I have recently heard of 3 young couples who are engaged or just married who are living in one of their parents homes (so basically moved back home and brought their SO with them). These young people are in their late 20s early 30s, employed (good full-time jobs with benefits), college grads (with high level degrees - one couple both just graduated law school, another one of them is pursuing a doctorate), who are “temporarily” living in their parent’s extra bedroom until they find a place to live.
I know the housing market is tough for young people (house prices are so high) but don’t you want some place of your own (even just a cheap apartment). Is part of the problem that their parents own McMansions with way too much space? Is the issue that they would rather live with their parents instead of making the sacrifice of not living in the luxury they are used to?
Anybody else seeing this happen? We always joke on CC about our kids living in our basements but now they are bringing their spouses with them!
It is not uncommon in Europe for multiple generations to live under one roof.
Renting from parents, rent-free or for nominal rent, is no different than renting a room in a house filled with roommates (the other typically available option for the urban young professionals).
Not new, IMO. I’ve often heard of it over the years being done when the couple is saving $$ for a down payment. In many cultures, and other parts of the world, living at home is quite common and people don’t look askance at it. It’s just families helping families and also enjoying each other’s company.
Maybe they are helping their parents out…by being there…and helping with the bills…or driving them to doctors appointments…or because one parent or the other has a medical issue that needs attention.
Or maybe, the parents plan to sell or deed the house over to these young couples at some point.
Or maybe the parents offered so that the young couple could bank a lot for a down payment on their own home…or to pay off college loans.
If one of my kids wanted to live here under any of those circumstances…they would be welcome.
My dad’s Italian extended family did this. One family even added on a couple of extra bedrooms to accommodate their married children (with grandchildren) to live with them while the young families got settled in careers, finished educations, saved for their own homes. The idea of “wasting money” on renting an apt was outrageous to them.
My D is temporarily living with us after moving back to the area. She and her fiance are each living with their respective parents in order to save some money as they search for a house. They are actively searching for a home, and D doesn’t expect anyone to take care of her like we did when she was younger. Both she and her fiance have very good jobs, but the parental units are not accepting rent. We are doing this to help them … no reason not to do it, as we are enjoying a bit of time with our D - who has not lived in the area for the past 10 years - and it is a limited time engagement.
I don’t think it is new since my parents did it in the 1950’s. My grandparents had a duplex that they’d always rented, so my parents rented it (and did pay rent). The address on my birth certificate is that house, and I was the third child (although my parents were a whopping 23 and 24 years old).
My friend’s daughter did it for almost 2 years (basement) because they sold their home very quickly and then the house they were building took forever. Four adults, all working, so not much ‘together’ times. When the young couple moved out, everyone was a little sad, including the dogs.
We moved in with my parents while I was doing my masters. We were engaged at the time. I ended up buying the house after finishing my masters and now they sometimes live in my basement
My SIL & BIL (and baby) are thinking about moving into my in-laws’ basement while BIL goes back to school for a more lucrative degree.
This is very normal. It’s only in very recent times that even in this country that many couples didn’t live with one of their family members.
And given the choice, I’d rather live with my parents than a cheap apartment. (I’d rather live in the apartment than with my in-laws though)
I would never have wanted to do that. I value my privacy; it has nothing to do with not loving my parents or not enjoying their company. I would have worked two jobs rather than live with either my parents or his. I would not remotely see paying rent for an apartment as “a waste of money” because it would be buying me sanctuary/privacy in a new marriage.
But if other people feel differently, it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s only a problem if one of the two parties feels taken advantage of, smothered, cramped, etc. If all are on board, fine and dandy.
Maybe this is how so many young people in my neighborhood with new babies and toddlers 2 new cars and a golf cart can afford the housing my husband and I took years to save and upgrade to. Starter houses now begin in the $400’s in north Atlanta. I know salaries are high in our area and it’s fine if they can afford the home but it seems they would. Is it a spoiled generation that just refuses to settle for less? Having said all that, I wouldn’t mind helping out my kids short term.
I grew up in Brooklyn in the 60’s. Every one of my friends lived with a grandparent in the house. But they were multiple family houses and each “sub-family” had their own apartment (many of these houses had 3-4 apartments in them). Also, nobody had money, nobody went away to college, nobody could afford private tuition, and nobody went on to be doctors and lawyers (nobody went to graduate schools of any kind). This is very different from an upper middle class family (where the parents are perfectly capable - they are not looking for assistance from these children) having their child and spouse living in an extra bedroom (or the bedroom their child grew up in).
On House Hunters they very often show youngish couples – often with children in tow – living with the parents to save up for a down payment for a house. I don’t think it’s that unusual anymore.
My future inlaws wanted us to move in with them (in 1984). I explained to my fiance that he would no longer be a fiance and they would not be my future inlaws in that case. We could more than afford our own home and still save a lot of money – so we did.
D2 is living with me now while she is interning before she goes off to law school. She can’t wait to have her own place. I don’t think there is anything wrong to have kids live at home temporary, but you do lose a lot of privacy on both sides. It is not an optimal situation.
Multiple generations living under one roof was a commonplace thing with most Americans…especially those who weren’t well-to-do until the late '40s/early '50s when postwar prosperity and encouragement to get one’s home in the suburbs radically changed that.
And in other parts of the world, it was not only accepted, but EXPECTED for young single adults and even married couples to live in the same household as one’s parents and older generations like my father’s side of the family in 1930’s-40s China.
Even wealthy households unless one’s job/profession required living elsewhere(i.e. Business, government, military, etc) or one was disinherited and considered persona non grata with one’s family as happened with one older uncle after he was expelled from college in the '20s for prioritizing drinking and romantic pursuits over academics. This was especially the case in more rural areas.
The concept of privacy even if one limits the conversation to US norms changed greatly over the 20th century. In the late 19th/early 20th centuries, even wealthy households had multiple generations living on the same property and children shared bedrooms.
Part of this was the then prevailing cultural notion that “too much privacy” for children/young adults was a “bad thing”. Victorian cultural norms as they understood it and all that.
This extended to boarding schools like Groton in which FDR not only had to share a room with other boys, but that there were no doors allowed when he attended and thus, no privacy as we understand it today.
For all the potential problems related to having multiple generations under one roof, I think there can be wonderful benefits, especially for seniors and children.
