sometimes you pay for safety and convenience.
I am also not willing to pay the extra $2000 for the single room if there is a choice. Thanks for the over enrollment of the school last year and now they have housing problem for the sophomore. There was a shortage of 300 beds for freshmen last year.
Frazzled kids started school in doubles, but lived in singles after freshman year in a variety of living situations.
Our kids were far from their support systems, however, and could not come home for a week-end or otherwise to regroup.I do not think it was unreasonable, since they did not like being “sexiled” by room mates, and themselvess had EC schedules that kept them busy early in the mornings/and or late at night and had them coming and going or catching up on sleep at odd hours.
The arrangement I did not like so much was the single person in an apartment. Too lonely.
For a picture of a dorm situation gone terribly wrong, I would take a look at “The Price of the Party.”
OP - Any chance that your D might be interested in a summer program for high school students, held on a college campus next summer? It might give her a better feel for what it is like to live away from home, or share a room.
My older child was really into the process and had a list of schools started by the beginning of 10th grade and was very focused on what to do to get into these schools. My younger child is young for her grade and just isn’t as into the whole process but I would never pick a major for her or a school. She has been on many college tours with her sibling and from those tours formed some decisions on majors she likes and dislikes and schools she likes. Taking a lot of tours has helped both my kids really think about the future. We are going to take some additional tours just with her too in order to be sure she isn’t just following her siblings lead on liking and disliking. He really wants a medium to large size school and I think she would be happier in a small to medium so seeing a few smaller schools is definitely on our agenda so she can see if she sees herself fitting into that environment. She is considering an engineering major so we did set up a 1 day women in engineering program for her to attend at a good engineering school which she wasn’t super excited to attend but after came out with some definite opinions on engineering majors she thought she might like and those she could definitely eliminate. She is also considering going to medical school so it probably doesn’t matter that much which she chooses. If she loves it she’ll stick with it and if not perhaps medical school. She’ll figure it out when she’s ready.
DS had no interest in touring any schools. I just wanted him to see what it was like on a campus. His choices were limited by finances. So he really ended up w/ 2 choices, Temple or U of AL, due to the presidential scholarships.
I would have liked him to have taken a cheaper dorm option, but he is 15 hours away, so he will only be home for mandatory breaks. It was good for him to have his own “room” to go to.
Our youngest will also not really have too many choices. She will probably be more interested in the process though. DS is currently in engineering, and should do well. DD does well at the math and sciences, but she really is more geared to the humanities. So it will be a whole new process for us on researching affordable options.
So I am very much involved in the process, as the financial limitations are significant. I also would dissuade my kid to from any major that wouldn’t pay well, no matter how much they might love it.
Regarding “majors that wouldn’t pay well”, how realistic they are for a given student does depend on the student’s spending habits.
A frugal student has many financially realistic options. A student who grew up in a wealthy household with no attention paid to cost and value of any purchases, who may expect a similar lifestyle right out of school and has spending habits to match, may have far fewer financially realistic options.
We did the exact opposite with our daughter and it wasn’t the best decision. We told her that we wanted her to have ultimate authority of where she wanted go to school. She ended up applying to 14 schools (way too many schools) and became overwhelmed with the decision making process. She ended up choosing a school on the other side of the country that was way too expensive for us to afford. She is now transferring to a school closer to home. Looking back on it, we should have been more involved in the decision process and set better guidelines for her. Had we gave her more input on our experiences and asked her more involved questions, she might have decided on the right school.
In other words, we didn’t show that we cared, so she didn’t either. We didn’t stress how different schools can be from one another.
@mommaknowsbest it’s one thing to set guidelines so a student can do a prudent search. It’s quite another thing to make all the decisions for the student…which is what it sounds like the OP is doing right now.
@Marian , I should probably clarify that my D also tends to be an introvert, and we worry she stays home too much for a teenager and doesn’t socialize enough with her friends! She’s actually at a football game tonight with two of her friends, but if it were not for their suggesting it, she’d stay home. Really. Left to her own devices, she’d be content to stay in her room all weekend and read, study, listen to music and just hang out with herself. On one hand, I know that’s really okay, and she does have friends at high school - but these are girls she’s known most of her life and grown up with, too.
In short - We’re afraid if she has a single room at college she’ll never meet anyone, or have a social life.
Like I said, she had a roommate for a week at each band camp, and enjoyed it - and she made some new friends. She really clicked with her room mate at the second band camp and they still text each other… so she is fine with having a room mate in the future.
She’s not really anti-social or misanthropic - she just entertains herself really well, lol, and we just don’t want her left out because she forgot to come out of her room during welcome week… A roommate will help prevent that from happening. Its not about the extra money for a single… If she wants a single for junior year (or sophomore, after she’s made a few friends) instead of an apartment, that’s fine.
I think that it’s ok for you to research schools and the process, but it’s your D’s life and she has to own it, and I mean you really really want her to own it. Researching and picking out colleges is also a time where she will learn a lot about herself, and if you don’t let her engage in the process, she will really miss out.
We want to raise children to be resilient, but in order to be so, they need to be allowed to make their own mistakes.
Things that cross the line are picking majors or determining that she needs to be close. As a matter of fact, it’s probably healthiest if she’s not commutable close, at least a few hours away.
I’m from Mass also. Might I suggest that you visit a small, a medium and a large college on consecutive Saturdays, where she can go on a tour, see a performance, sample the ice cream, and get a feel for what "college life’ is all about. The particular schools won’t matter, and what I mean is don’t pick a school you want her to go to. The schools on the initial visit will not end up being HER school because she doesn’t yet know what to look for or what questions to ask herself, but she won’t want to revisit them because she’s already visited them. You are trying to get her to begin to think, ask questions, and visualizing what going to college means and how this is coming up soon.
We did this with the hope that our kids would have some background to make somewhat intelligent decisions about what their next step would be. By the time she’s a senior though, she has to own it.
Might I suggest
Small: Bates or Connecticut college (assuming it’s not local)
Medium: Wesleyan, Tufts or Brandeis whichever is furthest
Large: If you’re from eastern Mass visit UMASS-Amherst, if you’re from Western Mass visit Northeastern or Boston University.