<p>I’m a rising senior and would want to move out for the remainder of my college years (two semesters). I’m currently commuting from home.</p>
<p>Why do I want to move out?
I live ~25 miles away from school, it’s about a 1 hr commute w/ traffic, 30-40 without.
With the commute, I waste A LOT of time and gas.
I also work around my school’s area and if I get a new job, it would be around this area because the area around my school has the best paying jobs. Takes me about 30 minutes to drive to work, 45 with traffic.
It is SUCH a hassle when I forget something at home, or I am sleepy and want to take a nap before work when I have a 2 hour gap. However, a 2 hour gap is TOO SHORT for me to drive home just to nap.
I’m in a sorority and officer in 2 clubs and most events are held on the east side of town (in the area of my school). With that said, it sucks having to drive 30+ minutes across town just for a meeting.
I also have events/meetings around school area on weekends so I am pretty much in this area 7/7 days of the week.
I can never catch a ride with someone because I live too far from most people/most events. I always have to drive. Always.
Truth be told, I only go home to sleep and shower anyway. Otherwise I am out at school, work, internship, meetings, etc. and again, it is SUCH a hassle to have to drive home so I always need to pack “my clothes for the day” and my makeup. I live out of my car practically.</p>
<p>Why I don’t:
Money.
Parents believe it’s better to save now and buy a house later than to rent an apartment.</p>
<p>Obviously there’s more pros than cons, but initially I would be paying $300-350/month for just rent alone. Right now I have about $9k saved up in my bank and roughly make about $500/month with my paid internship and job. I have the potential to find an even better paying job but don’t plan to until after summer. If I did move out, I wouldn’t until after summer anyway so I could work all summer and save up even more.</p>
<p>I am expecting to pay, at the most, $1k for college next semester. I’ve applied for a ton of scholarships and given that I get at least 2, I would have my whole tuition covered.</p>
<p>My parents are very caring and giving and would be willing to help me out financially if I give them a good reason. However, they seem really strong on wanting me to stay at home until I can /buy/ a house. My argument is that I might not even be in this city after graduation.</p>
<p>I was wondering, parents, if 1) my reasons for moving out are valid, and 2) if there is any way to convince my parents in letting me move out?</p>
<p>I think your reasons are very sound and moving out will give you a taste of living independently and some of the issues that go with it, good and bad. It sounds like you earn enough to pay for your housing for these two semesters without making a serious dent in your earnings and savings. I’d strongly encourage you to talk this over with your folks. It might also be good to nail down jobs that you CAN get IF you do move that will start in the fall, so there is less MIGHT in the conversation and your folks can se the financial advantages to being closer to campus.</p>
<p>I have spoken to my folks about this but they just keep telling me that it is a better idea to save now when I have the option to. I can secure a job only after July for age purposes (and they dont hire you before that… I need to turn of age before even applying or else they dont even consider me). So I cant say what will happen job-wise until July.</p>
<p>Do you think I am just being unreasonable for wanting to move out even though I could save thousands of dollars by staying home? My main reasons for moving out focus around convenience. Edit: I also think its a great way to become independent. My parents dont believe I can live on my own and still treat me like I am 5.</p>
<p>$300-$350 is not so bad. I’m moving to a place where I’ll be paying $112 a month more mainly to save 20 minutes a day on my commute. If you’re saving in the realm of 1 hr 20 min that seems worth it. Even if you only commute 22 days a month, that’s 26 hours a month. And with the gas savings, you’d probably only be valuing your time at $4 or $5 an hour to get to the break-even point. </p>
<p>It’s all very individual. That being said, if I were in your situation, I would move out.</p>
<p>Personally, I was never in the camp of living with parents to save money, unless absolutely necessary (can’t afford college any other way, etc.). To me, the experience of making my own way in the world and being more independent is far more valuable than the money I would save by living with my parents. There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with not buying a house until a little later in life or renting (these are normal parts of life - you work your way up to luxuries, not live with your parents until you can afford them!). Again, to me making your own way trumps the luxuries.</p>
<p>I also wouldn’t worry about parents believing you can’t live on your own. From the brief description that you gave, they sound very involved in your life, and in my experience, parents that are very involved often think their child is “not ready”, when really they just can’t see he/she is ready.</p>
<p>Permitting yourself a more involved college experience makes good sense for many reasons. Given your commuting time, you might really appreciate the gift of more hours in the day. Gas and car maintenance are expensive, and you’d save a good bit avoiding that commute.
