I have been invited to two recent weddings of young professionals/adults. I was only able to attend one. However, I sent gifts to both from the registry provided.
Upon receiving yet another invitation over the weekend, I realized that I did not receive a Thank You from the gifts I sent to the prior two.
To those of you who have attended recent weddings for the 20 something crowd,. Is this the new norm? Just need to align my expectations here to smile and nod and get off my soapbox.
We still get thank you notes from 20s and 30s, for the most part. I think if you bother to send a gift, it is onlyl courtesy to get a thank you. For funerals, sometimes we only get a printed thank you, which is understandable under the circumstances. We wrote personalized thank you notes for my SisILs fumeral.
I like to think it is NOT standard to get no acknowlegement and no thank you. At the very least, I have gotten a blanket generic thank you, without them specifying the gift (which I didn’t think was too gracious).
How long has it been since those weddings? In the past, I had heard that people have one year. Emily Post says that’s not so, but I would expect a few months at least to be reasonable. I have gotten thank yous for all weddings I have attended in the recent past, so I don’t think it’s a new norm.
I can’t speak for current norms, but I think it is terrible if a couple doesn’t send thank you’s for wedding gifts. Really inexcusable.
OP<you did say these were “recent” weddings. I am not sure how recent you mean. But I think after a month or so, a thank you should be forthcoming. If the wedding was with the last few weeks, maybe it is still coming.
While it won’t endear a lot of gift-givers, what I’ve read most recently is that newlyweds have up until six months to get thank-you notes out. Is it still within that six month window for the recent weddings?
I wouldn’t say that’s the new norm, but I’m sure it happens from time to time. That being said, I know of a couple of recent weddings where invitations that were sent out (some even hand-stamped at the post office) didn’t make it to all the guests, so if invitations aren’t getting delivered, you have to assume there are some thank you notes that are getting written that aren’t getting delivered either.
I have received TYs from most of the recent20-something weddings I have attended (or sent a gift to), and fairly promptly, I might add. But there is one outlier without a TY, from a couple who know better.
I hope this is not the new norm. We too have not received a thank you note from the young friends whom we sent a lovely wedding gift from their registry. It would have been nice to have a confirmation that the package made it safely to their place, and the contents survived the shipping.
I don’t think that failing to send a proper thank-you for a wedding gift will ever be the new norm. I do think that many couples today agree to share writing the notes, which makes perfect sense to me. But if one spouse procrastinates, the other may be reluctant to do it instead, because that sends the message that “if you just don’t do something for long enough, I will do it for you.”
After a reasonable time it is OK to check to make sure they got it. I still remember that we received one gift we never found out who sent it. I am sure they thought we were the worst uncouth and ungrateful couple.
This is probably the one custom I have a hard time with; I do not expect to receive anything from grieving families, no matter what I might have done for them. I have gotten thank you notes, when sometimes, all I’ve done is send a card. I think it’s a horrible time to expect people to sit down and write notes, or even just address envelopes with a printed thank-you. People usually have a lot of things going on at that time, and are very overwhelmed. But I usually do receive something. i just wish we didn’t expect people to do so. Let them focus on what is important at the time - being with family and dealing with necessary issues. I may be in the minority, though, and I’m OK with that.
I completely agree, @teriwitt. Sometimes family members or friends will take on the task of acknowledging flowers, memorial donations, etc., which is a lovely way to help. But I never expect a note from a bereaved person and think it’s a pretty harsh rule.
I certainly hope that it is not the new normal. Two of my children were married in the past few years and they did write thank you notes. It’s simply ungracious not not express thankfulness for a gift.
I recently sent a gift for a wedding (we were not invited, but we are good friends with her parents and I wanted to send something) and we did receive a thank you note - about 3 months after I send the gift and 2 months after the wedding. She and her DH are in their late 20s/early 30s.
Completely agree, @teriwtt!
“After a reasonable time it is OK to check to make sure they got it.”
Yup. We eventually did, but it felt very awkward to do so. When sending this gift, I requested to enclose a personalized congrats note from us. The couple received both the gift and the note…
I have received thank yous.
The thank yous for my wedding will be delayed as right after the wedding we’ll kind of be homeless/transient beings. Once we get settled is when the thank yous will go out- and that might not be for a few months.
I’m totally on with teri on the funeral thing. The last two funerals I went to had churches send thank you notes (guests signed a book and they took our info from that). I would never expect grieving families to send out notes. That time is so out of sorts and chaotic as it is, this isn’t another needed stress.
I have received thank yous for all of the recent weddings we have attended except 2. Both were family members. No excuse IMO.
I sent two gifts in 2012 (daughters of friends we used to be closer to) and never received thank you’s. An early 2013 wedding (daughter of good friends) resulted in a thank you within a week and a late 2014 wedding (my cousin’s son) resulted in one about a month later.
I think it is inexcusable not to acknowledge in any way.
As far a funerals, we wrote personal notes when my mother died. However, there are six of us and we split the duties by whom knew the sender, etc. My mother was huge on letter writing and there is no way we could have sent printed cards. But I understand why people do and have no problem with that. I also understand not sending anything at all.
My mother died about a month after a massive stroke, so people were sending food, etc that entire time. We wrote the notes while at the hospital with her and read them aloud to her before sending. She couldn’t respond in any way and I don’t think she even knew what we were doing, but…
I’ve received thank yous for wedding gifts. Never crossed my mind to expect anything from a funeral. Don’t think I ever have.
I recently received a post card thank you for a wedding I attended last summer…preprinted with nothing handwritten, just a photo of the bride and groom on one side with a printed “thank you blah blah blah” on the other. I thought it was tacky.
OP…were you a friend of the bride or bridegroom?
I know of a couple of newlywed couples that split the thank-you writing duties by guest list. The grooms were supposed to write the thank yous for “his side” and the brides were supposed to write the thanks yous for “her side.”
Well, you can imagine which side did not get thank yous in any sort of timely manner. I think in one case, the bride finally had to write some or most of “his side’s thank yous” otherwise they weren’t going to get done at all.
So, if there is more of a trend of splitting duties of writing thank yous, then that may cause some delays.
Glad to hear there are some that still receive them. One wedding was last April, the other was last December. We were guests of the Bride. Perhaps the third time will be the charm.