At my kids’ high school (a magnet program) there were a lot of kids looking at highly selective schools, and some of them used information about what other kids were doing for strategic reasons–one example of this was choosing not to apply early to a school that hooked students were also applying to early. It’s debatable whether this strategy and others like it actually make any difference, but it was really sort of the opposite of cutthroat competition. There were some kids who never talked about it at all, and I think some of them did this because they didn’t want to have to tell people if they were rejected, and others who probably didn’t want to hear that they’d get because of their URM status. Some people are just more private than others about everything.
There have been some posters on CC in the past who worried that if they revealed where they were applying, cutthroat competitors might send anonymous critical letters to their colleges.
My D and I had a similar conversation just yesterday. As a sophomore, she and her friends are already tired of being asked, “so what colleges are you thinking about”? I told her to get used to it! When she’s been dating for a while, it’ll be “When are you going to get engaged?”, and when you’ve been married for a while, it’ll be “When are you going to have kids?” Is it annoying? Yes. Is it any of their business? No. But it’s human nature to ask people about upcoming big events in their life, so you need to be prepared for it.
One thing is that there are always posters on here saying “my friend’s stats were lower but he/she got this great scholarship/got admitted, why didn’t I?” Sharing too much information about your stats, ECs, rec letters, essay topics, etc., might get bitter later on if one has a friend like that.
But I admit, I am guilty of prying into what colleges my friend has heard from. (He just got rejected from the USAFA, so he’s probably pretty disappointed, though he has other good options, I’m sure.) I never asked about grades or ACT scores or essays or that kind though.
Hmmn, having paid for two Ds, and about to get another one in the fray, my only real comment is to coordinate for both planning purposes and moreover, what kind of dollars are we talking about? I think all of our girls knew, that because we placed such a high value on education, and we are by most measures doing OK, ( a physician and attorney) that these expenses could be covered. But, I don’ think they have a good appreciation that even for folks with distinct and separate investment accounts for education, you need to move things around a bit. Plus, by the third girl, we had reached expenses that went pass 250K–so, there needs to be some transparency and specific communication–my feeling and motto is–if I’m paying, I’m also knowing…
Large student bodies, and these are definitely public schools in wealthy areas. (Economic, cultural, and academic homogeneity – probably adding to the competitive atmosphere. All from well-educated households.) Also overcrowded due to very high demand.
None of us minded sharing the list because our strategy was to look for merit aid over prestige. As a result, my D had one high match/slight reach and the rest might have been considered low matches, if not safeties. The bonus was that most of her/our circle had never heard of the schools. The Ivy/UC/Top 20 race raged on without us.
My sons played it close to the vest. Both were in highly competitive magnet programs where the goak was Ivy, MIT or a full ride at the flagship. One S applied to two Ivies (and never completed the app for one of them, as I discovered much later). The other chose not to go Ivy. Both did strategic EA at top choices that offered it and priority app at the flagship, addition to RD apps.
Both kids dropped schools after success in the EA round because they had friends applying to some of those schools. They wanted to help improve the odds for others.
Both guys (esp S1) had mega numbers compared to kids in the neighborhood and really didn’t want their lists (and the corresponding questions about scores) to be the subject of gossip. Sharing would have felt too much like bragging.
In some of the instances being discussed here, selective public academic magnets.
The kids at these schools know that they’re competing with each other – either for admission to top colleges or for merit scholarships. A college is only going to accept (or offer merit money to) a limited number of kids from any one high school, and magnet school students know that this works to their disadvantage.
And when 28 kids in your class apply to Yale EA or 45 to MIT EA, you know there aren’t going to be many happy endings. Kids who would be superstars at their home school may be just “average” in a program where the average SAT is 2200.
Mine didn’t broadcast her list but didn’t keep close to the vest either kind of kid. She was the first kid that got to the counselor and kind of help the counselor get started the senior year.
My daughter and her friends seemed to share all their info pretty openly, though I think she would not have noticed if anyone was keeping things private. But I know that a lot of them also announced their acceptances – typically in a Facebook post with the kid holding up the acceptance letter next to their face (or their face next to the screen with the acceptance email, I guess). And Facebook definitely lit up when the decisions came out for the big schools they all applied to – UCLA, UC San Diego, etc. (California resident here).
D knows a couple of girls from her class who have also been accepted to her school but have not yet decided where to go. (Spring break is next week and they’re going to visit some campuses and then decide.) It makes me wonder if there are other girls at her school who have also been accepted but are not talking about it, and if D will get a surprise when she shows up in the fall (and yes she would know, it’s a tiny school and the entering class is something like 230 students).
