<p>We have heard little to nothing from our freshman at college. He’s not a big talker or communicator. Should I consider “no news good news?” What’s do you think? This is our first child - we’re new at this.</p>
<p>How long has it been? No news usually means good news but I get that there is sometimes that visual of your kid lying in bed all day doing nothing.</p>
<p>If you are nervous about the “intrusive” phone call then send a text message and ask how’s it going.</p>
<p>No news is normal. Which means probably good news, but no guarantees. Get used to it.</p>
<p>We asked our daughter to call us two or three times a week, and that’s worked out well. She understands that we miss her and need to hear from her. She’s now a junior, and I asked her to do the same thing this year. Have you let your son know that you’d like contact on a regular basis?</p>
<p>Ah boys…no news is good news. Been There Done That. Three years ago my son went across the country and was not in touch for about a week. I sent him an email asking a couple of specific questions. I let him know in the email that I understood he was off to a new adventure but that the rest of us back home would like a little communication. He emailed back answers to the 2 or 3 questions. Just that quick note tided me over until the next time.<br>
If he was miserable he probably would have called…</p>
<p>Assuming your child is a boy, this seems to be standard. We barely heard from our son during his freshman year. I managed to get a few short bursts thru IM but we had to really insist on telephone calls and most of the time those didn’t happen either. One parent on the parents of the college class of 2013 told her son she would supply one cookie for each word of communication via email. She owes the son lots of cookies. You might want to try that.</p>
<p>Our son would never call unless he wanted us to send him something (and even then he’d e-mail), that’s why we told him we’d be calling once a week, he could let us know if Sunday morning wasn’t convenient. We’re still getting the hang of how to make those calls not sound like interrogations. (Son is a rising junior.) But as far as we can tell he’s happy and thriving.</p>
<p>I found out that my son had a new girlfriend when my sister, who was in China at the time, read something about it on Facebook and e-mailed me to ask what the story was. And I usually talk to him at least once a week (or ten days). He just hadn’t thought this was worth mentioning, what with more important things to discuss like getting the check he needed for a security deposit and the preview screening of the latest Miyazake film he was attending. Other topics which always seem to be non-essential: how he is doing in his classes.</p>
<p>Guys’ ideas of what is essential is not the same as parents’. From S, I could find out what his chums’ tastes in movies or music are, but not their post-graduation plans. Despite being together a lot of the time, it had not occurred to him to ask. However, yesterday, I emailed him a link to a Boston Globe story about Prof. Harvey Cox’s plan to have a cow graze in Harvard Yard (apparently a prerogative of tenured profs which he plan on observing on his retirement day). S wrote back that he emailed the story immediately to the rest of his (former) blocking group. I suppose that constitutes important news.
Another urgent query: “What do I do with half an onion?” and “How do I prevent oil from splattering?” Watching Julie & Julia had not given him the necessary expertise for dealing with such mundane issues. :)</p>
<p>This thread makes me feel 500 % better! (as mom of freshman-non-chatty-son)</p>
<p>I have been pleasantly surprised to hear from son several times, including two phonecalls asking for actual advice!!! I was careful not to really give advice, more to ask questions that helped him formulate his own plan, but still the contact was more that we hoped for…
His sisters are less understanding about the lack of contact and text him regularly, recieving responses about half the time.</p>
<p>Get a Facebook account and friend him. That way you’ll know he’s alive and communicating with someone…texting is also good. My S will respond instantly to a text, quickly if I call and hang up, but almost never if I leave a voice message.</p>
<p>Boys, what are ya going to do? My poor mom, my 2 brothers and I were the same.</p>
<p>No news IS probably good news, but I don’t believe in standing on ceremony. If it were me, I’d just pick up the darn phone and call. I would not recommend overdoing it, though - especially in the beginning. Later on, some people establish a routine, although I kind of dislike the idea that I should only talk to my own kid on a designated day or time - it’s not necessarily the habit I want to establish for the future. Depending on what was going on in their lives we might talk to them every day or only once or twice in a week, but I didn’t keep track of who initiated the calls. Eventually, the kids got in the habit of short but frequent calls while walking between classes or one of us would call when it was convenient to chat for a longer time.</p>
<p>I need to add that my son is now a recent graduate and he calls when he needs cooking advice or recipes. He also asked for advice on wireless internet setup and then ignored the advice and ended up with a router that was junk which I had the priviledge of replacing (which I had offered to do at the beginning of the whole thing) Oh, and the other day he asked me to find a GPS for his girlfriend because he decided as empty nesters that my husband and I didn’t have anything to do.</p>
<p>So, be careful what you wish for. But it is truly wonderful to hear from them.</p>
<p>I operate under “no news is good news”. However, I would call after few days for brief update.</p>
<p>When my DD left for college 4 yrs ago, she texted me several times a day and sent me phone photos of her friends, etc. The texts, emails and phone calls continued (but lessened) over the four years. My DS left 2 years later and we rarely heard from him. Back then, I would sign on to AIM just to see if he was signed on (to know he was alive). I stopped after a month or so and simply asked his sisters how he was doing. By not bugging him, on his own, he would occasionally call while walking to/from a class. This worked better because he initiated it. He left a week ago for a semester in Europe. No phone call yet but I don’t expect one. He emailed he arrived and facebooked his sisters - and he posted photos of his room (which I’ve yet to see). I received an email a couple days ago. All it said was “thanks for the peanut butter” that I snuck into his suitcase. Unfortunately, this is as I expected.</p>
<p>Signing in as another parent of a silent son. “No news” is not good news or bad news–it just no news. Daughters are completely different.</p>
<p>If you really want to hear from your son, take this advice we received from a Dean of Students. Mail your son a nice card saying how proud you are of him. Say you are enclosing $20 for a special treat. Do not enclose the $20, however. Your son will call!</p>
<p>No news can also mean, “I’m in trouble here at school, but I think I can handle it.” Had a friend whose uncommunicative son turned out to have gotten into meth and quit going to classes. That’s the extreme example, but I’m one for hearing bad news before it morphs into worse news.</p>
<p>Lots of great stories and ideas.</p>
<p>Been there, done that.</p>
<p>Sheesh, boys!</p>