Buying a house at your point in life is not necessarily the end all and be all of existence, especially if the future is unknown, though having the nest egg is certainly worthwhile. </p>
<p>Is there anyone your parents trust–a relative, community member, elder? Perhaps if you can explain to them, they can be an advocate for you. $300/month for 9-10 months of a school year amounts to only about $2700-3000 of rent. That is something you could easily make up IF you can get a job upon graduation.</p>
<p>Senior year is when there are a LOT of career fairs and interviews. Internships and part time jobs can result in full time job opportunities. I don’t understand your comment of being too young for age purposes to have a job. How old are you and what job requires a minimum age for you to work that you want to do? I was working from when I was 14 years old and have been ever since. My kids have had jobs refereeing when they were in middle school. </p>
<p>Commuting time can reduce your opportunities, but sometimes parents are more willing to listen to a trusted adult that they feel is more aligned with them than you, a young person chafing to get out in the world. Try to think of adults your parents trust who might be your ally and advocate.</p>
<p>FWIW, my kids were paying over $1000/month for rent while attending school and now S is paying $2000/month rent while D pays $700/month. They learned a lot of important lessons while living on and near campus, and had more opportunities in their field, as well as to participate in research and S got several job offers from campus career fairs, including the one he is currently working at (which make it possible for him to pay all of his own expenses AND save a lot).</p>
<p>I encourage you to include all possible considerations when speaking with your parents. Figure out how much gas you are spending, and wear and tear on your car. Driving while tired is dangerous. Are you paying any parking fees to park on campus? And this is your senior year coming up, your last chance to have the “on campus” experience. If you have truly been the model child, and you haven’t caused trouble, lied to your parents, or given them any reason to question your good judgement, I would politely push for living on campus. Remind them how much commuting “costs” you in time lost that you could be studying or working. Are you 18 yet? If so, you have more bargaining power. If not, try to get someone they trust on your side to speak on your behalf. Don’t give up on this, it is an important experience for you to live on your own in a college atmosphere that is still slightly sheltered and supported by a college community. Good luck!</p>
<p>Are your parents from another culture. I have observed that in many European cultures parents feel students should live at home until they are married. I wonder if this is a cultural belief on the part of your parents.</p>
<p>Oh, I hadn’t thought about the culture issue. Especially if you are female, some cultural norms will be weighted heavily against you. Not sure how to advise you if this is the case.</p>
<p>You shouldn’t buy a house until you know where you are going to be for next 5 years. There are a lot of expenses associated with buying/selling of real estate. If real estate market isn’t appreciating a lot then you could potentially lose money. The idea of paying rent equates to throwing money away is false. </p>
<p>It is a good idea for you live on your own for one year before you graduate. You are not being unreasonable. Most students move out when they are 18, not 21. Tell your parents you are already late in development compared to your friends. :)</p>
<p>I agree with everyone. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, the finances make sense, and your reasons for wanting to live near campus are sound. It is time for you to have some independence. It sounds to me as if you have enough money to live in an apartment without financial support from your parents. Move. Lovingly. :D</p>
<p>I moved out of my parents house at 22 because I had an internship and they were selling the house around the same time, I don’t know what I missed out on. People say this sort of thing all the time but I just don’t see the difference from living with your parents and living in an apartment, except for living with your parents (if they’re not being dicks about it) is free. In this case I think there’s a very good argument because of the long commute, but if the commute were about the same between the two I don’t see the point of moving out for the sake of being “independent.”</p>
<p>Oldfort, I hope this was intended as a joke - " Tell your parents you are already late in development compared to your friends"… I am also willing to bet that OP’s parents have cultural differences with the typical American parents. I can actually see myself somewhat in his/her parents. My son currently commutes and while I would completely support his moving out provided he has the funds, I don’t think at all that kids whose parents pay for their tuition as well as their room and board and all their meals are necessarily automatically learning how to be independent.
