<p>I have worked in male dominated industry for 25+ years, and my closest friends are still females, and most of them in the same business. Our conversation drift from work, to BF (earlier on), then H/kids, shopping, vacations (they take some pretty awesome vacations - sailing and biking to some remote places), gossiping about affairs in and out of work. I have a pretty good net work support of women both in and out of work. Some people think women back stab/competitive at work, I haven’t found it to be the case. </p>
<p>I also have a lot male friends from work, and a dads from my kid’s school also feel comfortable in having a relationship with me. They’ll contact me directly to discuss business related issues. I personally don’t find them any more insightful than females. I have no interest in sports, so they wouldn’t talk to me about Mon night football or their golf games.</p>
<p>Two good guy friends at work told me they were having an affair before they told other people (one case I guessed). They asked me what they should do. They were very successful guys and thought they wouldn’t get caught, both of them were looking for more excitement and risk to take (one was a trader and the other was in sales). Both of them are still married. One told his wife, got of out the business, and moved away to start a new life (making a lot less money, but away from the temptation). The other one never told his wife, and 'til this day the wife still doesn’t know. He regrets what he did many years and have never had another affair. They are still very much in love. Those were 2 cases I personally knew of great detail and lived(helped) through their decisions.</p>
<p>I have always been faithful, but because of what I knew of those 2 cases, I don’t think I would swear if I knew for sure H has been completely faithful.</p>
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<p>No. </p>
<p>Not speaking to anyone in this thread, but in my experience I find women who announce they generally don’t like other women tend to be relentlessly hard on other women while giving men a wide berth. Men talk, women gossip. Men criticize, women are catty. Men are assertive, women are rhymes with witches. </p>
<p>I also find the idea that talking sports is respectable while talking baby showers in inane to be hilarious. I love baseball but I’m also aware that it boils down to grown men throwing, hitting and catching a little ball. I know that baby showers look like nothing more than cake and gifts but that, in fact, rituals welcoming new members into our tribes are universal and important.</p>
<p>One of the things I’ve always found fascinating is how often people have affairs and then decide they don’t want to leave their spouses. I guess the grass isn’t always greener and there is something to be say for staying with someone for a lifetime. Have known quite a few people who realized that the ‘other person’ wasn’t what they really wanted or needed. Sometimes the betrayed spouse doesn’t find out, sometimes they do and they can’t forgive, sometimes they work hard to forgive and the marriage continues on. Sometimes the wayward spouse leaves to be with the other person, only to end up divorced a second time. Whatever the outcome, it’s a huge risk to take just to have sex with another person or to gratify the need to feel one is ‘in love’ again. All relationships wax and wane given enough familiarity. I agree with the comment that maybe we expect too much from our marriages. </p>
<p>BTW - a good friend’s husband cheated on her 15 years ago and she took him back for the sake of keeping the family together. Now their kids are in their mid-twenties and she just announced she wanted a divorce. She said she has never been able to forgive him and every time she looks at him all she can think of is the fact that he cheated. Needless to say, he and everyone was surprised. We all assumed after 15 years she had learned to live with the fact that he cheated but evidently it’s not that easy. I feel for her.</p>
<p>Personally, I like talking to " most women" over talking to " most men" .
But for some reason, it is easier( for me) to start a conversation at a gathering with a single man over a single woman- I don’t know if that is because the women are already sitting with friends or what. I often go to things by myself because H is working & I have learned to enjoy it because you meet a lot more people that way. Hard to approach a group however.</p>
<p>To stereotype, I find some men to be interested in a narrow range of subjects, that is only interesting to them as long as they are doing the talking. They are used to running the show & they don’t understand that they are boring when people aren’t being paid to listen to them.</p>
<p>Even though I do not have the social small talk down which might make me stick out in a group of women ( I can also get kind of obsessive about my interests & my train of thought jumps around), I think women in generally are more attuned to others & are more relaxing to talk to.</p>
<p>About infidelity.
I understand that the pain is still there- but I think as long as we don’t brood about it, time does make it hurt less. you just have to fill in that hole with other experiences.</p>
<p>I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but we are the sum of our experiences & who we are, is what we spend our time doing & thinking about.
Just as we can control what our bodies do, we can control what our minds do. ( we can try hard anyway)
Life is too short to ruminate over past hurts, let them make the good moments even sweeter instead.</p>
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<p>I’ve always found this interesting as well. I’m also fascinated by people with young children who have affairs…where do they find the time?</p>
<p>I don’t think monogamy is unrealistic for those of us doing it. I’ve been monogamous for 23 years and, as far as it is possible to know, my spouse is as well. I cannot imagine living any other way. Life is complicated enough. I don’t really care if anyone else is monogamous, that’s their choice to make.</p>
<p>'m also fascinated by people with young children who have affairs…where do they find the time?</p>
<p>Maybe that is the only way they can force themselves to carve out time for themselves-
When my kids were young- I was literally going crazy for lack of sleep/time/support & while I ( IMO ) could have gotten a reprieve just by going to a hotel for a few nights I ended up going to a mental hospital instead.</p>
<p>I didn’t want a divorce, but I did need someone to be there for me.</p>
<p>thanks- it seems like a long time ago- but it gives me a lot of sympathy for young parents now.</p>