<p>The essay topic is the following: Do people construct barriers to keep themselves hidden from the world around them?</p>
<p>Here is my completed essay:</p>
<p>An ancient proverb asserts that, “Those who loath themselves stay hidden, trapped within the walls they create.” It is an idiosyncratic tendency for human beings to hide behind a fa</p>
<p>bump…</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>You use too many SAT words when much simpler words would work much better.</p>
<p>Without reading twice, I’m often not even sure what you’re saying.</p>
<p>did you really write this on your own 25 minutes? if so, then i would think it’s a great essay, but as jkjeremy says, you use too much SAT vocab and it’s hard for a reader to understand what you are saying. And the length seems a bit short.</p>
<p>An ancient proverb asserts that, “Those who loath themselves stay hidden, trapped within the walls they create.” It is an idiosyncratic tendency for human beings to hide behind a fa</p>
<p>Give me a minute to look it over.</p>
<p>You keep looking for “synonyms” for the word barriers.</p>
<p>It won’t work.</p>
<p>I’m still reading…</p>
<p>Tendencies can’t assert anything.</p>
<p>Attire and jewelry aren’t traits.</p>
<p>Literally every reader in that room will have read Catcher. They know he’s the protagonist.</p>
<p>Sorry about the delay (if you’re even reading this).</p>
<p>Got tied up on the phone.</p>
<p>Not quite finished.</p>
<p>ordeals can’t be aggravated</p>
<p>In the context of where it appears (the introduction), what does “idiosyncratic” mean?</p>
<p>I’m wondering why that word needs to be there, what specific reason you had for choosing it.</p>
<p>It’s not meant to be a rhetorical question; I just want you to be able to justify every single word that you write (with the exception of articles).</p>
<p>An ancient proverb asserts that, “Those who loath themselves stay hidden, trapped within the walls they create.” It is an idiosyncratic tendency for human beings to hide behind a fa</p>
<p>Missed a couple spots. Sorry.</p>
<p>An ancient proverb asserts that, “Those who loath themselves stay hidden, trapped within the walls they create.” It is an idiosyncratic tendency for human beings to hide behind fa</p>
<p>There’s more that can be done (for example, connecting the intro to literature) but you get the idea.</p>
<p>If something can be said in 200 words, why use 300?</p>
<p>If the answer is “because I need it to be longer,” then you need to add more thoughts rather than just words that parrot the thoughts you’ve already had.</p>
<p>You know, I’ve been feeling a little guilty because I’m afraid my critique might have come off as overly harsh. (It’s correct, but I never want to appear downright cruel.)</p>
<p>If you took it this way, I’m truly sorry.</p>
<p>I’ll be glad to help you in any way I can.</p>
<p>Questions about what I’ve done? Ask away.</p>
<p>John</p>
<p>You’re version of the essay is good, but a little on the short side. I’m going to add to the conclusion and then re-post</p>
<p>And is this essay (the revised one) worth a 12?</p>
<p>And is this essay (the revised one) worth a 12?</p>
<p>No, probably not, because (among other reasons) it’s too short.</p>
<p>My intent was to show you that ALL the content you began with could have been expressed in about half the words.</p>
<p>To make it longer, you need new/additional ideas. </p>
<p>From what I remember about this one, you could have written ONE body paragraph about literature (combining the two you had) and then another on something else.</p>