Having said that, I know that my son really wants to move to an apartment he could share with his friends and my husband and I are all for it. He is trying to save as much money as possible and we’ll see what happens but just wanted to point out that one can definitely become independent even when living with parents and commuting to school as has been evidenced by thousands of people in my country of origin (Ukraine).</p>
<p>My commute would turn into a 10-15 minute commute from school, work, any events school-related, and even my internship! I live FAR off in the suburbs of my city so I’m trying to move closer towards the activity. That’s pretty much my #1 reason for moving. It’s cheaper in the city than it is in the suburbs So yeah.</p>
<p>And yes, I’m from a different culture. I talked to my parents and they think it’s a ridiculous idea that I would want to spend my savings and all my paycheck towards moving out rather than living at home for free. They basically said no on the spot without even letting me explain and did not want to talk further. They think my #1 goal should be saving for a house (note: they are immigrants and came in their mid-30’s looking to settle down so I can see their mindset is different).</p>
<p>I also am an only child so that, along with the cultural difference, may play into affect. Is anyone from an immigrant family, or just an overprotective family that can offer advice? Or parents can offer advice on how to approach my mom without her saying “NO” the instant I say “move out”?</p>
<p>@Emily0722: Would you be willing to help finance your son in some way?! I was told by some adults it’s childish to move out AND ask for parent’s help. I would be asking my parents to continue paying for my car insurance and probably take over my cell phone bill JUST so I don’t completely use my savings. The reason for this, despite my $9k savings, is because I may be spending the summer in another state for an internship and I’m not sure how housing is.</p>
<p>The thing is, with my parents being able to afford to finance me 100% (they make a good living), I’m not sure how rude or reasonable it is to ask them to help out <em>if</em> I do land an out of state internship! </p>
<p>P.S., I reached out to my biological father and he is backing me up but my mother isn’t taking his side either LOL. She’s just no no no.</p>
<p>When D1 went off to college, living in a dorm, she said her biggest adjustment was not to have us to fall back on. I was a bit surprised because she pretty much had everything paid and all she had to do was to get herself to classes. She said when she lived at home, she had us to remind her from time to time about various deadlines and if she needed a ride some where we were always there. Once she went off to college, if she got sick she had to take care of herself, she had to get herself to where ever she needed to be at (whether it’s public transportation, taxi or ride with friends), she had no one to remind her of deadlines. Her friends were supportive, but no one was going to wake her up or get her to places.</p>
<p>Another big transition for young adults is having their own apartment. It is one thing living at home (even paying rent to parents) and it is very different when there is a landlord, utilities to pay and food to prepare. It is one thing to owe one’s parents rent and it is a complete different ball game when owing rent to a landlord. So, I do think parents are doing a disservice to their kids when they do not encourage their kids to be independent early on or help them transition into adulthood.</p>
<p>Show them some math. Show them that after gas, moving to the apartment would only cost you X amount per hour of commuting time. If you haven’t done that you haven’t given them a reason to move out yet, give them a reason. Don’t try to use a heuristic and say “well, I can save on commuting time” when the truth is so easy to calculate. </p>
<p>“I also am an only child so that, along with the cultural difference, may play into affect. Is anyone from an immigrant family, or just an overprotective family that can offer advice? Or parents can offer advice on how to approach my mom without her saying “NO” the instant I say “move out”?”</p>
<p>I am from an immigrant family in a culture where I think sometimes parents can be overprotective.The only thing that has worked for me is the direct approach and not taking no for an answer. If it were me, I would let my parents know that buying a house is their dream, not mine, and I would not be asking their permission to move out. I would just say - I saved up money, and I am going to be moving to the dorms next semester - everything has already been arranged.</p>
<p>Full disclosure, I have never had your particular issue (I lived in the dorms from the very beginning), but I have differing views with my parents on many other things. It helps if you are mostly self-supporting - I got a lot more confident when I became financially independent, but even so, I think you are old enough to stop asking for permission. Sooner or later you are going to have to have the conversation that their vision of your life does not and should not dictate your actual life.</p>
<p>And I disagree with the posters that feel you can convince your parents you are ready. If they are in the mind set of she-is-just-not-ready (the same with the money argument), there is probably little you can do to change that, and even if you can, that can take years. Don’t wait for that. Whether or not they think you are ready, move out, and they will adjust.</p>
It will be difficult for them–and you, too, probably–to grasp that this is actually your decision to make, because you are an adult. True, they have the right to stop supporting you financially if you don’t do as they prefer, but it appears that you could do without any of their support if you had to. I suggest you don’t ask them for permission, but rather ask them for advice on how to manage it.</p>
I am also willing to bet that OP’s parents have cultural differences with the typical American parents. I can actually see myself somewhat in his/her parents. My son currently commutes and while I would completely support his moving out provided he has the funds, I don’t think at all that kids whose parents pay for their tuition as well as their room and board and all their meals are necessarily automatically learning how to be independent.